Wednesday, January 6, 2010

why international?

anyone who really knows me knows we are in this adoption process. But it's people that you small talk with...........chit chat..........while getting my hair done.........they will ask how many kids I have and I've always just said two......It always depends on who's asking and do I feel like saying anything. Well after our excitement in Nov thinking we were near the end and thinking this was really happening......I guess I've been talking more openly about it and just mentioning the word adoption in conversation or talking about traveling to get our child.............Some people are confused or others are interested. I seem to get questioned about why international.........so thought i"d write down some thoughts about adoption.......

First let me just tell you that I don't know every process. These are the area's that we have investigated :) Our journey started out filling out a dossier for Lithuania, then decided there were lots of new hurdles in the program so we did a dossier for Russia. Decided we actually wanted an infant so we switched to domestic adoption. There we were blessed with 2 kids. From there our focus did shift a bit., we wanted to add to our family.........but it was a different feeling. Because we had very positive experiences and domestic is what we knew...we started the process for a 3rd time and decided it wasn't for us. We heavily investigated adoption through the foster care system. in fact we "interviewed" 3 different organizations and had all our paperwork filled out to start that. We did some training and only to change direction after not feeling total peace and pursued internationally. We knew in our heads that Haiti was an option but once we spoke with our social worker.........we seemed to be just led to Haiti.

I think sometimes people get the idea or stereo type that one program vs. another....that one is better and one is worse. Truth is............ A child needing a family is a child needing a family...........whether they are in your home town or across the world.

So some basics about them:

domestic........able to get an infant. The stereo typical.......""healthy", white, infant"........We were able to meet birth parents. We saw and spent the night in the hospital with one of our births. We have letters and pictures and trinkets for our kids for when they get older. We are able to pick out personality traits from their birth parents. The down side to domestic is the whole "waiting to be picked". The timing is SO unknown. It could be weeks or years. I really whole heartedly believe that we had such positive experiences so that we would be open to other adoptions.

US foster to adopt. Honestly.......right now I'm wondering why we didn't choose this route...LOL... You need to be open to older children, possible sibling groups, having open relationships with birth parents, be open minded about a child's past and it is less expensive.

Internationally. Well.......how about we leave it at that. I don't know if I have a lot to say about it in my current state... :)..... I am stuck in a rut.........I'm sick of our wait........it's a long process.........our child(ren) are getting older..........it's more expensive........there is TONS more paperwork..........not only have kids had to endure hardship........trauma from being left or past neglect or abuse...........It's a long process................they are wasting precious years............still not getting proper nutrition............did I mention it's a long process........... oh, wait----but in the end we will have 2 beautiful brown children....and each time I ponder the descriptive words from our last update i am so thrilled that they seem to be part of us already......

okay--I could go on and on about the similarities and differences between all the adoptions..............but honestly what matters most is that you follow where God leads you personally.Period. He will call some of us to Haiti and some of us to China. He will call some of us to the US foster system, some of us to older children and some of us to special needs. He will call some of us to boys and some of us to sibling groups. They are all His children- and they all matter to him- a lot.....If he called us all to Haiti then who would take the kids from Russia? If he called us all to adopt older children- then who would take the babies? Sometimes we just have to learn to hear and trust His plans.

Every persons journey will be different. Some will go smoothly.........some will rock you.........some will last on forever. We've felt led down one path, only to have doors close and we were left standing there with our hearts on the floor. We've had cases presented to us that after we pondered them and would consider it..........the birth mother changed her mind about adoption. We've said no to certain scenarios. We've been stretched........spent many, MANY nights in tears. We are enduring long waits (2 years +).....sometimes wondering why.......

Trust me, there has been pain involved- we have faced tragedy and triumph.....but we've also grown through it all. Is it worth it?......Absolutely.....worth every single heart ache, every single tear and every single minute. there are no guarantees in life. Life is full of risks...........we may fail or fall.......or the fear of that pain keeps us stranded- afraid to move. Yet without taking that risk- are we really living?

Did you know that if 10% of all Christians opened their families to adoption............there would be no more orphans. Did you hear that.........10%...........be the 10%.............take a chance...ask God to lead YOU! Each precious child----from Haiti, Africa, China or the United States are our future!...They are our greatest gifts.....treasures..........they are worth the risk.

3 comments:

Amy S said...

Wow...I'm in tears! Thanks for this beautiful post and challenge for more families to step up and adopt. Challenging? yes! Difficult? Probably! Worth it in the end...absolutely! The blessing FAR outweighs the struggle. And yes, following God's ways usually involves risk, sacrifice, and even pain...but the reward He has for our obedience is incredible!

Kathleen said...

I am so happy that I found your blog and I really needed this post today. We have been blessed with two beautiful girls who we adopted from the foster care system and we are once again waiting to find out if we will be parents to a sibling group waiting in the foster care system. ( We find out next Thursday.) The waiting is tough and in the end we may not be the family chosen for this sibling group which is very hard. I believe that you are right when you said it does not make a difference where children come from but rather that we each do our part to bring the waiting children of the world home to forever families. Thank you for the reminder of why I am doing this journey of adoption and know that I am praying that your children come home soon.

My family and I often pray about adopting from GLA so thank you for sharing your story:)

Sarah said...

Marisa, I say this in the most professional way possible... I LOVE YOU!!!!!