my graduates!!

We had kindergarten graduation last week. It's an incredible evening of celebrating all they have learned over the last year. The graduation is a big deal at our school...........kind of a long tradition. The kids do a "show" for us in which they incorporate some fun story, but it includes a great message and also they get to "show off" stuff they have learned. Meaning they include memory verses, songs, math facts, reading...........all sorts of things they have learned. It's an evening of fun watching the kids, but also very touching when you get to see a video slid show of the kids and hear all they have learned. They actually walk down the aisle to the "pomp and circumstance" which is enough to bring the tears on. They even give parents a flower! And they get to receive a diploma and gift bag.................a truly memorable night.

When we went through the graduation with Alyssa, it was just truly meaningful because it was our "first". It was this big milestone that our "first" was going to be in school full time for all the years to come. It was hard to believe our little girl had grown up to 1st grade already.

This time I went to the evening kind of knowing what was in store. Even though I knew what the evening looked like, I was still super excited. As I sat there looking at the kids, I realized just how special this class was also. See, I was able to be part of this class for about a month of their school year as I helped Samara transition into school. I had gotten to know most of the kids and see how they all function...............and just to see all their personalities. Each of them having their own strengths and gifts. I wish kids could see that...............EACH of them have strengths and gifts. There isn't ONE that is BETTER. They are ALL valuable!! wow----it really was amazing. It's a great group of kids!

I often wondered how Austin was at school. After being in school with him, I was able to see strengths in him so much clearer. Instead of worrying about maybe his weaknesses, I could see that there are many things that he is amazing at. It gave me a glance at what an amazing kid he is and I'm so excited to see how he continues to grow.

And as I sat there I thought of what an INCREDIBLE blessing our school has been. I was a little nervous having Samara go to school at first. There is no denying that everyone knew who she was. She was different, didn't know English as well, needed some social graces, and just new coming in the middle of the year. Yet just how she had been completely accepted and welcomed. I cannot even say enough about what an amazing teacher and aid she had this year. Her teacher just welcomed the challenge of Samara and she WANTS to see Samara succeed. I'm just so grateful for such a positive experience.

And then as I sat there I just couldn't believe what an amazing girl Samara is. 4 months. 4 months of being home and 2.5 months of school. She was amazing to watch and see how much she has learned. And she just had such delight in her face and so proud to be part of it. We really debated about starting school this year or waiting til the fall, and I just think it was the best thing. She was having such fun being part of graduation and I think it's a great memory for her to have. She is a girl of fierce determination and she is going places in this world! And she looked beautiful up there doing her stuff!! She has an energetic personality that just draws you to her smile.

So in this year of being done with Kindergarten..............the kids have grown and become these amazing boys and girls. My prayer is that God continues to guide them and be in their lives.......forever!

Samara walking down the aisle.

Austin walking down the aisle :)

Samara getting her papers and bag with a huge grin on her face!

Us with 2 amazing kids!!

oh so funny....

There are those moments that the kids are quiet and are up to something......and I never know what to expect...... I heard a bunch a giggling and this is how Austin and Samara came down the stairs for bed......

oh, such silly fun!!!!

I think this picture may end up haunting them in later years...... ha!ha! ha!......

grace

Grace.

Maybe you need more grace in your parenting.

Those were the only words I remember from church this week and those words just keep going round and round in my head. I’ve been pondering them all week.

Parenting had changed for us. A lot. There have been so many dynamics that have changed…….going from 2 to 4……..adopting older kids…………….not having time to prepare—ourselves or Alyssa and Austin……..and just not being united in the way we always imagined. So our parenting had to change instantly. We had to pull back some of our affection to “the natives” (Alyssa and Austin) and we had to increase sticking to the rules and being fair. Everyone’s eyes were watching how the others were being treated. Truthfully it was heart breaking for me. Sticking to the rules is a good thing…………and there have been positive changes…………but changing our affection until we were ready to increase for all, has been a killer. I think this has been the area that I feel the most lost. I really considered us to be pretty affectionate. There is nothing better than snuggling with the kids, or when I would tuck them in bed to have the “kissy monster” get them………….just laying on tons and tons of kisses. When Samara and Aidan came home................... it was like having strangers in our house. It was one thing to give them a kiss and tuck them into bed…………..but to have the “kissy monster” come out………..I wasn’t ready for that. I couldn’t do that. So hence…….the “kissy monster” couldn’t really come out for the natives either. Life suddenly turned fair, and doing things exactly the same for each child.

Life turned to more black and white. The rules are the rules………and we needed to enforce them each and every time. I felt like a dictator. I felt like I wasn’t showing true motherly love to Aidan and Samara and I felt like Alyssa and Austin were being punished during this time that was suppose to be “good” for our family. Emotions were extremely high for every member in our family.

Can I just tell you parenting is so hard…………..

Adopting an older child is hard………….

Having it effect birth order and not just adding a young one who doesn’t know anything is hard……………

So it’s been a roller coaster trying to figure out parenting. First the emotional side of wanting and being able to be affectionate, and then also figuring out what we should or shouldn’t do or what works. We’ve been bombarded with stuff like…………….’you should do this or that if your child has been in a traumatic situation’…………….and ‘you should do this or that if they have been in an orphanage’…………and ‘do this with an older child’…………or ‘don’t do this if their back ground includes this…………

I feel like yelling.

The therapists would say to a kid who is disobeying, “boy, it looks like we’re not making good choices, it looks like you need some more mommy time. Why don’t you come sit by mom for a while”…………………which is easier said than done. (but does actually work)

So when I heard the words………….’do you need grace in your parenting’………………boy that hit me. I think I have these expectations of what my kids should act like and what Samara and Aidan should be capable of behaving like. I assume that Samara should understand what is unacceptable. Grace would probably help some of the emotions.

And to bring it another step……..............it’s amazing that God isn’t constantly angry with us because I’m sure every day I don’t behave how he thinks I should have learned by now. Grace. Grace. God’s grace.

I’ve had this book sitting on my counter for a while. Just hadn’t gotten around to it. So I picked it up this week. Shepharding your Child’s Heart. I wish I would have read this about 8 years ago. So if you are looking for a great book on raising your kids…………it’s life changing. It deals with getting to the heart of the matter in a child. And isn’t that what parenting is about. When your kids act out or disobey………….that you get to their heart and work on what’s really going on. Thanks Lamplighter for recommending it and living it out in your life too!!!!

We have layers and layers of stuff to work on. I’m feeling like I really am not cut out for this thing called parenting. But with God’s help and lots of grace……..I think we might just make it. J

race

I think life has been such a blurr that I didn't even have time to think about the subject of race. But as time goes one, I"m more aware of looks and reactions to our family. Reactions range on all sides............So, whether you want it or now…….. let me offer you some thoughts and advice .....

I think that as we contemplated adoption for Aidan, we went to the best resource available----THE BIBLE.

No further research was needed.

God tells us to love one another. To love our neighbors as ourselves. He doesn’t say to love only the ones that look the way we do. See.........we've seemed to make this issue of 'race' into a big issue...........and it really isn't............AT ALL.

oh yes.............there ARE differences. But isn't that what we need to be CELEBRATING!!!

We are special because of how God made us........Period. We need to remind our children how creative God was when he made us all. We need to celebrate His creativity. There is beauty is wavy blonde hair, and there is beauty in beautiful brown skin.

It boils down to the same old topic...............people have always felt the need to prove they are better than someone else instead of embracing and celebrating their differences.......and Satan loves that.

But the good thing is.............you and I can choose for ourselves not to live that way. We can choose to love everyone and demonstrate that love through the way we live our lives. We can choose to not follow what the world views as ‘less than’ or 'better than'- and instead acknowledge that we are ALL precious in his sight.

You see............He see's our differences- He made us different on purpose. Not so we could fight over them but so that we could celebrate Him. Celebrate His creativeness and see those differences as beautiful- the way He does.

Oh......and TALK to your kids about differences. I came across this paragraph and summary of a quote in a book. (Nurtureshock)

How to Raise a Racist

Step One: Don’t talk about race. Don’t point out skin color. Be “color blind.”

Step Two: Actually, that’s it. There is no Step Two.

Congratulations! Your children are well on their way to believing that [insert your race here] is better than everybody else.

What NurtureShock discovered, through various studies, was that most white parents don’t ever talk to their kids about race. The rule is that because we want our kids to be color-blind, we don’t point out skin color. We’ll say things like “everybody’s equal” but find it hard to be more specific than that. If our kids point out somebody who looks different, we shush them and tell them it’s rude to talk about it.

It's kind of like the sex talk. If we never talk to our kids about sex, they are gonna have to figure it out on their own. Which will probably lead to some not-so-great influences filling in their gaps of knowledge.

So talk to your kids about race. Please. Have an ongoing and frank conversation, and observe their interactions with children who are different. Assume that they will have biases, and confront them when they emerge.

I will tell you that the only difference between Aidan and Samara and our other children is that they happens to have the most beautiful dark skin I have ever seen. Just like our other children- they has talents, dreams, and they has needs. They are full of life and full of personality. They make me smile every day............and there is much to celebrate!

Where to start

So much good happened this weekend, it's hard to know where to start. I usually like to write about one thought, but since so much went on this weekend...........I just need to start from the beginning.........

Friday was pizza with Dixie!! Dixie---GLA's director---was in town, so we had a gathering and spent the evening talking with all the friends we've made in our Haitian adoptions. It was so good to see other families and touch base with them. I just think it's so good. It actually brought back lots of emotions about the whole event. I just found myself more emotional and on the verge of tears for a day or 2 just having it right there again. What was just so amazing was to see all these kids..............having been home for only 4 months.................all doing great. In some ways being confident and sufficient to play on their own..............so that the adults could sit and talk with Dixie. Who would have thought? Dixie talked about how things happened for her from the time the earthquake happened until the kids came home, and also since the kids have left. She talked about how God took care of them, and just how they were able to prove each child was connected with a family, and how she really fought to get the kids in through immigrations and allow them to come to our families and not have to go to foster care in Florida while papers where straightened out............and on and on. Just each tiny step was ALL taken care of. EVERY detail to making sure our kids came home was in God's hand. I'm in AWE just thinking about it and humbled that we ever question if we are being taken care of. Then we were all able to talk about how the events were for us, or what really hit us. It was just truly, truly amazing to hear how God had protected the kids, and just how each child was involved in such "God moments" for families. Just to hear about the 'miracle babies' who were thought to be on their death bed and questioned if they should board the airplane or not and today the child is thriving and crawling and full of life. The mom who just knew her son would be home for Christmas..............and guess what..........they were celebrating Christmas in January and their son WAS home for their Christmas. And another mom who said just how much she was in awe that her daughter was born in a dirt hut to a houseworker...............and 3 years later she was flying to their home on a private jet and being treated like a royal princess------God is going to have great things for His little princess. And for us..........I think our miracle in all this was just being able to have Samara home........NOW. We couldn't have endured 2 more years. We just couldn't have. It's amazing to have her home.............AMAZING!! And the stories went on...............the connections and friends made in those days of uncertainty and in the whole event. And I had to chuckle because EVERYONE mentioned how in those 10 days of waiting for what was going to happen that we were ALL GLUED to our computers and unable to function. But it was the truth. We weren't dealing with life during those days and I don't think we'll ever comprehend how drastic life changed and just the full impact of it. The deep emotions that were felt and have followed that event. It was just good to be together on friday. Very good! In August there will be a Haiti reunion---looking forward to that.

Then Saturday was a huge event. Paul graduated!!! For the last 1.5 to 2 years he had been taking classes for his MBA............and he is at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay----I don't even know how I functioned in life from January til April....................I have no idea how he was functioning with work and school and home life. But he did, and he did awesome---straight "A's". I'm so proud of his determination and hard work. As I think back over the last 2 years, he never missed the bedtime stuff and evenings with the kid DUE to homework. He had his usual night he was in class, or other events and commitments.............. but never did he just take off and go study during prime evening. It was always early, early or late, late. I still always had my tea at night with him. I'm just so thankful for him and for family being his priority. So I'm sure it won't sink in for a bit, because he isn't OFFICIALLY done til June 1, but it won't take long to fill his extra time with house jobs :) So hats off to Paul!! And we had a fun dinner to celebrate---we all went to a Japanese steak house. The food was great...........and the kids loved the 'entertainment'...........it just went great and had a ton-o- fun!

Okay--then to top it off..............it was Mother's Day today. I had flowers that the 3 older ones planted in school---so that was lovely. They brought me breakfast while I got ready for church, I got to choose everything for the day.............what we had for lunch...........then we went for a walk at the dunes---and it was a beautiful day out, we just got lost in the time while playing on the beach. I'm not sure if Paul bribed them..........or threatened them...............LOL...........but I'd hear..."remember, it's mom's day, she can choose"....and there was no complaining about what I chose. So that in itself was a priceless present.

Though as I end thinking about Mothers Day.........I think about what someone else said today----It can be a complex day as well. I"m overwhelmed to think my kids are here with me, and not still waiting for a mommy. We're so blessed to have our moms that take care of us yet, because no matter how old you are----you still need your mom. And my wishes to all my friends who are moms. Those who recently became a mom, or been moms for years. For my sisters who are all amazing. (both sides of sisters) For our birthmoms---who are so special. My wishes to those who have lost babies and kids, and those who have lost moms. And my heart breaks for those who yearn for a child, or for those kids who still yearn for a mommy. God has a special place in His heart for every single one out there. So no matter where you are..............blessings!!!

Family Pictures

One of our first goals were to get new pictures as a family and get pictures of Aidan and Samara up around the house. So we had these taken in February....................and here we are. Just getting them up and out. Enjoy a quick peak as our hour and half session!!!!