Career and calling

There has been this conflict, but I never knew it existed.

I guess I always thought in the back of my mind that maybe we'd have a couple kids, but eventually we'd move to a different country and I'd use my career skills as my calling in serving the Lord. That all sounds good and noble, right? We'd move to a remote hospital and work for HIM....

I think subconsciously I rationalized things to myself with that basis in the back of my mind. To some degree even pursuing our 3rd adoption, OH...my desire is my adoptions........yet I was worried it might not fit into the bigger pictures.......it's easier to travel with 2 kids, but 3 could be tricker............

I reasoned a lot of things in life.

I think our move brought about alot of discoveries inside us. Our move wasn't because of us wanting bigger or better. It was a combination of enviroment, circumstances, situations, dreams and hopes. Somehow in the midst of all our searching................I realized that MY DESIRE-----COULD ACTUALLY BE GOD's WILL--- ALSO!!!

oh, not my desire to move away and do ultrasound. See --that was what I rationalized was a good thing to do in life. My desire was-- and always has been-- to have a larger family.

See I've actually deep down always adored larger families. I've always loved them. .......... but somehow I figured my desire wasn't God's will. How would we have a large family if we were infertile??

But it all became very clear to me as pieces of our life started falling into place.

We moved for the combination of reasons, yet in looking--I really trust God directed us to this house. Oh--I don't think there is such thing as a perfect house---but somehow this house is all we could want. Frankly--it's a big bigger than we needed----but I think that is part of our story. We joked around about having more kids.................but more kids and bigger house= more expenses .............so let's say the reality of more kids was looking like we were in a rock and a hard spot----But we completely told God we'd use this house how he wanted.

So--for now--let's say that is the beginning of how we came to our 4th adoption.

In the mean time---I read these thoughts and they hit me like a ton of bricks.

"What appears to be a "slam dunk" may come back to haunt us if God never ordains us to enter that arena. There are many good things we can be involved with. However, there are God-things we are supposed to be involved with. God's ways are not our ways. The most important quality God desires to develop in us is our dependence on Him and Him alone. When we begin to make decisions based on reason and analysis instead of the leading and prompting of the Holy Spirit, we get into trouble with God"

Good thing----rationalizing that my ultrasound background will be our way of serving God

God thing-----being a mom and being a family to the kids that God has placed with us and called us to have. Even blessing us with my deep down desires.

And can I add----I've never been so thrilled!!!!! Life is Good............God is GOOD...............Blessed be the name of the Lord.........................Maybe someday He will LEAD us down the other path, but for now He is led us to our kids!