Now what?

You know I started this blog to keep friends and family up to date with the adoption. I thought maybe i'd have 20 entries within a big years timing and life would be good and Aidan would be home. Instead you get many many entries about how adoption has become part of every day life. Well I feel like I've hit a hard spot. As the summer came and went, I kind of keep different "goals" in my mind for when I might hear something. First we were occupied with moving, then it was just getting back into the fall schedules and school, and then I kept thinking we'll just make it til Paul is home from his China trip..........

well we've come and gone. I honestly can't say I have any other "goals" or routines to conqueror. Frankly---it's getting long and I JUST WANT SOME NEWS!!!!

As always, when I'm starting to need a pick me up, I came across something. I started a new bible study and these are the very words that were spoken the first night......................." If God has a mind to move in that office, He would. There is no place God cannot go."

Did you just read that? I've been so frustrated that we have stayed in our current stage for about 6 months, and it should have been about 3 months. So yes, I'm frustrated with "an office". And then I get sent this crazy message for me to hear-----I think it was specifically for me :)

So once again I have a great reminder that God is in control, and each day I need to bring it before God. I've been in this downward spiral of my prayers turning to pleading and convincing God, and I know that's not how God wants us to pray. I wanted to turn my prayers into praying for each area of the adoption process. Whether it be these very last stages or the very first stages for our 4th adoption, I just wanted to pray that processes can change, so they can process paperwork faster. Will you join me? I'm picking Wednesday mornings as my prayer time. Either right after I drop off the kids at school, or after my reading group commitments, but at some point between 8 and 12 I'd like to spend time praying for the process and I know many prayers can help, even a wednesday morning prayer on your way to work would be a blessing.

You know you're adopting when.........

I was picking up Alyssa up from a function and just having small talk with whoever else was picking up their kids. This is how the conversation went. Mind you I really don't know this person........

Other: So how many are you waiting for?

Me: Two.

Other: oh......(confused)........so do you have.....twins in 2nd grade?

Me: OH!!.........(they weren't asking me about what I was thinking about).......oh...ummm..........no.....I have one 2nd grader............and ....uumm........i think I may be taking someone else home..........yea.........not sure..........(phew--covered that up).............

Wow! Sometimes it can be comical how adoption is RIGHT THERE on my mind---they must have thought I was crazy

Original

Be YOURSELF

an original is always worth more than a copy!!

(This is hanging up in the 2nd grade classroom--I LOVE it!!)

Denying Oneself

Today i'm feeling so torn over causes that are sooo good. I have a pile of things we've received in the mail lately of organizations doing fundraisers. LPC, Beacon of Hope, Bethany Christian Services, Rescue Mission, Boys and Girls club, GLA, GLOW, Children of the Nation.............. I was looking through them and thinking about what we could afford to do and just feeling so overwhelmed by how many people are in need. I'm feeling so blessed, and yet there is a hurting world out there. It is my desire that each of these organizations are blessed with people who are passionate about them and able to support them. That they are able to reach many more than they could imagine. I just can't help and think how God wants the person who's life is filled with despair to be shown a life of hope...........

Of course I couldn't help and thing about this benefit concert that GLA is having. I know the orphanage has been going through alot of hard times. The economy is just terrible, things break as they do in life, generators are going out, vehicles are needed to transport families to airport and courts, and just basic necessities for the kids. They have never made it a requirement for families to pay a monthly $ amount, but I know that as adoptions are taking longer and longer, the cost doesn't cover as much as it use to. Of course having 2 kids at GLA my heart just breaks over their constant struggles. I was trying to think of a tangible way to get my family involved with giving. I guess if, as parents, we write out checks to organizations it only becomes a financial strain on us, but hasn't taught the kids anything. Since they are very aware about adoption and GLA I thought it would be good to get them involved with this one. To give to someone else, means to deny something for yourself. But it's hard to grasp the idea of denying something for yourself. We don't go out and buy toys just because, we really have the bare essentials of clothes, we make by with the basic sets of shoes, our couches are 10+ years old..............we really aren't a lavish family to begin with because that just isn't us.................so it's hard to wrap our arms around denying .............so from Nov. 1 until Nov. 13 of the benefit concert we were going to cut down our grocery bill. I'm not sure what that means yet. Maybe it will be beans and rice. I want it to be something that the kids will know they are giving up to help someone else. Maybe you could join us...........we'd love your prayers in our venture.

God never blesses an individual just for that person's exclusive benefit. God calls each of us to be a blessing to others

Fingerprinting

We completed our fingerprinting with our next adoption and were found.............."favorable...."

Yea!!!----I was a little worried after 4 times you know........lol.........but good to get it checked off our list :)

Career and calling

There has been this conflict, but I never knew it existed.

I guess I always thought in the back of my mind that maybe we'd have a couple kids, but eventually we'd move to a different country and I'd use my career skills as my calling in serving the Lord. That all sounds good and noble, right? We'd move to a remote hospital and work for HIM....

I think subconsciously I rationalized things to myself with that basis in the back of my mind. To some degree even pursuing our 3rd adoption, OH...my desire is my adoptions........yet I was worried it might not fit into the bigger pictures.......it's easier to travel with 2 kids, but 3 could be tricker............

I reasoned a lot of things in life.

I think our move brought about alot of discoveries inside us. Our move wasn't because of us wanting bigger or better. It was a combination of enviroment, circumstances, situations, dreams and hopes. Somehow in the midst of all our searching................I realized that MY DESIRE-----COULD ACTUALLY BE GOD's WILL--- ALSO!!!

oh, not my desire to move away and do ultrasound. See --that was what I rationalized was a good thing to do in life. My desire was-- and always has been-- to have a larger family.

See I've actually deep down always adored larger families. I've always loved them. .......... but somehow I figured my desire wasn't God's will. How would we have a large family if we were infertile??

But it all became very clear to me as pieces of our life started falling into place.

We moved for the combination of reasons, yet in looking--I really trust God directed us to this house. Oh--I don't think there is such thing as a perfect house---but somehow this house is all we could want. Frankly--it's a big bigger than we needed----but I think that is part of our story. We joked around about having more kids.................but more kids and bigger house= more expenses .............so let's say the reality of more kids was looking like we were in a rock and a hard spot----But we completely told God we'd use this house how he wanted.

So--for now--let's say that is the beginning of how we came to our 4th adoption.

In the mean time---I read these thoughts and they hit me like a ton of bricks.

"What appears to be a "slam dunk" may come back to haunt us if God never ordains us to enter that arena. There are many good things we can be involved with. However, there are God-things we are supposed to be involved with. God's ways are not our ways. The most important quality God desires to develop in us is our dependence on Him and Him alone. When we begin to make decisions based on reason and analysis instead of the leading and prompting of the Holy Spirit, we get into trouble with God"

Good thing----rationalizing that my ultrasound background will be our way of serving God

God thing-----being a mom and being a family to the kids that God has placed with us and called us to have. Even blessing us with my deep down desires.

And can I add----I've never been so thrilled!!!!! Life is Good............God is GOOD...............Blessed be the name of the Lord.........................Maybe someday He will LEAD us down the other path, but for now He is led us to our kids!

Haircut time

Is it possible to have adoption hormones? I think they were doing a lot of my talking in my last post--LOL---and were in high gear recently!!

I usually don't spend too much time "surfing around" but in my moment I was checking out other adoptions and GLA info. I felt much better then :)

We can sign in on the GLA websight and it has all the kids listed and their stages of the process. Anyways, I've been keeping my eye on random names to see when they move to the next stage---and there were 2 kids that entered the MOI about the same time that we did and their status is now "visa" or "printing" So there has been some movement!!! And it gave me a big sense of hope that maybe we could be moving on soon too. So, that was so exciting!!! I was so thrilled to see that.......!!! I guess I can put away the gallon of ice-cream!!!

Families are now doing 1, if not 2 trips to Haiti through out the process to do some paperwork IN Haiti, so often there are random pictures of kids from other people's visits. So.......guess who I came across...............Aidan!! Looks like it was haircutting day!!

Latest Happenings

It's been a whole year since I was with Aidan!!

Oct. 3 of last year we were coming back from doing our paperwork in Haiti and meeting him. It's hard to put together all the thoughts that go through my mind. There are times I can't believe it's been a year. Times has flown. In fact the other day I commented that if you would have told me it would be a year---i would have expected to have everything perfect and prepared for him. Well, Yes---we're definitely prepared for him.....but "perfect" has yet to be defined. If things were perfect............I'd be fluent in Creole, I'd have his photo album started of his life story and up to date, I'd have the house in perfect organization and we'd be waiting around doing nothing. But quite frankly, I think when he joins us we'll do all the life stuff together with him. His photo albums will be just as far behind as the other kids', and house projects will still be happening and he will just be helping with them. So yes.............we're still patiently waiting and still just waiting to do life with him.

If it's possible to go fast and slow at the same time, we're experiencing that too. It's been the slowest time because it seems like we've known about him for forever. I can't believe how much of his life we're missing out on. I get angry at the same time---not for us, but for how much of his childhood is being taken away..............he could be enjoying a family already. I get impatient, bitter, thrilled for the possibilities, excited to have him home, filled with dispair................and then I just push all those emotions away and become numb to it all. There is nothing I can do....................

oh yes, I know God is in control. Yes--life goes on and time is filled up. But there are also real feelings the rear their ugly little heads sometimes. It's hard not to ache when Alyssa prays at the supper table, " and God please, please, PLEASE send Aidan home because we just really want our brother home."

okay--so enough of my venting. I try not to vent, so sorry. I don't want to have a pitty party, but there are times this process gets weary.

Now for the good news.

We had some new pictures show up in our "in box" this weekend!! And I'd have to say they are some of the cutest ever :)

Actually as I'm typing this I think maybe it's the updates that are bitter sweet. I LOVE the updates. Absolutely positively LOVE them. It's a way of feeling connected and watching him grow, but maybe there is some bittersweet to them. I think my initial reaction is excitement, but then it turns to frustration and disappointment and being angry at the process.

Anyways, here is the sweetest boy in Haiti..........

Didn't he take good "school pictures"?

Another exciting event......the Michigan Haiti group is having a Selah//Avalon benefit concert in honor of GLA!!!! I think this is huge!! And I think it's going to be a GREAT evening!! I think both groups will be awesome to hear and we will have the privilege of having the orphanage director in town also. And it's all to raise money for the O. So if you are around the area, we'd love to have you join us for the event!!!

It would be awesome if Aidan were home for a weekend of Haitian gatherings and events, but I guess second best is to spend time with families who are in the process or who have already adopted kids from Haiti. So we're looking forward to these great events :)

One more thing........so here we are adopting another child too---a little girl. I guess I'm still waiting to get some "official" referral stuff. Yes--we're in this process since Aug., but it's waiting for the paper trail to catch up and so we haven't started our "official" updates on her. I will post more on her and how she came into our lives, but just wanted to let you know I am definitely not forgetting about her. Not possible :) You can add that to my vent list.............just how long simple processes can still take :)