I just finished going through some clothes we had of Austin. It was about 2 years ago that i started saving clothes so hopefully they are all about the right size since they are about 2 years apart. It seems so weird to look at the clothes and imagine Austin in them. I can remember what his favorites were and then I remember what he was into and playing with at the time. It's hard to think that Aidan is that big too. We saw Aidan when he was 2, just about 3 and now he's right around the corner to being 4. I sometimes picture more of a 2 year old, but when I get these clothes ready-----I'm wondering .....what is Aidan like? Will he be fiercely independent like Austin was at that age? Will he instinctively know all about what's cool for boys? There is so much of life and teaching that he has missed and yet will he just tag right along and play with the other kids like he's been doing it all his life?..........I am just so excited I can hardly stand it...............i'm not sure how the whole process goes picking him up, but I imagine we need to take clothes for him. So I picked out a couple short sleeves for when we are down there yet. I can't help and wonder if he's going to think it's cool...............will he feel like it's his?.....
This is a paragraph of a family who just picked up their boy, it was sent by a Bethany prayer warrior and it's pretty emotional..........
we are back from haiti......safe and well......thank you for all your prayers and kindness and donations.......i just want to tell you a sweet story about
our eli .......at the orphanage the younger children do not wear
shoes......barefoot with dirty toes the children run and play........only on
special occasions when a child gets to go for a walk with a volunteer or meets
their parents for the first time do these children get to wear
shoes.........you would not think the children associate shoes with
love....attention.....status......but they do.....the first time i dressed eli
and pulled out socks and a pair of black converse sneakers ......his eyes
widened with joy....he loved the feel of the socks and stomped around the room
proudly in his very own shoes!!! but when we tried to take them off for the
night.....he cried with loss.....he did not want "his shoes" to be taken from
him.......eli had to learn and trust us that these little sneakers were his and
we would put them back on him in the morning.......shoes in a sense became a
security ......the next day we visited the house where the older children
stay......as i held eli they came up to us and stroked his new
sneakers.......they instinctively knew eli had attained a freedom......a
change..........2 days later as we trekked through miami security.....the shoes
had to come off......howling with fury eli would not stop until we placed his
shoes back in his hands........the picture below is from the balcony off our
room where we basically cocooned with each other so we could promote bonding
and attachment.....eli is looking out from behind the bars...out into a
world......a big big world full of potential and promise........we hope we can
teach him trust and love.....and that he belongs to our Father....
our eli .......at the orphanage the younger children do not wear
shoes......barefoot with dirty toes the children run and play........only on
special occasions when a child gets to go for a walk with a volunteer or meets
their parents for the first time do these children get to wear
shoes.........you would not think the children associate shoes with
love....attention.....status......but they do.....the first time i dressed eli
and pulled out socks and a pair of black converse sneakers ......his eyes
widened with joy....he loved the feel of the socks and stomped around the room
proudly in his very own shoes!!! but when we tried to take them off for the
night.....he cried with loss.....he did not want "his shoes" to be taken from
him.......eli had to learn and trust us that these little sneakers were his and
we would put them back on him in the morning.......shoes in a sense became a
security ......the next day we visited the house where the older children
stay......as i held eli they came up to us and stroked his new
sneakers.......they instinctively knew eli had attained a freedom......a
change..........2 days later as we trekked through miami security.....the shoes
had to come off......howling with fury eli would not stop until we placed his
shoes back in his hands........the picture below is from the balcony off our
room where we basically cocooned with each other so we could promote bonding
and attachment.....eli is looking out from behind the bars...out into a
world......a big big world full of potential and promise........we hope we can
teach him trust and love.....and that he belongs to our Father....
I've been thinking about this through out the week. As excited as I am.........there is still fear in me. There will be so many changes going on for all of us....Can you imagine how Aidan is going to feel? I can't imagine ...........Can you just imagine what it will be like to come home to a SNOW storm??...........To do so many things for the first time...........and yet missing what is 'normal' to him.........and then Alyssa and Austin---the changes for them. I had a comical conversation with Alyssa but there were serious feelings being said. She asked why we had to be such a "coookie" (weird) family?..........I know there is alot of apprehension about the racial differences for her................Austin is thrilled at the idea of a playmate............I hope he's not disappointed, but that they instantly bond............and then there is Paul and I. I can only imagine Paul............he is such a great dad and loves being with the family, but he is stretched to the limits lately. Work can be stressful.............his wife is unstable (!!)..........his kids want his attention at night...........and then he's in school til May..........there is no official honey do lists---but he's well aware that it's a matter of time and the new house needs his help............and me......there is no time for moms' to have feelings...............but I sure am full of them...........I think it would be AWESOME to have Aidan home in Dec. December is such a special month anyways, and then add on the fact that both Alyssa and Austin were born and in our house in the month of Dec.-----how COOL it would be for Aidan to join in and have a special "gotcha day" in Dec. too. I would just be thrilled!!!! So I'm excited............yet reserved.............I know it is possible and should be no problem..............but I know that it could be Jan. before he's home. And can I add that we need to proceed like he might not be home in Dec. because our fingerprints expire Dec. 26 for him and so we need to do that process all over----and spend the money on it.............all because we don't know.............all the unknowns yet. So there is frustration with all the excitement. And how exciting to take Aidan home..............and how INDESCRIBABLY awesome to meet our daughter............yet how hard it will be to take one and leave one............and they are both old enough to have opinions............will they like ME? Will I be a tall, ugly giant to them?...........Will they have wished a fairy tale princess to come and sweep them away............and instead they get me?..........
All I can think is........."oh Lord. Please grant us all the wisdom and insight we need as parents to meet each childs' needs. May we see them in each circumstance and understand the feelings they are experiencing that we can show them our love and security. We love them...each of them, and they are all special individuals that you have created. You have a plan for each of them, an amazing plan........and may we as parents be used to grow our kids in YOU alone!"
3 comments:
God WILL give you exactly what you need at exactly the right time!! Aiden is so blessed to be part of your family ... you guys will not only survive this but THRIVE! "Do not fear for I am with you!!" says the Lord! :)
Praying for you friend! Praying for your peace, for His perfect timing, for Aiden's heart to bond and attach with you, Paul & the kids, praying for the meeting with your daughter, for all the unknowns, questions and "fears". It's not easy and from my own personal experience, it's hard many days...and that's OK! Just keep praying and trusting - God will never fail you! If you want to get together sometime to talk or pray - please give me a call - I'd love to. :)
Marisa... I remember all too well those feelings of excitement, aprehension, fear, joy... almost 2 years ago for us when we brought Noah home. I know God will give you exactly what you... and each one in your family... needs. We'll keep you all in our prayers (and I'll pray specifically that Aiden can be home for Christmas!).
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