Brown eyed Princess

Little did I know how much a book would affect the rest of my life.

A book was left in our mailbox at church about Haitian restevex. i kind of shrugged my shoulders and thought I'd read part of it.....why not. Paul asked how the book was and i guess I could only summ it up by saying.............'it's not very exciting, not really a good read, it talks about horrible terrible stuff this child had to live through, it was gross, disgusting. unimaginable.........but I guess the bottle line I take away from the book is............kids just want a home. Everyone just wants to be part of a family. Even when they get to be adults the bottom line is they just want to be loved and wanted.'

At some point around this time I do remember seeing a lovely little girls picture come across with kids in Haiti. Her smile caught me........but my mind thought...... 'how lovely, what a lucky family to adopt this girl...........but it's not for us right now'........

Life zooms by and we get busy with moving. Maybe all the events that factored into us moving all brought us to the point God wanted us............I don't know. But since we moved to a house with a 4th bedroom, we jokingly said we'd have to fill it and use it for God. But frankly, maybe I've said this too, having more kids by adoption costs more money.........I guess if we were going to have another child it would be because God wanted us to...........

The same day we were closing and moving in our house...........a list appears of kids waiting in Haiti. Well---wouldn't you know it..........the same lovely girl was still waiting and this time there was a grant offered with her. I seriously felt like she was waiting for us, my heart did a little leap. We looked into her information and prayed about it. It was actually Paul who opened up and asked someone to pray for us about it first, and yet somehow in the mists of praying for her and seeing her...............it made me fall in love with her and I just knew she would complete our family. Once Paul and I had decided we were open to it.............I left her picture on the counter to see what reaction I'd get form the kids. Alyssa asked about it and her response was..........'mom can we adopt her. Please, please. Please say YES before someone else does.' It was just even more of a confirmation that even the kids were open to more.

So maybe you're wondering what a book has to do with anything...........well I think it helped shaped my thinking...........life isn't going to be perfect...........adopting a 5, now 6 year old is going to be messy...............she hasn't had a perfectly loving home...........life has been hard....................but I do know that we would love her to be in our family....................somehow God opened our eyes to a very beautiful brown eyed princess............

Is this real??

I can't believe this is actually happening..............we've been living so long with the idea of him.........but now this is actually going to be real. It's seems too weird yet to me. There is so much to think on it all...........I'm thrilled and excited.............ready for the change..............scared about how my days will change.

I just finished going through some clothes we had of Austin. It was about 2 years ago that i started saving clothes so hopefully they are all about the right size since they are about 2 years apart. It seems so weird to look at the clothes and imagine Austin in them. I can remember what his favorites were and then I remember what he was into and playing with at the time. It's hard to think that Aidan is that big too. We saw Aidan when he was 2, just about 3 and now he's right around the corner to being 4. I sometimes picture more of a 2 year old, but when I get these clothes ready-----I'm wondering .....what is Aidan like? Will he be fiercely independent like Austin was at that age? Will he instinctively know all about what's cool for boys? There is so much of life and teaching that he has missed and yet will he just tag right along and play with the other kids like he's been doing it all his life?..........I am just so excited I can hardly stand it...............i'm not sure how the whole process goes picking him up, but I imagine we need to take clothes for him. So I picked out a couple short sleeves for when we are down there yet. I can't help and wonder if he's going to think it's cool...............will he feel like it's his?.....

This is a paragraph of a family who just picked up their boy, it was sent by a Bethany prayer warrior and it's pretty emotional..........

we are back from haiti......safe and well......thank you for all your prayers and kindness and donations.......i just want to tell you a sweet story about
our eli .......at the orphanage the younger children do not wear
shoes......barefoot with dirty toes the children run and play........only on
special occasions when a child gets to go for a walk with a volunteer or meets
their parents for the first time do these children get to wear
shoes.........you would not think the children associate shoes with
love....attention.....status......but they do.....the first time i dressed eli
and pulled out socks and a pair of black converse sneakers ......his eyes
widened with joy....he loved the feel of the socks and stomped around the room
proudly in his very own shoes!!! but when we tried to take them off for the
night.....he cried with loss.....he did not want "his shoes" to be taken from
him.......eli had to learn and trust us that these little sneakers were his and
we would put them back on him in the morning.......shoes in a sense became a
security ......the next day we visited the house where the older children
stay......as i held eli they came up to us and stroked his new
sneakers.......they instinctively knew eli had attained a freedom......a
change..........2 days later as we trekked through miami security.....the shoes
had to come off......howling with fury eli would not stop until we placed his
shoes back in his hands........the picture below is from the balcony off our
room where we basically cocooned with each other so we could promote bonding
and attachment.....eli is looking out from behind the bars...out into a
world......a big big world full of potential and promise........we hope we can
teach him trust and love.....and that he belongs to our Father....

I've been thinking about this through out the week. As excited as I am.........there is still fear in me. There will be so many changes going on for all of us....Can you imagine how Aidan is going to feel? I can't imagine ...........Can you just imagine what it will be like to come home to a SNOW storm??...........To do so many things for the first time...........and yet missing what is 'normal' to him.........and then Alyssa and Austin---the changes for them. I had a comical conversation with Alyssa but there were serious feelings being said. She asked why we had to be such a "coookie" (weird) family?..........I know there is alot of apprehension about the racial differences for her................Austin is thrilled at the idea of a playmate............I hope he's not disappointed, but that they instantly bond............and then there is Paul and I. I can only imagine Paul............he is such a great dad and loves being with the family, but he is stretched to the limits lately. Work can be stressful.............his wife is unstable (!!)..........his kids want his attention at night...........and then he's in school til May..........there is no official honey do lists---but he's well aware that it's a matter of time and the new house needs his help............and me......there is no time for moms' to have feelings...............but I sure am full of them...........I think it would be AWESOME to have Aidan home in Dec. December is such a special month anyways, and then add on the fact that both Alyssa and Austin were born and in our house in the month of Dec.-----how COOL it would be for Aidan to join in and have a special "gotcha day" in Dec. too. I would just be thrilled!!!! So I'm excited............yet reserved.............I know it is possible and should be no problem..............but I know that it could be Jan. before he's home. And can I add that we need to proceed like he might not be home in Dec. because our fingerprints expire Dec. 26 for him and so we need to do that process all over----and spend the money on it.............all because we don't know.............all the unknowns yet. So there is frustration with all the excitement. And how exciting to take Aidan home..............and how INDESCRIBABLY awesome to meet our daughter............yet how hard it will be to take one and leave one............and they are both old enough to have opinions............will they like ME? Will I be a tall, ugly giant to them?...........Will they have wished a fairy tale princess to come and sweep them away............and instead they get me?..........

All I can think is........."oh Lord. Please grant us all the wisdom and insight we need as parents to meet each childs' needs. May we see them in each circumstance and understand the feelings they are experiencing that we can show them our love and security. We love them...each of them, and they are all special individuals that you have created. You have a plan for each of them, an amazing plan........and may we as parents be used to grow our kids in YOU alone!"

Out of MOI

Sometimes you just have to make 2 posts in one day.......

We are OUT of MOI!!! This news sure picked me up this morning after still having a hard time of getting going after my weekend. I was debating about vegging it on the couch again for the day or doing some cleaning (disinfecting), but that just put a spring in my step :) So I have a clean house and great news :)

We have printing and visa to do, so maybe thinking 6ish weeks.

Crazy about you....

I see this poem every morning and it gives me a smile to know God loves me. Just wanted to share it with you and hope it brightens your day too ;)

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.

He sends you flowers every spring

He sends you a sunrise every morning.

Face it, Friend..................HE IS CRAZY ABOUT YOU!!!

--unknown

Dissappointed

I was so looking forward to a great weekend......................a great night at the Selah and Avalon concert, Haitian gathering, talking with fellow adoptive parents, and we also had a church event of Feed My Starving Children---packaging food to send to Haiti, family gatherings, pizza, lasagna dinner..............and as we were walking out the door friday night................... I got the stomach flu. YUCK!!

I am just so disappointed. This was suppose to be a fun weekend--I can't tell you how disappointed I am............I guess to all the families I was so excited to meet and connect with, I hope to meet another time and I wish all of you the best with your adoptions. Maybe another time..........

Well, this weekend really shouldn't have surprised me. We haven't really been healthy during our Nov. 1-13 family challenge. We wanted to make it a learning experience of sharing with others and sharing what we had, but the logistics never quit worked out as well as we wanted. The idea of doing rice and beans was put on the back burner when Austin was sick. He had a fever for 6 days and was down on the couch for 9 days. We had a couple days of health and then I get the stomach flu and Austin followed right behind me in the middle of friday night with the stomach flu. So, it's hard enough to do something like rice and beans when life is normal and you're healthy, but it's much harder when Austin was sick and wasn't really eating those days anyway. But I guess on another subject of poverty--it give you a better perspective of how it might feel to be sick and not have all your needs met, but that another subject.

So we came up with a plan B, the idea of a "fast" from something we enjoy so that we can pray for the event. So we started that idea and took all candy away and no TV. (2 weak points for the kids) Mind you-- candy the day after Halloween was kind of tough. But to some extent the idea of candy gone while being sick and the idea of not having tv while being sick------somehow nothing seemed to work. (We'll have to look for other concrete ways to teach the kids............somehow I think the devil didn't want us to do all this, and we were the lucky people to get sick with it all going around) Anyways..........................we did pray for the event during those 13 days. And I hope it helped open peoples eyes to the children that are waiting for families and for the needs of GLA as the tirelessly give of all their time and energies to our kids.

As far as my wednesday morning prayer, that is something that can be done---sick or healthy :) It's actually been a great time to specifically pray for different aspects of adoption. Whether it be for our processes, or for the adjustments that will be part of the process. It's easy to foster general prayers, but to specifically have a talk time with Jesus---it's a new feeling. I guess I can say it's been a blessing in disguise. It's something that can only grow and be part of my life. Sometimes I get scared about what we are getting into with older kids adoption, and i think somedays prayer might be the only way we make it, so this has been a good thing.

National Adoption Month

When I look at you I don't see...

More mouths to feed,

more bills to pay,

more worries,

more pains,

more hassles,

more cost,

more burdens

or more work.

What I see is...

A chance,

a hope,

a promise,

a choice,

a person,

a dream,

a life,

a blessing,

a gift.