Families don't just happen. I couldn't quite find words lately...........and yet couldn't just start posting fun times. There would have been a whole gap there that you were missing and it's important to see God in this gap.
I don't think we realized how much of a "crisis" we were in. In our own ways.........at different times........we've started coming down from that crisis mode. I would have told you we were functioning normal about 2 weeks ago..........but now I realize I have NO idea how we were functioning. The first 2 weeks are a COMPLETE blur.....and the last 2 weeks are still a blur.
As I think over the last 2 years, I did one of 2 things. I either built a wall up, trying to keep my feelings away, or I built up expectations of what life and the kids would be like. I naively thought that here we followed God's will and that our "test" and hard time was the ongoing, long, difficult adoption process...........and then everything would be great when the kids were home. Okay--I knew it wasn't going to be great...........but I didn't know how hard it would be. I didn't think some of these feelings could happen to me. The hardest part has been just HOW full of emotions everyone is and that really impacts how we act. The little boy that we had grown to love............to us he was full of smiles and easy going. He seemed to be growing like a big boy and I was expecting this boy who was about 4 yrs old to be running around and being on the independent side. Truthfully we get this little kid................who is terrified, screams all the time, untrusting, has some reverting with potty issues, and is literally this little peanut who looks and acts like a 2 year old. All I could say is...........wait, hold the phone.......this wasn't part of the deal. And we had no expectations for an older child adoption...........but we also had not spent anytime preparing. There wasn't anyone to tell us how we were suppose to react when we have 1 or 2 hour crying spells and having to sit and hold her for that time even as she kicks at you...... Like we have nothing else to do with 4 kids around. And even the first week..........these kids had your typical cold, snotty nose......along with intestinal issues........that STUNK........and just some initial eeeeuuwwww stuff...........stuff only a mom could love and deal with................and we were suppose to deal with us. I was the mom...........but wasn't dealing well. Some things just weren't coming natural at first. It was hard to immediately love and care for these 'strangers' in our house. I could go on and on about situations..................but eventually I came to a crossing point. I had my breaking point that all I could do was cry to Paul. I couldn't even find the words to say...........but deep down we both knew the words were something to the tune of ......'what was wrong with our old life'...........and 'I want to go back'............. Now....Paul is amazing. He just read scripture to comfort us. There is a plan and a reason. Remember...........we started this journey because of a calling---not because of gushy feelings. "You did not choose me, but I choose you. I will equip you"............and in some ways I was like the Israelites. Remember when the earthquake happened and I said it was like we were against the Red Sea, and the only way through would be for God to make a path?..............well He made a path...........we got the kids home.............and now I was grumbling and wanted to turn back??....???..?? So that night we had a mental decision to make. We could march forward trusting God for endless blessings or we could secretly question WHY, WHY, and WHY. We have both chosen to march on ahead...........and there has been peace. God has it under control.............we just have to trust Him.........Life is beginning to feel good again.........................(and English is being understood more)
Each day we all change. That scared and terrified little boy...........is now running around and hollering most of the time. He doesn't scream out of panic when you even move or turn your back..........he's trusting us more and more. You can't help but love on him. One of the hardest parts was to give love and meet their needs when we were in complete disarray ourselves. Yet when I look at everything they had been through...........can you blame them for acting scared? Someone pointed out 2 Corinthians 1 to me. I've clung to it........"Praise be to the God and Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received form God. " As we are adjusting, God is comforting us............and we are able to provide that comfort for the kids.........God is good!!!!!!!
We had a GREAT weekend........I think I have a video to post later........that will come soon.........but for today we have family pictures!!! I think it will be so fun........it IS hard to believe that we're all here together............ALL of us.............being a family..........I can't wait to get these pictures of everyone!!!!! It's going to be fun! Oh..........here is a picture of us from last week.........our family in snowmen
7 comments:
Thank you for sharing how "God was in that gap." I praise Him for His faithfulness to your family and I pray that He would continue to annoint you with His presence, peace, and perseverance! In Him, Amy
I know exactly what you're saying!You are SO not alone! All of this "stuff" is SO NORMAL and I promise it will get better day by day, or at least month by month. F has been home 7 months this week, and I am amazed and humbled at how much "easier" it has become. Hang in there and know that you are NOT alone! Ask for help when you need it!!!
Psalm 18:16-19,30-36
We were in this very place three years ago when we welcomed home our one year old daughter Naomi and six weeks later I gave birth to her baby brother. I wish our early days together had been "prettier" but part of following Him on this journey has been allowing Him to "stand in the gap" when we were clueless and wanted to run and hide. It does get better, I promise, and make sure you reach out to those around you for support. May His peace be with you today and the days to come.
Check out Karyn Purvis' new book called, The Connected Child. You can also find her at www.empoweredtoconnect.org
She has been a great help to us:)
it took a lot of courage to post these comments. i admire you for doing so. so many other moms like us have felt these feelings to some degree or another during this time. hang in there and keep looking forward.
Cathleen
You are doing such a good work Marisa!! (and Paul too!) He does not promise that His way will be easy but He promises to journey with us and give us what we need. Don't try to make everything perfect-or have that 'perfect picture' that we Mom's think needs to happen - we put too much pressure and have too high of expectations sometimes... just spend your time loving those kids who will be eternally greatful for what you are doing for them. My Amber (16) and Claire (13) both babysit and did very well with Hoekstra's when Felmata first came home - if and when you and Paul just need a break from it all some evening - give a call!! I can have both girls come over and 'play' with your kids for a while :) Keep looking up and know that so many will continue to pray for you all!! thank you too for your honesty - we can pray so specifically when we know what is going on. It will get easier!! God Bless!!!
Thank you for your honesty, Marisa. There are many praying for you and Paul and all your little ones. Prayers that God will give you strength for each new day.
Thanks for your honesty. Life is never what we expect and things don't go as planned. Thankfully we have a God who is in charge of it all and who know us, loves us and has a plan for us! I pray God will continue to give you the feet to walk the path He has laid out for you. I hope you keep having more great weekends to share. Hugs!
Post a Comment