Kids need you......

In case I scared anyone away by saying adoption was hard...................................I came across this video and think it can speak for itself.........

They deserve to be loved............and to know God.........

We won't look back.....

Families don't just happen. I couldn't quite find words lately...........and yet couldn't just start posting fun times. There would have been a whole gap there that you were missing and it's important to see God in this gap.

I don't think we realized how much of a "crisis" we were in. In our own ways.........at different times........we've started coming down from that crisis mode. I would have told you we were functioning normal about 2 weeks ago..........but now I realize I have NO idea how we were functioning. The first 2 weeks are a COMPLETE blur.....and the last 2 weeks are still a blur.

As I think over the last 2 years, I did one of 2 things. I either built a wall up, trying to keep my feelings away, or I built up expectations of what life and the kids would be like. I naively thought that here we followed God's will and that our "test" and hard time was the ongoing, long, difficult adoption process...........and then everything would be great when the kids were home. Okay--I knew it wasn't going to be great...........but I didn't know how hard it would be. I didn't think some of these feelings could happen to me. The hardest part has been just HOW full of emotions everyone is and that really impacts how we act. The little boy that we had grown to love............to us he was full of smiles and easy going. He seemed to be growing like a big boy and I was expecting this boy who was about 4 yrs old to be running around and being on the independent side. Truthfully we get this little kid................who is terrified, screams all the time, untrusting, has some reverting with potty issues, and is literally this little peanut who looks and acts like a 2 year old. All I could say is...........wait, hold the phone.......this wasn't part of the deal. And we had no expectations for an older child adoption...........but we also had not spent anytime preparing. There wasn't anyone to tell us how we were suppose to react when we have 1 or 2 hour crying spells and having to sit and hold her for that time even as she kicks at you...... Like we have nothing else to do with 4 kids around. And even the first week..........these kids had your typical cold, snotty nose......along with intestinal issues........that STUNK........and just some initial eeeeuuwwww stuff...........stuff only a mom could love and deal with................and we were suppose to deal with us. I was the mom...........but wasn't dealing well. Some things just weren't coming natural at first. It was hard to immediately love and care for these 'strangers' in our house. I could go on and on about situations..................but eventually I came to a crossing point. I had my breaking point that all I could do was cry to Paul. I couldn't even find the words to say...........but deep down we both knew the words were something to the tune of ......'what was wrong with our old life'...........and 'I want to go back'............. Now....Paul is amazing. He just read scripture to comfort us. There is a plan and a reason. Remember...........we started this journey because of a calling---not because of gushy feelings. "You did not choose me, but I choose you. I will equip you"............and in some ways I was like the Israelites. Remember when the earthquake happened and I said it was like we were against the Red Sea, and the only way through would be for God to make a path?..............well He made a path...........we got the kids home.............and now I was grumbling and wanted to turn back??....???..?? So that night we had a mental decision to make. We could march forward trusting God for endless blessings or we could secretly question WHY, WHY, and WHY. We have both chosen to march on ahead...........and there has been peace. God has it under control.............we just have to trust Him.........Life is beginning to feel good again.........................(and English is being understood more)

Each day we all change. That scared and terrified little boy...........is now running around and hollering most of the time. He doesn't scream out of panic when you even move or turn your back..........he's trusting us more and more. You can't help but love on him. One of the hardest parts was to give love and meet their needs when we were in complete disarray ourselves. Yet when I look at everything they had been through...........can you blame them for acting scared? Someone pointed out 2 Corinthians 1 to me. I've clung to it........"Praise be to the God and Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received form God. " As we are adjusting, God is comforting us............and we are able to provide that comfort for the kids.........God is good!!!!!!!

We had a GREAT weekend........I think I have a video to post later........that will come soon.........but for today we have family pictures!!! I think it will be so fun........it IS hard to believe that we're all here together............ALL of us.............being a family..........I can't wait to get these pictures of everyone!!!!! It's going to be fun! Oh..........here is a picture of us from last week.........our family in snowmen

Accomplishment for the week

Life is starting to settle down a little bit. There are good days and times and challenging times. I haven't really collected my thoughts, but thought I'd post a couple pictures :)

First of all, Aidan and Bella are friends!!! This was a huge accomplishment and life has been going a little smoother---yea!!

Each day we see more of the kids' personalities. Aidan is starting to be more adventurous and run around the house without us RIGHT there. Samar is understanding most stuff, and each day speaking lots of english. Unfortunately her first 'sentence' is something like..........'mom, Austin took it away and is mean'..............what can I say...........

Another good picture was of Aidan and Alyssa. Not good............

Just a couple pictures of fun pj's they got.......

I catch myself just speechless for the path we have started on. I'm not talking speechless in a good OR bad way. Just speechless in the fact that having both kids home was NEVER on our "GPS" for this year. The fact that for the past 2 1/2 years we've been in this holding pattern and was expecting to be on it for another 1-2 years for Samar to be home. Instead here we are. We are a family! At last! I don't have to pinch myself...............because this IS real. Everything we've prayed and hoped for recently is happening. We don't have this thing "out there" that we're waiting for. We don't have to wonder about it.............we're living it. We don't have to guess what life will be like...........we know! Okay---it's CRAZY. It's HARD. There are bad times in this adjustment. There are challenges that I never knew I was capable of handling. But the good news is.............we are going to survive and THRIVE! God has a plan..............and we just need to keep seeking Him. There are lots of great stride each day that we can look back and see. Not only do the kids change, but we continue to change too.............to be the parents they need.