Highs and Lows

Low: needing to update paperwork and doing another pee drug test
High: Getting pictures of Aidan
Low: getting dr. to update medical forms for the umpteenth time between adoption requirements and medical insurance requirements
High: Hearing about Aidan and how his personality is
Low: once again bugging friends to update letters of recommendations
High: Knowing Paul is going to visit Aidan soon
Low: spending more $ on updating paperwork
High: Hearing kids ask when Aidan is coming home because they "really want him home"
Low: not really knowing when "the end" is.......waiting all summer
High: God is giving us patience
Low: Righteous anger with the length of this process
High: Remembering how God completely directed us to Aidan

Okay--you get the point. It's time for us to update our paperwork. I conveniently "forgot" about the letter informing us for about a week, then decided I better take care of it :) So it's really no big deal, but I think I was just having a bad attitude day when I got that. Do you know how many times we've had to get a Dr.'s letter. Since we started with Alyssa about 8 years ago..........that means we've done this about 6 times. And I think the thing that aggrivated me the most was getting updates on our letters of recommendations. See each time we've adopted we need letters and it's suppose to be 2 different people and preferably 1 non-related. So we've had 6 different people do letters of recommendations............I don't know if we can adopt again----we're running out of close friends!!!! (by the way, I'm sure whoever wrote letters for this last round, you are reading this and you'll be getting something in the mail to update that letter. Sorry---)

Well in case you don't know me, this stuff is really no big deal. Nothing really gets me hot, but it definitely reminds me that 1 romantic night would be so much easier and less time consuming than all this..........
BUT.....then again I would have missed seeing God in my life.

In fact talking about adoptions. I think I'm more passionate about them than before. If that makes any sence. I think we were forced into the adoption world the first time. Forced isn't the right word---"directed" by God because other doors were closed. But you know what I mean. Even Aidan was God leading us. We had many doubts about doing a 3rd adoption. We questioned if we wanted to stay a family of 4 or go to 5. But as we wait for Aidan my thoughts have completely shifted. I'd love to adopt again----just because we have the ability to share love with someone. It's not about deciding what the perfect # is for a family---but about sharing what a family is. This week we were all once again taken down by sickness. After spending 2 nights with both kids purging from both ends I couldn't help think about "who takes care of Aidan" when he's sick. Who sleeps by his side and helps him when he "doesn't make it to the toilet?" But even deeper than Aidan........I wonder if there are kids who don't have anyone to do this for them? I wonder if there is a little kid who just wants a family?
I recently read a book about a boy who grew up as a Haitian slave and eventually came to America. Through out the whole book the theme that jumped out at me was just how much he wanted to be loved and part of a family, and called a son to someone. (I do tred lightly when I talk about reasons for adoptions--I am a firm believer that I am not "saving" a child----quite frankly I think a child helps to save me. My mentality is about sharing love and family--not about rescuing or saving)
If any of you are reading this and have ever thought about adoption......wow---it's an amazing journey. If you've ever wanted to have your faith stretched, and God grow you......adoption can do that. I'm not saying I have it all handled and I have strong faith----quite the opposite is true. Sometimes I feel like I could crack at any time because it affects every aspect, yet He is my "lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". It can be really amazing----you should think about it!!