my 2 angles

As I glance back over the last posts, it shows highlights of great times. But life isn't all swimming and sun and playing. In fact, there is constant change and re-evaluation........... what is working and what isn't. We have one that won't listen or throws a full on kicking tantrum when told "no", or one that gives haughty eyes. We had to put a stop to the girls being caddy and snobbish. We made a decision to separate the girls into separate bedrooms. We have one that loves any attention by others, and just making sure the attention comes from us. Even issues of food come up. just the every day trying things...........learning manners and not finishing off others plates. When enough food is enough. And also on the other end. Learning we eat at dinner, and not having 10 snacks times a day. And sometimes it's not even issues, but just being irritated.......and there are times that I just get sick of being nice and staying positive with the kids.............and I can get matter of fact and grouchy with the kids too. Each day I feel like at the end of the day we are talking about an issue that seems to directly come from the change in our family or impacts of this event in our lives.

I need to also tell you about something I heard that had been haunting me for a long time now. Shortly after the kids came home, I heard an adoption counselor saying that "unfortunately, too many people in this area think that 'they were called by God' to adopt, but that isn't enough reason to have a child"...... That has always haunted me, because I have always been unable to explain why we chose to adopt internationally other than God. I feel like we have fought the process along the way in a spiritual sense, and yet have had peace knowing that God is in control. So when I heard a professional saying that..............it made me doubt myself .......because there are days that our whole world have been turned and shaken and beaten up side down.

So I was at the beach and carrying Aidan up the steps. 2 ladies started making small talk and asking where he was from. I kind of have my spiel down..........."they are from Haiti. They came home after the earthquake....but we were connected with them before it.".....yada, yada, yada. They made their small talk too........they had both adopted kids.......about 8 or 10 years ago. So after a minute of small talk, the conversation turned very intentional. It was like everything else in the world stopped for a moment. They were on each side of me and one took my arm and just said everything I needed to hear. She went on and said...........'you know it's hard right now. But it does get easier. You are here for a reason and a purpose. And God has you here because he has a plan. And you are part of God's plan and God has a purpose for all this ' I just stood there speechless, biting back the tears. And one of them went on to say..."you will not look back and doubt your sense of family once you start making your memories as one. When you have history with them, that is when you realize that you are in it together." And just the assurance that GOD HAS A PLAN...........oh how i needed to hear that. And I needed to hear it from someone who has been there, done that..............a seasoned adoptive parent.

Well......it began to rain so we had to say good bye. Actually we had gone to the beach to watch a storm roll in. Once we saw lightening and felt some rain, that is when we had walked up the stairs..............but for that 10 minutes the storm held off so that I could have my visit with 2 angels. I walked away to catch up with the others knowing that Yes!...there are such things as angels.

play.......laugh......love

Repeat

play.....laugh.......love

repeat

As we were driving home from a week at a cottage, I saw those words on a billboard and kind of snickered to myself. Just finishing a week of vacation.....an awesome vacation......those words couldn't be more true!!

We had a great time. This was one of those things that are talked about all year long at our house and brought up time and time again..........'remember at the cottage.....' so from day one I was praying for good weather for us. I began praying in March that our week of vacation could be a truly memorable week........and we were doubly blessed. The cottage that we rent is kind of a dive, but it has this awesome sandy beach and great lake for swimming. So the weather is a big factor........you either have a horrible vacation with bad weather..........or a fantistic week----like we did. It's such a good feeling to start making memories together. And we have some pictures at home with Alyssa and Austin at the cottage and now Samara can say......'hey--I've been there and know what that is. ' and just join in on the conversations.

And it was a good feeling when we came home to feel like we were coming home to ...."our home". I haven't really felt like this was our home yet since we moved last fall, but this was the first time that I felt like we were back "home". So just such a good feeling.

I seriously can't tell you enough that the vacation went about 1000x's better than Paul or I expected. The kids all played together..........they were great.........they enjoyed being together......which made it enjoyable to be around them---LOL........and it was truly a 'play........laugh.............love' kind of week.

couldn't have been better!

hot weather.......fireworks.........sunny skies.............pool...............this all equals perfect birthday for Samara!!

We couldn't have asked for a funner day for her, everything went just right and I was so happy for her. Ever since about March she has been asking about when her birthday was. The other kids told her when it got to be hot weather and we could swim and there would be fireworks for her birthday.........she has been talking about it ever since. So this past weekend was it.

Everything seemed to be just perfect the whole weekend. We've had beautiful weather.....a fun "late night picnic" at the fireworks. (which the kids loved). We had a great lunch time with a pastor from Haiti. Truthfully I was thinking that it was "one of those things we should do" because we wanted to show the same hospitality while he was here, that we have experienced while being in Haiti................but the thing was............it was such a blessing to have lunch and talk with him. He is an amazing person and it was US who were blessed..........incredibly. I'm so honored to be able to have spent time with him. I am thankful we were invited to have lunch with him and another family!!

And then on to Samara's birthday........

She woke up to streamers in her room and she had to walk through her doorway full of streamers. It was so fun to see her all giddy in the morning. I think the thing that made it such a special day..............it wasn't the parties or the awesome weather...............and the swimming in the pool.............that was all fun!..........lots of fun!!!!...........but the best part was just seeing the other kids completely love on her for that day. They were so excited for her and helped her celebrate. It about brought me to tears just how loving they were.........

It so could have easily gone the other way in which the other big kids were "jealous" because of all the attention on her, or because it was her special day...........instead they were totally encouraging her. I guess as a parent, that it probably what made the day. Because when the kids fight............no one has fun. So it was just awesome to see everyone being excited for her.

Then Alyssa says to her..........the best part about birthdays is that you get to snuggle with mom and she tells you all about when you were born and how you came to this family. Well, it made my heart melt that the kids value that we do that and see that as a special time about hearing "their" story...........but it also made me sad to think that there is so much we don't know about Samara's beginning. She has a special story with us and she has her own story about coming into our family..........but I wish I could help with more of her questions she will have some day. But no sense in thinking about what we don't have.......it is what it is........but my prayer is that she will accept her story for what it is also and it doesn't haunt her.

So we ended her day snuggling. I think it helps in all the bonding process having a day like today. Just realizing that I WANT to give her a great day. I WANT her to have a great day. And it was thrilling just to watch her totally enjoy her day!!!

God bless you Samara!