Great Adventures........

wait no more

2011-05-11T03:30:00.000-07:00

There are always excuses, but maybe God has laid it on your heart. Your mind might tell you you can't, or you don't have enough money, or you're too busy, or maybe even that you are single. But there is no single "perfect" family. We are all families who are following God's will.

Michigan Wait No More Promo Video from Focus on the Family on Vimeo.

let's cross our fingers

2011-05-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

I've been tackling more paperwork lately. I guess in reality I'm just at the beginning of the end for Samara, so we still have major hoops to do, but feel like I have a plan. For Aidan, I decided to tackle the final 2 steps. One, get a passport. And two, update his social security status now that he has citizenship status. So today we had a passport appointment. No big deal. That is...... until the guy told us he had to send in ORIGINAL documents. He needed the original citizenship paper, and the original adoption decree.

At first my response was........'NO WAY buddy.--Not doing it' I haven't done hours of paperwork and gotten no where with unfriendly government processes, only to have something lost and never returned and no one will EVER help me get back what I need. And if I think it would be a nightmare to get a US document replaced, it would be IMPOSSIBLE to get a Haitian document replaced. So nope---not doing it.

He was pretty cool, he sensed my hesitation. He even called the 1-800 number that processes passports, and sure enough, they won't process it with copies. So I hesitantly handed them over. (Half teasing him 'I knew where he worked'..........)

So instead of feeling like paperwork was off my plate and being processed, I feel like I left something and will anxiously wait til I get the originals back in my hands safely. Hopefully the 4 week processing time will be speedy!!!!

on the farm

2011-04-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

Spring break came and went around here. It was great to have the kids home during the day. Our break started off kind of slow as one kid was laying around sick, but we were able to get in a day trip and enjoy a weekend of sunshine :)

We went to Fair Oaks Farm. I guess the best way to describe it is that it's a big "commercialized" farm. There are some 80,000 cows there, but there is a whole tour center to attract visitors. You get to tour the farm, see the processes, they have a birthing room, a kid's play activity center, outdoor activities, a movie theater and of course a cafe with lots of dairy choices from grill cheese, chocolate milk, cheese, and ice-cream....yummy!!

The buses were spotted like cows that took you around to view the cow area's and feeding places.

This was the milking area. (above) They call this the "dairy-go-round", which the cows need to get on to get milked. of course the name alone was cool for the kids....

And they got to practice milking themselves.....

We were able to see 2 cows being born that day! It was pretty cool. The above picture was the cow being born and the mommy licking her clean and then we went back to the birthing barn later in the day and saw another cow being born, but we also got to see the cow from earlier----she was in the "cow nursery". So the picture below is about 2 hours after birth :)

It was so cute to watch the cows trying to take their first steps! Usually within about 30 minutes of being born they would try to stand up. It was just so cute and the kids got lots of laughs out of that.

They also had this 3D or 4D movie theatre. It was a super cute movie. Of course being 3D was cool for the kids, but then they also had these air hoses built into the back of the chairs and misters. So in the movie when it showed the cow being milked, then they pretended to squeeze the milk at you, and simultaneously the misters sprayed a mist............so the kids were all geeked about how cool the movie was. Or like when the tractor rumbled, your seat actually vibrated.........cool stuff!

We finished spring break with a day of WARM weather and sunshine. It was so good to have, I think each of us were just soaking it in. Here is Aidan and Bella lounging together!!! So cute!!!

good time

2011-03-28T20:07:00.000-07:00

Paul has had a few trips out of town this spring. One being to Orlando, Fl. He was staying at a great resort with a nice pool, walking distance from Universal, so he asked if I might be able to join him. All of me wanted to say NO, just because we had just gone away on a vacation this winter and had our kids taken care of---and yet it was just too good to pass up the opportunity. But I decided to take advantage of the time with one of the kids. I took Alyssa with us to Florida and it was a wonderful time of connecting with her.

We had fantastic weather, and just a great time. We basically had 2 full days of being together plus the half days of the travel in and out. Paul was actually really busy, we spent one evening with him, otherwise we were on our own----so the girls played!!!!!

First thing on the agenda was to get our toe nails done........they were in rough shape. Then we relaxed and played in the pool, we walked a river walk to Universal. It was about a 5 minute walk, or you could take a river boat ride too. There were stores to check out and lots of action going on. Once we knew Paul's agenda more and he was busy for the entire day and evening, we decided we'd go to Sea World and that was cool....neat shows, we fed dolphins, good time!

You know, I always thought it would be nice to do an over nighter with each of the kids when they got to be around the age of 10. This was a little "more" than planned, but was needed for us. The older Alyssa gets, I realize complexities to her. That's a whole other post idea......nature vs. nurture......but just understanding her personality. She is highly social, very outgoing, creative, a genius, wants to lead, appears very confident..... She is one of the loves of my life. And yet she is so full of sensitivities, and insecurities, has some phobia's. She can have a difficult time expressing her deep emotions.....just full of complexities. She's had her own adjustment with the additions to our family. I can't even say it has gone bad. Actually for the most part.....it has gone well. But what can I say, other than...........there are many parts to this adjustment for a kid to take in and some of her frustrations in normal life and growing up, were all being taken out on family and especially Samara. She wasn't necessarily irritated with Samara, but it was easy to take out life on someone who is an innocent family member.

It was actually a great time to share with Alyssa that sometimes life can be hard. Sometimes life is following what God planned for you. And sometimes life may not be exactly how we thought, but God is in control. And Alyssa gets that. I think that's an important thing to talk about in family. It's important to know that parents need to rely on God too. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that life is always rosey and we have it all together. Because reality is, we need to depend on God daily too.

Anyways, I feel like it was a good time for both of us. She seems to have turned a corner. Before she had acceptance but was holding back something, and it seems like each day that wall gets lower and it's about total acceptance. For myself........I actually missed all the kids. When I went away in January I will admit, I wasn't ready to come back to all the kids and didn't miss them. But this time, I actually missed them. When I came back I saw that Aidan has missed me too. He seemed to regress a bit in his speech and his teacher said he really missed me. So there was a sense that he needed me. And just as I talked about Alyssa with her acceptance.........we are both human and it can be the same for me.

So it was a time of connecting since the adoption, and also a time to talk about life. boy.....I don't think I'm ready for any next stages......but whether I'm ready or not.....they will come. We talked about importance of taking care of ourselves, hygiene, how bodies change, and all that good stuff. Knowing how to listen to our bodies and be in control (needing more sleep instead of being crabby) and importance of habits and devotions. Not too much, but just enough to plant seeds. It's good to get it all out in the open about life too. Emotionally, we're not ready for everything so more talks will continue to come..........yet I think it's important to have it be on going communication and openness...........and not just a one time event. It struck me about a month ago while I was at work. I was working with a 13 year old who was very mature, could answer questions about her body, was developed in all ways..................and inside my jaw was dropping to think that in 3 years a body can accomplish from point A to point B. I don't think I"m ready for that.........and I know both Paul isn't!!

Anyways, it's fun to think about what we'll do with each of the kids in the upcoming years. looking forward to other fun adventures as the kids get older and need one on one time too.

better late than never.....

2011-02-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Aidan!! He turned the big 4. He was pretty funny with his birthday. After making birthday treats for school, and having cake and birthday meal here, and birthday with cousins........he was totally into it. He would open his present up and say.....'no peaking at my present'...... He has such a humorous side to him.

His birthday is valentines day, and amazingly, it's just as hard as having the Christmas birthdays in the family. I made more a valentines dinner and had red and white stuff, and got all the kids some valentines candy and had that on their plates............so it was "hard" to focus on birthday, when it's so fun celebrating valentines with all the kids. Such is the hard life.......

As I am intentionally looking at pictures of Aidan over the last year, I realize HOW MUCH he has changed. Last year he was in complete shock, we barely celebrated his birthday. He had no comprehension of it when he first came home, and we just weren't handling groups, crowds of people or big excitement. I remember being "sad" for him last year just at the fact that he had no clue what was going on and that it was even his birthday. No comprehension of what it even meant. And now a year later..........he was so fun to watch. He knows EXACTLY what is going on. He wants every part of it and is like any other kid celebrating their birthday. full of excitement!

Seriously, I can't believe how this boy has changed. Often I don't realize it, because there are plenty of frustrations still........but that is for another post........but let me tell you how amazing he is.

A year ago:

said about 2 words total

stayed on our laps

sucked his thumb all the time

ONLY played on his own, in his own world

Today:

speech is still delayed..............but for the first time, and recently in the car for a second time---I felt like I wanted him to BE QUIET! (the first time he decides to sing and be loud was while I happen to stop and buy some new bras. So there I am in the store and just letting him belt it out because he had never done that before. I think everyone knew I was buying essentials!)

we were at a play area............and there he was, running around chasing with another boy who he had just met and started playing with. I about wanted to cry.

he interacts and plays regularly with other kids that are over

doesn't want to be all alone in a room

So, this was around Christmas. He was playing and singing around. I sneakily took the camera out, and was recording him. Just watch the progression as he realizes I'm taking a picture of him. At first he was just singing. Then he turns on his funny mode! Enjoy!

USA citizen

2011-02-17T18:35:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday we had Aidan's citizenship appointment. All went well and he is officially a USA citizen!! I dare say........he is about 'complete' with paperwork. I don't know if I can even fathom this thought, but I think it's true!! I don't have to double reference him at medical offices, or anything else like that..........his name is all the same and we have proof of his existence and part of our family and....... oh such a good feeling!! Although..........just to completely finalize everything........we are getting a passport for him. But that is such minor paperwork, I will "whip" that out next week......LOL!!!!

So I do have to tell you. It is such a wonderful feeling. But it was such an anti-climactic ending. The pictures are wonderful and will be a fabulous memory. And it's all just such a good event.

But this is how the day REALLY happened..........we chose this day to have the appointment because all the kids had off of school. We debated about having all the kids along, but thought it would be so good to have the memories of family supporting him and pictures of everyone there for the big day. So it was a day off a school, and yet we were up before 7 to get ready. We were on the road by 8:30. It took us just over 3 hours to get to the area. We wanted to drive there, to make sure we knew were it was and would be on time. But then we stopped at McDonalds and got some pop to go with our picnic lunch. ( we had McDonalds the previous 2 days in a row, and 3 days just wasn't going to happen. ) So we ate our picnic and then let the kids run out on some sidewalk to get some energy out. From there we went to the gov't building and had to go through security. Found out no camera's were allowed, so had to leave that behind. At this point, our appointment was in the next 10 minutes, but they had just emplemented a new reciept system. So we had to pay prior to our appointment.............but no one knew how to generate a reciept. And we weren't allowed to procede to the appointment without a reciept. so for the next 1 1/2 hours we sat in the lobby..........waiting.

Are you catching that......waiting.......with 4 kids.

So then we did get in our appointment. The officer was nice, and it went fine. Paul and I had to answer some questions and go over the paperwork, and the kids sat against the wall and continued listening to the iphones and watching movies.

From the appointment, we waited more to get our certificate. So by this time we'd been in the building about 3 hours. And just like that the officer gave us our certificate and we were on our way..

That was it. No fireworks!! No congratulations. no whooping or hollering...........or letting out a scream of excitement. That was it. So ......uneventful. but done!

Somehow Paul has a way of smoozing people and we snatched a picture with the words in the background. I don't think the security guard was too happy with the receptionists...........but we at least have some GREAT pictures to remember what a great milestone this was. So then we went out to eat......On the Border. Chips and Salsa has to be Aidan's favorite food, so it was great! And I can't complain about the margarita's......a great way to celebrate :)

paperwork shmaperwork

2011-02-10T20:29:00.001-08:00

I really just wanted to update on our paperwork status. Yes......even after a year, we are still messing with paperwork. There is nothing easy about having name changes, date of birth changes, wrong addresses with the government, hunting down info, adoptions that were or weren't finalized.........and trying to keep it all straight. For the most part of the year, it's this lumming area of papers in my house, that I know are important, and yet have no organization to them. i'm so afraid to purge anything, because at times I just take the whole file where I go, but I know there is probably 3 or 4 copies of everything. So hence.......when I do need something........it throws me in a tizzy because I need to locate something..... or frankly..........it just throws me in a tizzy when I'm trying to fill out a new government form and have no idea what the world they want...............

aaaaahhhhhhh! But at last, we are seeing SOME light. Some. We are checking off major things and getting that much closer to locking the safe.....and never opening it again... ha!ha! ha! ..

for Aidan we officially have a birth certificate, a social security number, and we have a citizenship day scheduled for next week!!!!!

and for Samara..........we officially have a birth certificate and we just processed her social security number. So things are rolling!!!!! Her citizenship will be a ways out yet, just because of the different stage of adoption we were at............but I feel like some big stuff was accomplished!

So 3 cheers to where we are at! And hopefully next week we have some great pictures to post of Aidan--and the family, of course!

down right cold

2011-01-31T17:56:00.001-08:00

It's been down right cold. Too cold to play outside much. In December the kids couldn't wait to go outside after school and they would be out there for an hour most days.........but now, it hasn't been much fun lately with just "ice snow" out there.

So we've been up to.........swimming!!

I have to say it's been really good doing this. One or two of the kids mentioned wanting to try swimming out this past fall, so we did. We didn't get any passionate "YES--I want to be in swimming", but we didn't get any "NO'S" either. So we actually didn't sign up at first and were going to pass on it. But the week after the deadline, I got a lot of..........."can I play the computer?......or Can I watch TV?........or "can we see if friends can play?".......And I was thinking we made the WRONG decision about not doing swimming. So I called and they could still join..........so that is what we've been up to!! and since everyone is really at the same ability level, and they were all in the same age category..........it was kind of a ---all or nothing activity. If one goes, they all go. And they are ALL doing amazing!!!!!

I think it's been great for Alyssa and helping her manage time and get her energy out. It's wonderful for Austin that he's been sleeping well. and Samara has been amazing. She does great at swimming, so it's fun to see her doing something fun instead of trying to help her with homework all the time. It's just helped with some of the winter blues!!! AND, I feel like it's helped keep us all healthy...........so I don't think you can go wrong with swimming! and I love it that it's a team thing, and yet so individualized. Honestly there is so much competition with the kids, but in swimming--it's just about doing YOUR best! So 2 thumbs up to swimming this year. (as much as I loved it.........I'm looking forward to being done this week too :))

The biggest fan...........of the concession both!!

Concourse G

2011-01-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

One year ago......so many memories! I can't let the day go by without mentioning that it was one year ago we were joined with Aidan and Samara. We had waited up all night in the airport waiting for their plane to arrive in Miami---in Concourse G. Finally it was at 9:33 AM that we were finally united with our 2 beautiful children from Haiti.

It was a night of memories with other families as we anxiously awaited. Then to be able to hear the 80 kids from GLA sing their song and each be united with forever families. Such an amazing time in history for us. I remember greeting and hugging Aidan and Samara...........and then Samara wanting to show me all of her friends. So we walked around and she showed me her friends. And it's ABSOLUTELY amazing at how far we have come in a years time when I think we weren't speaking any english one year ago........

Walking through the airport with Dad

We went back to our hotel room to clean up before heading home, Samara will talk about this.

We got home and snuggled into pj's and looked at a couple books before snuggling in bed.

First picture together at airport.

We are truly blessed to have you part of our family Aidan and Samara. We love you!!!

a bad day in Cancun is still better.......

2011-01-17T06:54:00.000-08:00

It didn't take much convincing from Paul that we should get away, just the two of us, and take a vacation. He mentioned it one night, but we didn't talk about it. I thought about it for a day and was totally on board. I thought of all the years..........we could inconvenience our parents for a few days. So thanks to 2 moms and a sister, we had 6 days of a glorious vacation!!!!

It was SO WONDERFUL to just be away from the routines of daily life. It was time to get away and just have time to be refreshed, and come back with lots more patients. We stayed at an all inclusive, so it was FABULOUS to have everything done for us......room was cleaned, food was always prepared, and cleaned up, fresh towels were at our service....whatever we wanted, and with no responsibilities to go along with it!!!! We could eat whenever we wanted...........and didn't have 4 kids to get ready and make sure it was a 'kid friendly' menu!!

But i do have to say that the weather was just OKAY. Our day of arrival and the following day were great! We warmed our chilled snowy bodies in the sun and enjoyed listening to the waves while snoozing! But then we had 2 days of rain, followed by chilly sweatshirt weather. Many activities were cancelled, like the windsurfing that we were looking forward to trying out, the snorkeling, catamaran boats.........So, we did ALOT of reading! We found some couches in the lobby that were in a nice setting with waterfalls and made ourselves comfy! The last day when there was no rain, we bundled up and sat on the beach yet.

Around the 4th day, a family came that had 4 or 5 kids and they were jumping in the pool even though it was sprinkling. My first thought was..........that's usually us---freezing our butts off in a pool or lake just so the kids can play.....and I didn't really envy the parents. not at all. But after hearing the kids laughing and jumping in.............I'll admit---I thought about the kids. I was SO looking forward to soaking up the sun and "forgetting" about the kids.............but REALLY---the kids have a way of making life fun! My first choice would have been to have sunshine and no kids, but if we couldn't have the sunshine, then I admittedly missed the kids.

So I wasn't really ready to deal with routine life...........but it was GOOD to see the kids. And they had a huge surprise party for us when we got home! I think they spent all day getting decorations, balloons, making cookies, a cake, and then having supper ready for us when we came home. (Thanks Lisa) And everything was clean and laundry done---so life is good!

Path from our room to the beach.

Cool cloudy skies

Snuggled in our sweatshirts and towels

trying to catch the beach, even wrapped up

By the couches we sat at for 2 days

The awesome swim chairs--for the brief day we used them :)

just a cool picture!

Now for the deep thoughts:

Being in an airport this time of year brought on a lot of emotion. January 12 was the year mark of the Earthquake in Haiti. When the calendar turned to January, I didn't feel very emotional about it, but being in a similar setting, brought it all back to reality of the happenings. I realize this has been a HUGE year. I know I've said that before. But there just isn't words to describe that i think I was a walking zombie those first months. i have more understanding for ANYONE who has life changing events in their life. The ability to cope with unexpected life changing events is a process. Anyways, as I thought about the year, I realize how far we HAVE come. We are doing good. We are functioning----WELL. In fact, in the last month there was a situation that Paul and I both commented on the fact that we couldn't have imagined this with just 2 kids instead of 4. So life with 4 kids IS good. It's GREAT!

As we prepared for vacation, I was totally thinking that a week of soaking up the sun was going to be the cure all for dealing with the daily routines. I just needed to sleep away my responsibilities and let them drift off with the surf. I was thinking this was just going to be what I needed, and would be able to pick up the pieces and deal a lot better after vacation. But.............in reality.............even a perfect vacation isn't the cure all. I couldn't help and think about how I haven't really let God take care of the daily living in our lives. We started this quest by earnestly seeking God with direction for our life, since we had two kids and were ready for the next part in life. So He was real, and alive and leading us............and then somehow I let go of Him. I somehow didn't bring Him into our daily living when He gave us this next step in life. And somewhere along the line, this daily living has become pretty exhausting this year. There are times that I want to kick and scream about how our life has changed. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the kids----I love all 4 kids. It's just not having guidance to start each day.....I'm never going to be able to do it all. It's only going to be with His help that we have a successful daily life and meeting the needs of each kid. If I try to do it on my own, all it takes is being hit with one of the 4 kids' attitude and it's spirals downhill from there all day. And the thing is.........I know this. But I just kept pushing God away. Thinking I didn't have time and that life was going 'good'. Sometimes even being angry for the craziness that has come from following God. So I was okay with 'good'........but not really satisfied. A 'good life' isn't good enough for me. I want life to be "great"......and I can't do that on my own. It's a daily surrender. Daily.

So I guess if it took going on vacation to realize...once again.... that a vacation wasn't going to fix my daily routines, but only God can..........it was worth going on.

Snapshots of the last 2 weeks

2011-01-01T08:46:00.000-08:00

Ready to do a quick tour of what we've been up too? Here we go.....

Merry Christmas to you!!

We had a blast at Great Wolf Lodge. This has been one of our traditions to take some time away and focus on birthdays amidst the holiday season. All the kids were looking forward to swimming, and everyone had a fabulous time. Aidan especially loved being in the water and going down the slides.....he couldn't get enough. It was fun to be around that 3 year old excitement!!

After playing for 2 days.........we had a quiet ride home :)

Alyssa turned 9! We celebrated with chocolate fondue. This was actually our first time having it with the kids---and it was a BIG success. We had lots of fruit and some angle food cake and pretzels and then dipped them in the chocolate. Aidan totally got into it---you had to watch out for him and his fork. But everyone decided we had to do that again........good, fun food :)

Happy Birthday Alyssa!

We had wonderful parties with our families. We feel truly blessed to be able to enjoy our family during the holiday season.

The kids helped act out the Christmas story.....very fun!

And an amazing feeling having us together for Christmas!

So as we come to the end of this season...we wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! You never know what God has in store for your 2011. Trust Him.......give it a try.......He might just completely blow you away!!!!

it's BIRTHDAY season!!!!!

2010-12-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

Today........and for the next week.........our house is filled with an 8, 7, 7, and 3 year old. No wonder I'm going crazy!!!

Austin turned 7 today. That just seems like a "growing up" number to me for some reason.

I learned 2 things today about kids and birthdays though.

first---December birthdays are not ideal.

Second---Kids like to get more than one present on their birthday. In my mind I know Austin will be getting like 10 gifts between Christmas and birthday parties, so we got him one thing. But to him, this was his first party and he was a little disappointed like.....'i only get one present'......oopss!! I don't even think it was a greedy thing. just the shear pleasure of having your birthday as a kid and wanting to open up presents....Even if it's a book, or candy or whatever...

okay, three things. Third---my kids love waking up to balloons and streamers in their bedroom. I've always done that in the past, but today it slipped my mind because he was getting a single balloon and going out for lunch with dad, but he asked why he didn't get the balloons and streamers in his bedroom.

oh, and fourth----to make one of his "top choice gifts" come from mom and dad on his birthday. We kind of gave him a "lower on the gift list" item since we knew what he was getting later on, and I think that was "disappointing" for him to not get something he really wanted today.

from a kids perspective..........I completely get it!!!! Nope---kids don't have to get everything they want...... and nope---presents don't make you happy............but as a kid-----don't you love it when you get something you really want from your mom and dad?........

So I live and learn!!!!

But regardless of things I learned............I think he had a great day!!

LOVE the Christmas programs

2010-12-13T06:06:00.001-08:00

Our past week was filled with programs and I just love them! I love seeing what the kids have been working on and all the excitement they have.....

Our church did "Back to the Manger" The 3 older kids were all involved and singing and Alyssa was an angel for one scene too. We've been listening to the music since September so even Aidan would sing along in the van! It was a completely amazing performance that the kids totally enjoyed being part of.

The general theme was a time machine which skipped generations, and brought them back to the manager scene. It was really a fantastic play or musical. Loved the songs and they had fun doing different themes of the decades.

Alyssa had a piano recital. She started piano last fall and is doing fabulous with it. I signed her up for piano because she needed something that was "hers" to do. I'm always helping Samara and Austin with reading and so I needed to find something that Alyssa could do and have her be accountable each day for. Usually it's like pulling teeth to get her to learn her lesson the first day or two, but by the end of the week she will sit down about any free time she has and plays. She usually has her lessons memorized each week. I'm not sure yet if it's just something to do, or if she enjoys it............but regardless, she does a great job playing.

And of course, we had the school choir concert. They did wonderful at this too. It's amazing they can learn so many different songs and betweens grades 1-5 they recited Luke 2, so incredible to hear all their hard work. Austin and Samara in the top left and Alyssa is in the right of the picture. It's kind of hard to see anything, but fun to include. And Austin was a towns person in a song they added stuff too.

So it's been a great Christmas song filled week.

bah humbug

2010-12-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not very thrilled about the whole commercialized side of Christmas. Frankly it stresses me out and makes me grumpy. I went out to the store with 4 specific things in mind, one for each kid, and do you think I could find any? not one. And to go from store to store is just a waste of time. So I decided we just weren't doing it this year. I'm not shopping around for the perfect gift, I'm not making myself busy til I'm crabby.........

And after all..........it's not OUR birthday.........It's JESUS' birthday. So who should we be buying presents for anyways?

We've heard that lots of times. And at church we talk about it and I get it. But we still do the double sided thing. We give to Jesus, and yet we also go on shopping frenzies just because that is how it is. But really...........something has to change for us. I just don't enjoy the stress of picking out the "perfect" gift and making sure it's "worth" the money. I haven't found a toy worth the money yet..........

I want so much more out of Christmas...

so....... at the table we were talking about our days and one of the kids ask me how my day was. So in a teasing manner I said.........." it was just terrible. I went to buy Christmas gifts for you guys and couldn't find any. Everything is sold out and mom is so sad. It was just terrible. I mean, how can I not get gifts for you guys. It's just a terrible day".....I was being all dramatic and teasing (but deep down very serious) and then of course I ended with........'the only good part about my day was when you guys came home from school and I could see you. that was the best part of my day.." and you know what their response was.........(!!!!!!!)...

"that's okay. it's not worth the gifts mom. We don't want you to have a terrible day. you don't need to go shopping and have a bad day. Seriously mom, don't do that again. we don't need them."

I just love them. I really, really do.

Here are some memories I want to have about enjoying Christmas. Having a sleep over by the Christmas tree and watching movies. (We DID do this last weekend.) Baking cookies. Haven't done that yet, but hope to with family. Playing outside, and building snow fort. Enjoying life!!! Listening to Christmas music while playing games or veggin out. Having "homemade" ornaments hanging on the tree. Taking the time to bring cookies over to someone and maybe having a special ornament or something thoughtful with it, instead of something store boughten. ENJOYING a cup of hot cocoa and stirring it with a candy cane. Okay......so the best things don't come by rushing around. the best things come with taking the time. Scheduling the fun stuff so it can actually happen......

Bye-bye cast

2010-12-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

Aidan got his cast off today!! He has broke his arm earlier this fall and had a cast on for the last 5 weeks. So today was a great day!!!

Let me tell you, the cast didn't slow him down one bit! In fact, I think he was proud of having it so it gave him even more confidence to be rough. It's going to be hard to keep him "low key" for this first week without the cast!

So, not too much of an exciting story, but here is how he got it on in the first place:

Paul was gone and I was cleaning up the supper dishes. All the kids were wrestling, and just being crazy in the family room. As the playing was ending, Aidan kind of wimpers and says "owwiee". He was holding his arm by his side, so I assumed he was holding his tummy. So I gave him a hug and asking him if he got kicked in the stomach. I kind of kissed his owwiee and said his tummy would be better. Immediately following that he crawled on the couch and got sleepy, but it was just a few minutes before bedtime so I didn't think anything about it.

He went to bed and slept all night. In the morning he said he had owwies again. And again I was thinking he was holding his stomach. (his arm was by his side) So I pulled his pj shirt up and kissed his tummy and asked if he got hit in the stomach when they were playing. At that point he said........"not my tummy, my arm"

OH! Sure enough. In hindsight, he was holding his arm to his side, not holding his tummy.

So I watched how he acted and sure enough.............he couldn't hold his cereal bowl, he wasn't using his arm........So as I was putting on his clothes for the day I saw his elbow was way swollen. I knew it was broke. So we dropped the other kids off at school, went to the Dr. office, then to the hospital for x-rays, and then on to the orthopedics for a cast!

The orthopedics office was an old stomping ground of mine when I did x-rays, and I knew the Dr., so we did a fun cast. Aidan chose blue and green stripes. He was proud of it. He did real good through the whole thing.

But after 5 weeks, there is nothing like a long tubby either!!!!!

Catching Up

2010-11-30T19:43:00.000-08:00

I could never find the right words to come up with when I thought about writing. So many thoughts and ideas and yet never the right words. Some days I wish we could just be "normal" and I didn't have so many thoughts about adoption and kids and poverty that swirl around. So much good is in our lives, and yet as one blogger writes........it's Messy. I couldn't figure out how to link to this blog, so I cut and pasted someone's entry. I'm not trying to copyright this, but I know that I couldn't say anything better........so just read on.........:

Messy

Before Duzi came home, while we were still gestating in the paperwork pregnancy process that is adoption, I had the incredible opportunity to glean wisdom from friends who have adopted. Most of these friends attend my church. Some of these sages are in my very own family. I’ll never forget what my friend, Kathleen (mother of 5-- 3 bio, 2 adopted), told me about parenting adoptive kids from traumatic backgrounds. Over lunch one day, she said, simply, “Adoption is messy.”

She didn’t say it in an intimidating way – she said it in an honest, encouraging way – in a setting realistic expectations kind of way. I took her words to heart and began trying to adjust my expectations. Even though I had read lots of books and blogs on adopting older children, I knew that I had romanticized the process to a certain extent, and I wanted to prepare for reality.

The truth is, I don’t think any parent, biological or adoptive, can truly prepare adequately for the arrival of a new child. You learn on the spot, adversity becomes your teacher, and you cry a lot. Most often, you learn by making mistakes. The addition of Duzi to our family has been wonderful and hard at the same time, just like the other two times we’ve added children to our family.

But, we are definitely encountering new challenges - challenges that are unique to adoptive parenting. I haven’t blogged since August. I’ve avoided writing because I haven’t known how to articulate just how messy our life has been. I’ve hesitated to write about the chronic messiness of our new family life because 1) We are supposed to be a poster family for adoption, 2) I don’t like feeling vulnerable, and 3) Denial is just more comfortable sometimes; It’s a pretty awesome coping mechanism.

Here’s my full confession: I’m exhausted and am dropping balls all over the place. I’m forgetting things. I’m not doing a good job caring for important friendships in my life. I’m having a very difficult time processing any adversity that pops up outside our family life. I’m grieving for my new son and all that he’s lost in his young life. I believe God uses adoption as an incredibly transformative, redemptive tool but, all adoption stories begin with loss – and I’m grieving for his loss.

The grieving is what caught me by surprise. Mike and I have traveled all over the world, visiting orphans and street children in unimaginably poor communities and slums. I thought we had grieved for these injustices. I thought we were appropriately outraged.

And then, we started grieving these things for our son. Our SON. We’re committed to protecting his privacy and to allowing him to tell his own story when he’s ready. But, as you can imagine, there was a significant portion of his life that was lived under very unjust circumstances.

Strangely, this has thrown me for a loop. We knew all about his story before he came home. The story itself wasn't a surprise. But, as we bonded with him and really became his parents, the story we had memorized felt different. Now, I’m incredibly angry about what he’s lost and profoundly sad about it - in ways that feel paralyzing and incapacitating sometimes. For the first time, because I am an upper middle class American woman and have lived a life of privilege, I am seeing injustice through the eyes of a mother, and it has wrecked me.

So, if I haven’t responded to your emails, texts, or voicemails – I apologize.

I’m a mess.

I do think that this mess is holy. And I know God is at work, doing His usual thing - redeeming pain, transforming our mourning into gladness, making a way in the desert.

This has been a life changing experience and I sometimes wish it didn't "mark" us. But then I remember that this is who God made us. His work started about 10 years ago in us (or longer) and I do believe it is our lifesong...............So we'll continue to write thoughts about us, or adoption, or whatever life is bringing to us......

Value for the rest of life

2010-09-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

The Place of Nothingness
by Os Hillman

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

Do you find yourself in a place of nothingness? There is a time and place in our walk with God in which He sets us in a place of isolation and waiting. It is a place in which all past experiences are of no value. It is a time of such stillness that it can disturb the most faithful if we do not understand that He is the one who has brought us to this place for only a season. It is as if God has placed a wall around us. No new opportunities - simply inactivity.

During these times, God is calling us aside to fashion something new in us. It is a place of nothingness designed to call us to deeper roots of prayer and faith. It is not a comfortable place, especially for a task-driven workplace believer. Our nature cries out, "You must do something" while God is saying, "Be still and know that I am God." You know the signs that you have been brought into this place when He has removed many things from your life and you can't seem to change anything. Perhaps you are unemployed. Perhaps you are laid up with an illness.
Many people live a very planned and orchestrated life where they know almost everything that will happen. But for people in whom God is performing a deeper work, He brings them into a time of quietness that seems almost eerie. They cannot see what God is doing. They just know that He is doing a work that cannot be explained to themselves or to others.

Has God brought you to a place of nothingness? Be still and know that He really is God. When this happens, your nothingness will be turned into something you will value for the rest of your life.

*****

It's been so long since i've taken time to write stuff. I have, and am, devoting myself to getting stuff in order around our house. Now that kids are in school, I feel like I'm getting some sanity back. I just had to share this devotion with you. It was just over a year ago that I came across this devotion for the first time. When I read it, I could only relate to the "place of nothingness". It seemed to totally relate because here we were, in our adoption process for Aidan and we were patiently waiting..............and yet having so much turmoil that God wanted something else from us. I remember reading it and identifying with 'crying out to God' and just not knowing what God wanted from us. I felt like we were fighting and God wasn't revealing any plan to us. For some reason it impacted me enough to keep it.....

Then God things happened. We moved, only to find out about Samara at the same time. One probably wouldn't have happened without the other. Then our lives were changed completely with both kids coming home.

So as I'm sorting out "stuff" at home, I come across the devotional and read it again. Only this time, the "turmoil" means nothing to me. The only thing that stands out is the end..............your nothingness will be turned into something you will value for the rest of your life.

Isn't God good!!

my 2 angles

2010-07-27T02:22:00.000-07:00

As I glance back over the last posts, it shows highlights of great times. But life isn't all swimming and sun and playing. In fact, there is constant change and re-evaluation........... what is working and what isn't. We have one that won't listen or throws a full on kicking tantrum when told "no", or one that gives haughty eyes. We had to put a stop to the girls being caddy and snobbish. We made a decision to separate the girls into separate bedrooms. We have one that loves any attention by others, and just making sure the attention comes from us. Even issues of food come up. just the every day trying things...........learning manners and not finishing off others plates. When enough food is enough. And also on the other end. Learning we eat at dinner, and not having 10 snacks times a day. And sometimes it's not even issues, but just being irritated.......and there are times that I just get sick of being nice and staying positive with the kids.............and I can get matter of fact and grouchy with the kids too. Each day I feel like at the end of the day we are talking about an issue that seems to directly come from the change in our family or impacts of this event in our lives.

I need to also tell you about something I heard that had been haunting me for a long time now. Shortly after the kids came home, I heard an adoption counselor saying that "unfortunately, too many people in this area think that 'they were called by God' to adopt, but that isn't enough reason to have a child"...... That has always haunted me, because I have always been unable to explain why we chose to adopt internationally other than God. I feel like we have fought the process along the way in a spiritual sense, and yet have had peace knowing that God is in control. So when I heard a professional saying that..............it made me doubt myself .......because there are days that our whole world have been turned and shaken and beaten up side down.

So I was at the beach and carrying Aidan up the steps. 2 ladies started making small talk and asking where he was from. I kind of have my spiel down..........."they are from Haiti. They came home after the earthquake....but we were connected with them before it.".....yada, yada, yada. They made their small talk too........they had both adopted kids.......about 8 or 10 years ago. So after a minute of small talk, the conversation turned very intentional. It was like everything else in the world stopped for a moment. They were on each side of me and one took my arm and just said everything I needed to hear. She went on and said...........'you know it's hard right now. But it does get easier. You are here for a reason and a purpose. And God has you here because he has a plan. And you are part of God's plan and God has a purpose for all this ' I just stood there speechless, biting back the tears. And one of them went on to say..."you will not look back and doubt your sense of family once you start making your memories as one. When you have history with them, that is when you realize that you are in it together." And just the assurance that GOD HAS A PLAN...........oh how i needed to hear that. And I needed to hear it from someone who has been there, done that..............a seasoned adoptive parent.

Well......it began to rain so we had to say good bye. Actually we had gone to the beach to watch a storm roll in. Once we saw lightening and felt some rain, that is when we had walked up the stairs..............but for that 10 minutes the storm held off so that I could have my visit with 2 angels. I walked away to catch up with the others knowing that Yes!...there are such things as angels.

play.......laugh......love

2010-07-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

Repeat

play.....laugh.......love

repeat

As we were driving home from a week at a cottage, I saw those words on a billboard and kind of snickered to myself. Just finishing a week of vacation.....an awesome vacation......those words couldn't be more true!!

We had a great time. This was one of those things that are talked about all year long at our house and brought up time and time again..........'remember at the cottage.....' so from day one I was praying for good weather for us. I began praying in March that our week of vacation could be a truly memorable week........and we were doubly blessed. The cottage that we rent is kind of a dive, but it has this awesome sandy beach and great lake for swimming. So the weather is a big factor........you either have a horrible vacation with bad weather..........or a fantistic week----like we did. It's such a good feeling to start making memories together. And we have some pictures at home with Alyssa and Austin at the cottage and now Samara can say......'hey--I've been there and know what that is. ' and just join in on the conversations.

And it was a good feeling when we came home to feel like we were coming home to ...."our home". I haven't really felt like this was our home yet since we moved last fall, but this was the first time that I felt like we were back "home". So just such a good feeling.

I seriously can't tell you enough that the vacation went about 1000x's better than Paul or I expected. The kids all played together..........they were great.........they enjoyed being together......which made it enjoyable to be around them---LOL........and it was truly a 'play........laugh.............love' kind of week.

couldn't have been better!

2010-07-06T13:03:00.000-07:00

hot weather.......fireworks.........sunny skies.............pool...............this all equals perfect birthday for Samara!!

We couldn't have asked for a funner day for her, everything went just right and I was so happy for her. Ever since about March she has been asking about when her birthday was. The other kids told her when it got to be hot weather and we could swim and there would be fireworks for her birthday.........she has been talking about it ever since. So this past weekend was it.

Everything seemed to be just perfect the whole weekend. We've had beautiful weather.....a fun "late night picnic" at the fireworks. (which the kids loved). We had a great lunch time with a pastor from Haiti. Truthfully I was thinking that it was "one of those things we should do" because we wanted to show the same hospitality while he was here, that we have experienced while being in Haiti................but the thing was............it was such a blessing to have lunch and talk with him. He is an amazing person and it was US who were blessed..........incredibly. I'm so honored to be able to have spent time with him. I am thankful we were invited to have lunch with him and another family!!

And then on to Samara's birthday........

She woke up to streamers in her room and she had to walk through her doorway full of streamers. It was so fun to see her all giddy in the morning. I think the thing that made it such a special day..............it wasn't the parties or the awesome weather...............and the swimming in the pool.............that was all fun!..........lots of fun!!!!...........but the best part was just seeing the other kids completely love on her for that day. They were so excited for her and helped her celebrate. It about brought me to tears just how loving they were.........

It so could have easily gone the other way in which the other big kids were "jealous" because of all the attention on her, or because it was her special day...........instead they were totally encouraging her. I guess as a parent, that it probably what made the day. Because when the kids fight............no one has fun. So it was just awesome to see everyone being excited for her.

Then Alyssa says to her..........the best part about birthdays is that you get to snuggle with mom and she tells you all about when you were born and how you came to this family. Well, it made my heart melt that the kids value that we do that and see that as a special time about hearing "their" story...........but it also made me sad to think that there is so much we don't know about Samara's beginning. She has a special story with us and she has her own story about coming into our family..........but I wish I could help with more of her questions she will have some day. But no sense in thinking about what we don't have.......it is what it is........but my prayer is that she will accept her story for what it is also and it doesn't haunt her.

So we ended her day snuggling. I think it helps in all the bonding process having a day like today. Just realizing that I WANT to give her a great day. I WANT her to have a great day. And it was thrilling just to watch her totally enjoy her day!!!

God bless you Samara!

Let the summer begin......

2010-06-24T03:10:00.000-07:00

Summer has started off with a BANG!! I didn't expect anything less, it's just getting into a new rhythm. We were at a cottage last week which was extremely good for the kids. We just saw such great things in everyone when we were there. It's a great campground that is a safe environment, so Samara was able to have some freedom on her own. I could tell her she could ride her bike to the park on her own, and she loved her independence. She could play with "her" friend and not always with her siblings. And Aidan.......he loved vacation!! He played and played with his cousin and I just saw a whole new side of him. His confidence in being with a peer instead of older siblings and just being able to play was so good to see.

Among the fun, we started summer tutoring, so that is just another thing we need to fit into our days. It's good for Samara to have this one on one time and I hope she becomes more confident in her education skills too.

Somehow I wanted to get all Dr. appointments finished while everyone was in school, but we seemed to be just on the late edge of doing that. This week Aidan had some man parts surgery. He has been so funny with his surgery. At the dinner table when it was his turn to pray, he said....."Dear Jesus (and he has this sweet little drawn out voice, so it's like dddeeeaaaaarrrrr Jeeeeesssssssuuuuuuussssss..............Aidan ouwwie........Aaaaaaaaamen!" It just made my heart laugh for him. We've just taught him the "dear jesus, thank you for this food, amen" and every once in a while he does his own prayer which I think is really amazing for him to say what he wants in prayer time.

I didn't really spent too much time taking pictures, but most of them were of Aidan. I think the older kids were off and playing and he was around me........so he stole the camera last week!

First comes love........

2010-06-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

then came marriage....

then came baby in a baby carriage.

Ah……….. if it were always that easy.

But the truth is…..marriage is work. Continuous work.

Most of what I talk about has to do with our adoption and life with the kids, but I probably don't always give the credit and attention to the man behind the scenes...

My wonderful husband, who is my best friend, and I love doing life with…….

and yet marriage is work.

My amazing husband who one minute can walk into the room and take my breath away...
and in the next minute could walk into the room and annoy me just for breathing my air.

That’s because……it still all takes effort.

Today we celebrate our 15^th anniversary. What a milestone……and yet it seems like just yesterday we were getting married. It's been filled with absolutely wonderful times. I love all the memories we’ve had together. I’m amazed at how love continues to grow, and I love how we have fallen more in love with God together. There are lots of things that could have ended our marriage, yet as I look back….. these are the times that have been adventures as together we sought the Lord for direction. These are times that have been some of the milestones in our life through the trials and triumphs.

But everything hasn’t come without fighting for it. I remember a story the pastor told at our wedding. This is kind of a summary….. About having a list of things you might like to change in your spouse, but having the grace to over look it. So if something is bugging or irritating…………this person would just say…..’oh, it must have been on that list---oh well’. So in reality, you just shrug it off as an area that you would have grace about……. So if I ever think about how I wish I’d like to change such and such……….i’m often reminded that there is no need to keep track of that stuff………….it must have been on that list and no need to think about it again…..

So….. here is to my sweet husband. I am so thankful for you. Thank you for loving me even when I don’t deserve it. Thanks you for always being willing to work at life and forgiving me when I make mistakes. Thank you for believing in me and sharing my passions in life. You are an incredible husband, dad and man of God and look forward to many more years together.

Our life verse…..which happened to be at our wedding……

Ephesians 3:20 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”

just because......

2010-06-07T17:44:00.000-07:00

It's the 'hanging out' moments that are the most fun!!!

my graduates!!

2010-05-31T18:11:00.000-07:00

We had kindergarten graduation last week. It's an incredible evening of celebrating all they have learned over the last year. The graduation is a big deal at our school...........kind of a long tradition. The kids do a "show" for us in which they incorporate some fun story, but it includes a great message and also they get to "show off" stuff they have learned. Meaning they include memory verses, songs, math facts, reading...........all sorts of things they have learned. It's an evening of fun watching the kids, but also very touching when you get to see a video slid show of the kids and hear all they have learned. They actually walk down the aisle to the "pomp and circumstance" which is enough to bring the tears on. They even give parents a flower! And they get to receive a diploma and gift bag.................a truly memorable night.

When we went through the graduation with Alyssa, it was just truly meaningful because it was our "first". It was this big milestone that our "first" was going to be in school full time for all the years to come. It was hard to believe our little girl had grown up to 1st grade already.

This time I went to the evening kind of knowing what was in store. Even though I knew what the evening looked like, I was still super excited. As I sat there looking at the kids, I realized just how special this class was also. See, I was able to be part of this class for about a month of their school year as I helped Samara transition into school. I had gotten to know most of the kids and see how they all function...............and just to see all their personalities. Each of them having their own strengths and gifts. I wish kids could see that...............EACH of them have strengths and gifts. There isn't ONE that is BETTER. They are ALL valuable!! wow----it really was amazing. It's a great group of kids!

I often wondered how Austin was at school. After being in school with him, I was able to see strengths in him so much clearer. Instead of worrying about maybe his weaknesses, I could see that there are many things that he is amazing at. It gave me a glance at what an amazing kid he is and I'm so excited to see how he continues to grow.

And as I sat there I thought of what an INCREDIBLE blessing our school has been. I was a little nervous having Samara go to school at first. There is no denying that everyone knew who she was. She was different, didn't know English as well, needed some social graces, and just new coming in the middle of the year. Yet just how she had been completely accepted and welcomed. I cannot even say enough about what an amazing teacher and aid she had this year. Her teacher just welcomed the challenge of Samara and she WANTS to see Samara succeed. I'm just so grateful for such a positive experience.

And then as I sat there I just couldn't believe what an amazing girl Samara is. 4 months. 4 months of being home and 2.5 months of school. She was amazing to watch and see how much she has learned. And she just had such delight in her face and so proud to be part of it. We really debated about starting school this year or waiting til the fall, and I just think it was the best thing. She was having such fun being part of graduation and I think it's a great memory for her to have. She is a girl of fierce determination and she is going places in this world! And she looked beautiful up there doing her stuff!! She has an energetic personality that just draws you to her smile.

So in this year of being done with Kindergarten..............the kids have grown and become these amazing boys and girls. My prayer is that God continues to guide them and be in their lives.......forever!

Samara walking down the aisle.

Austin walking down the aisle :)

Samara getting her papers and bag with a huge grin on her face!

Us with 2 amazing kids!!

oh so funny....

2010-05-24T06:01:00.000-07:00

There are those moments that the kids are quiet and are up to something......and I never know what to expect...... I heard a bunch a giggling and this is how Austin and Samara came down the stairs for bed......

oh, such silly fun!!!!

I think this picture may end up haunting them in later years...... ha!ha! ha!......

grace

2010-05-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Grace.

Maybe you need more grace in your parenting.

Those were the only words I remember from church this week and those words just keep going round and round in my head. I’ve been pondering them all week.

Parenting had changed for us. A lot. There have been so many dynamics that have changed…….going from 2 to 4……..adopting older kids…………….not having time to prepare—ourselves or Alyssa and Austin……..and just not being united in the way we always imagined. So our parenting had to change instantly. We had to pull back some of our affection to “the natives” (Alyssa and Austin) and we had to increase sticking to the rules and being fair. Everyone’s eyes were watching how the others were being treated. Truthfully it was heart breaking for me. Sticking to the rules is a good thing…………and there have been positive changes…………but changing our affection until we were ready to increase for all, has been a killer. I think this has been the area that I feel the most lost. I really considered us to be pretty affectionate. There is nothing better than snuggling with the kids, or when I would tuck them in bed to have the “kissy monster” get them………….just laying on tons and tons of kisses. When Samara and Aidan came home................... it was like having strangers in our house. It was one thing to give them a kiss and tuck them into bed…………..but to have the “kissy monster” come out………..I wasn’t ready for that. I couldn’t do that. So hence…….the “kissy monster” couldn’t really come out for the natives either. Life suddenly turned fair, and doing things exactly the same for each child.

Life turned to more black and white. The rules are the rules………and we needed to enforce them each and every time. I felt like a dictator. I felt like I wasn’t showing true motherly love to Aidan and Samara and I felt like Alyssa and Austin were being punished during this time that was suppose to be “good” for our family. Emotions were extremely high for every member in our family.

Can I just tell you parenting is so hard…………..

Adopting an older child is hard………….

Having it effect birth order and not just adding a young one who doesn’t know anything is hard……………

So it’s been a roller coaster trying to figure out parenting. First the emotional side of wanting and being able to be affectionate, and then also figuring out what we should or shouldn’t do or what works. We’ve been bombarded with stuff like…………….’you should do this or that if your child has been in a traumatic situation’…………….and ‘you should do this or that if they have been in an orphanage’…………and ‘do this with an older child’…………or ‘don’t do this if their back ground includes this…………

I feel like yelling.

The therapists would say to a kid who is disobeying, “boy, it looks like we’re not making good choices, it looks like you need some more mommy time. Why don’t you come sit by mom for a while”…………………which is easier said than done. (but does actually work)

So when I heard the words………….’do you need grace in your parenting’………………boy that hit me. I think I have these expectations of what my kids should act like and what Samara and Aidan should be capable of behaving like. I assume that Samara should understand what is unacceptable. Grace would probably help some of the emotions.

And to bring it another step……..............it’s amazing that God isn’t constantly angry with us because I’m sure every day I don’t behave how he thinks I should have learned by now. Grace. Grace. God’s grace.

I’ve had this book sitting on my counter for a while. Just hadn’t gotten around to it. So I picked it up this week. Shepharding your Child’s Heart. I wish I would have read this about 8 years ago. So if you are looking for a great book on raising your kids…………it’s life changing. It deals with getting to the heart of the matter in a child. And isn’t that what parenting is about. When your kids act out or disobey………….that you get to their heart and work on what’s really going on. Thanks Lamplighter for recommending it and living it out in your life too!!!!

We have layers and layers of stuff to work on. I’m feeling like I really am not cut out for this thing called parenting. But with God’s help and lots of grace……..I think we might just make it. J

race

2010-05-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

I think life has been such a blurr that I didn't even have time to think about the subject of race. But as time goes one, I"m more aware of looks and reactions to our family. Reactions range on all sides............So, whether you want it or now…….. let me offer you some thoughts and advice .....

I think that as we contemplated adoption for Aidan, we went to the best resource available----THE BIBLE.

No further research was needed.

God tells us to love one another. To love our neighbors as ourselves. He doesn’t say to love only the ones that look the way we do. See.........we've seemed to make this issue of 'race' into a big issue...........and it really isn't............AT ALL.

oh yes.............there ARE differences. But isn't that what we need to be CELEBRATING!!!

We are special because of how God made us........Period. We need to remind our children how creative God was when he made us all. We need to celebrate His creativity. There is beauty is wavy blonde hair, and there is beauty in beautiful brown skin.

It boils down to the same old topic...............people have always felt the need to prove they are better than someone else instead of embracing and celebrating their differences.......and Satan loves that.

But the good thing is.............you and I can choose for ourselves not to live that way. We can choose to love everyone and demonstrate that love through the way we live our lives. We can choose to not follow what the world views as ‘less than’ or 'better than'- and instead acknowledge that we are ALL precious in his sight.

You see............He see's our differences- He made us different on purpose. Not so we could fight over them but so that we could celebrate Him. Celebrate His creativeness and see those differences as beautiful- the way He does.

Oh......and TALK to your kids about differences. I came across this paragraph and summary of a quote in a book. (Nurtureshock)

How to Raise a Racist

Step One: Don’t talk about race. Don’t point out skin color. Be “color blind.”

Step Two: Actually, that’s it. There is no Step Two.

Congratulations! Your children are well on their way to believing that [insert your race here] is better than everybody else.

What NurtureShock discovered, through various studies, was that most white parents don’t ever talk to their kids about race. The rule is that because we want our kids to be color-blind, we don’t point out skin color. We’ll say things like “everybody’s equal” but find it hard to be more specific than that. If our kids point out somebody who looks different, we shush them and tell them it’s rude to talk about it.

It's kind of like the sex talk. If we never talk to our kids about sex, they are gonna have to figure it out on their own. Which will probably lead to some not-so-great influences filling in their gaps of knowledge.

So talk to your kids about race. Please. Have an ongoing and frank conversation, and observe their interactions with children who are different. Assume that they will have biases, and confront them when they emerge.

I will tell you that the only difference between Aidan and Samara and our other children is that they happens to have the most beautiful dark skin I have ever seen. Just like our other children- they has talents, dreams, and they has needs. They are full of life and full of personality. They make me smile every day............and there is much to celebrate!

Where to start

2010-05-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

So much good happened this weekend, it's hard to know where to start. I usually like to write about one thought, but since so much went on this weekend...........I just need to start from the beginning.........

Friday was pizza with Dixie!! Dixie---GLA's director---was in town, so we had a gathering and spent the evening talking with all the friends we've made in our Haitian adoptions. It was so good to see other families and touch base with them. I just think it's so good. It actually brought back lots of emotions about the whole event. I just found myself more emotional and on the verge of tears for a day or 2 just having it right there again. What was just so amazing was to see all these kids..............having been home for only 4 months.................all doing great. In some ways being confident and sufficient to play on their own..............so that the adults could sit and talk with Dixie. Who would have thought? Dixie talked about how things happened for her from the time the earthquake happened until the kids came home, and also since the kids have left. She talked about how God took care of them, and just how they were able to prove each child was connected with a family, and how she really fought to get the kids in through immigrations and allow them to come to our families and not have to go to foster care in Florida while papers where straightened out............and on and on. Just each tiny step was ALL taken care of. EVERY detail to making sure our kids came home was in God's hand. I'm in AWE just thinking about it and humbled that we ever question if we are being taken care of. Then we were all able to talk about how the events were for us, or what really hit us. It was just truly, truly amazing to hear how God had protected the kids, and just how each child was involved in such "God moments" for families. Just to hear about the 'miracle babies' who were thought to be on their death bed and questioned if they should board the airplane or not and today the child is thriving and crawling and full of life. The mom who just knew her son would be home for Christmas..............and guess what..........they were celebrating Christmas in January and their son WAS home for their Christmas. And another mom who said just how much she was in awe that her daughter was born in a dirt hut to a houseworker...............and 3 years later she was flying to their home on a private jet and being treated like a royal princess------God is going to have great things for His little princess. And for us..........I think our miracle in all this was just being able to have Samara home........NOW. We couldn't have endured 2 more years. We just couldn't have. It's amazing to have her home.............AMAZING!! And the stories went on...............the connections and friends made in those days of uncertainty and in the whole event. And I had to chuckle because EVERYONE mentioned how in those 10 days of waiting for what was going to happen that we were ALL GLUED to our computers and unable to function. But it was the truth. We weren't dealing with life during those days and I don't think we'll ever comprehend how drastic life changed and just the full impact of it. The deep emotions that were felt and have followed that event. It was just good to be together on friday. Very good! In August there will be a Haiti reunion---looking forward to that.

Then Saturday was a huge event. Paul graduated!!! For the last 1.5 to 2 years he had been taking classes for his MBA............and he is at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay----I don't even know how I functioned in life from January til April....................I have no idea how he was functioning with work and school and home life. But he did, and he did awesome---straight "A's". I'm so proud of his determination and hard work. As I think back over the last 2 years, he never missed the bedtime stuff and evenings with the kid DUE to homework. He had his usual night he was in class, or other events and commitments.............. but never did he just take off and go study during prime evening. It was always early, early or late, late. I still always had my tea at night with him. I'm just so thankful for him and for family being his priority. So I'm sure it won't sink in for a bit, because he isn't OFFICIALLY done til June 1, but it won't take long to fill his extra time with house jobs :) So hats off to Paul!! And we had a fun dinner to celebrate---we all went to a Japanese steak house. The food was great...........and the kids loved the 'entertainment'...........it just went great and had a ton-o- fun!

Okay--then to top it off..............it was Mother's Day today. I had flowers that the 3 older ones planted in school---so that was lovely. They brought me breakfast while I got ready for church, I got to choose everything for the day.............what we had for lunch...........then we went for a walk at the dunes---and it was a beautiful day out, we just got lost in the time while playing on the beach. I'm not sure if Paul bribed them..........or threatened them...............LOL...........but I'd hear..."remember, it's mom's day, she can choose"....and there was no complaining about what I chose. So that in itself was a priceless present.

Though as I end thinking about Mothers Day.........I think about what someone else said today----It can be a complex day as well. I"m overwhelmed to think my kids are here with me, and not still waiting for a mommy. We're so blessed to have our moms that take care of us yet, because no matter how old you are----you still need your mom. And my wishes to all my friends who are moms. Those who recently became a mom, or been moms for years. For my sisters who are all amazing. (both sides of sisters) For our birthmoms---who are so special. My wishes to those who have lost babies and kids, and those who have lost moms. And my heart breaks for those who yearn for a child, or for those kids who still yearn for a mommy. God has a special place in His heart for every single one out there. So no matter where you are..............blessings!!!

Family Pictures

2010-05-02T17:34:00.001-07:00

One of our first goals were to get new pictures as a family and get pictures of Aidan and Samara up around the house. So we had these taken in February....................and here we are. Just getting them up and out. Enjoy a quick peak as our hour and half session!!!!

What a great weekend!

2010-04-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

*two days and NO kids

*3 hour drive in PEACE

*over 2 hours shopping at outlets by MYSELF while Paul was in a business meeting

*happy hour.......need i say more

* walking through IKEA with my hubby

*eating dinner and getting what WE want to get and talking adult language

*sleeping..........okay--sleeping was horrible as it was prom night in this town and foolish high schoolers were staying over in a hotel and awake til about 3 or 4am.

*waking up with no kids to tend to

*enjoying my COFFEE

*shopping at IKEA, and more shopping, and more.............okay I hate shopping, but it was with no kids!

*lunch with my hubby

*peaceful ride home

Last weekend we had a lovely weekend away. My mom offered to take the kids........boy was she brave!! Actually I think she was sick of seeing my messy house and not having a good place to put our stuff and organize it.. LOL!! We have this formal dining room, complete with chandelier that we'll use as a computer room yet we didn't have furniture for it when we moved so stuff is just kind of in there. Maybe having that room organized would help with the piles of papers stacked in the kitchen........???? But anyways, she didn't have to volunteer twice for us to make a trip out of it. :) And of course Paul always has to push the limits. A one day shopping to IKEA turned into an overnight so we could enjoy dinner and an evening and then that turned into another full day so that he could do some business while heading that way anyways...........So that is how we got 2 days!!!!! And let me tell you it was wonderful. I feel like there was this checklist in the back of my head of things I hadn't gotten around to running past Paul or talking about. So we were able to talk about stuff and just plain feel like you got a grip on life again.

I have to admit..........I HATE to shop. I HATE it, HATE it, HATE it!!!!!!!!!!! I would rather do without than to go shopping. I'm a visual shopper, like I have to see the whole picture and have it put together to make it look good. I'm not very good at being creative and making anything look good. So IKEA was a little overwhelming. I walked through once to just check it out. Then on the second time I started seeing things I liked. By the third time....................I realized I was seeing certian things I liked...........just put together in different surroundings. Okay----like the fourth time through I figured out what we wanted for this room. Poor Paul. Like between friday and Saturday I think we were at the store for like 6 hours. But I'd call it success!!!! We have stuff for like an office/kid room and I actually think it will look good!!! Now...............it will be a bit before it's all put together because the room needs a little TLC and painting. Current project is some outdoor stuff.............but eventually we'll get to it.............and we just couldn't pass up a weekend of going away when someone offered to take the kids so we could go shopping. Thanks mom and Lisa for being with the kids!

So cute!

2010-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

The only thing I'd steal.........

Is a kiss from a sleeping boy!!!

Great day

2010-04-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. As I'm thinking about it, I just can't get over just how ........incredibly blessed I feel. It was a big day for Aidan and Samara and for us as well. We had them baptized, and it was just all good.

You know, we debated about if we should have a fancy dress or just a simple white dress. Fancy isn't usually me...........and it's not what matters...............but today I was glad we chose fancy. Samara loved spinning around and felt like a princess. When Samara would put it on she would say....'for me?" It was fun letting her have a special dress. When we look back on pictures, it will be a day that was special and different. And it's just plain good............after all.......... she is a princess since she is the daughter of the King! And Aidan. he was looking handsome as ever. I don't think he ever forgets his smile. It's with him all the time and he just looks as cute as can be.

spring break...

2010-04-13T17:03:00.000-07:00

Lots of work.......

But also lots of play!!!

Over the course of spring break we began our project of putting dread locks in Samara's hair. There were endless hours of twisting, but we made it! It wouldn't surprise me if we had about 12 hours into it..........so any waking tv time was spent with me doing her hair. I was going to do it over the course of 2 weeks, but with a funeral we had to get it finished.

We also stayed at a hotel for night. This was lots of the fun for the kids. The funniest part was watching the kids run around with excitement before we even went. Alyssa and Austin were all excited and running around singing (or yelling) 'we get to go to a hotel!!!!!......we get to go to a hotel!!'..............and so therefore Samara and Aidan were running around yelling.......'we get to go to a hotel!!!! We get to go to a hotel!!!' It was just hilarious to watch them be so excited..........and not even know what they were excited for :) But it was a great time. We were with cousins so that is always a new adventure for the kids to run between the rooms. Samara LOVED the water. She was like a fish. We gave her a life jacket and she was good to go. Aidan.........well, let's just say.............I might not have to worry about him so much this summer with the pool. Here is two funny stories. I was in the water with him and he says to me..."Aidan go pee-pee" So of course we get out of the pool right away and go. He unloads and I know he's totally good to go for a while. The minute we get back in the pool...................Aidan looks at me with this grin and says to me, "Aidan go pee-pee". He is one smart kid..........he thought he figured out the words to "no more swimming"........but I wasn't falling for it

So I was laughing at that and telling Paul, so Paul says to him..."Aidan, do you like swimming, or do you like time outs?" Aidan says............."time out please!"

so that's where swimming ranks!!!!

although I have hope that he will like swimming, because usually whatever the big kids are doing........he wants to do too. :)

It doesn't matter.....

2010-04-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

This past week we were able to spend the final moments of grandpa's life with him. As I sat and was watching all the family members and kids around and was watching him breath some of his last breathes, I couldn't help and think about how there is NOTHING in this world of earthly importance that matters. Here grandpa lay.....with little clothes on....and anything that might have earthly meaning is NO WHERE around. There was only ONE thing that mattered...........that he knew Jesus. The only memories that really mattered were the ones about his character and his love for Jesus.

It was once again a challenge for me to think about. Because it's funny how it's so easy to get caught up in earthly things.........daily. It's it human nature to want to prove yourself?

Do you ever get tired of trying to prove yourself ?

Prove that you are.....

Pretty enough

Rich enough

Strong enough

Worthy enough

Skinny enough

Smart enough

Creative enough

Popular enough

Good enough

ENOUGH.

But really can I tell you that......

Your diplomas, degrees, and credentials don’t make a difference.

How popular your kids are don’t make a difference.
The square footage of your house doesn’t make a difference.
Your jean size doesn’t make a difference.
Your pedicures, massages and French manicures don’t make a difference.
Your designer labels don’t make a difference.
How clean your house is doesn’t make a difference.
The size of your diamond doesn’t make a difference.
Your past failures don’t make a difference.
Your bank account doesn’t make a difference.
Paying $120 to have your hair done monthly doesn't make a difference.
Others approving of your life doesn't make a difference.

Your HEART will be what makes the difference.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

Only with adoption.........

2010-04-07T18:34:00.001-07:00

It's been a bit of a process with Samar's name. I, admittedly, called her Sa*mar when she was first home......(not knowing better)..........only to be told it was Sah*mah. So we have gotten use to that. Yet, most places we go she is called Sa*mar unless people know her.

Recently Samar has also asked about why names are different. Why is Manuel.........Aidan? or why is so-and so now Abby? or so-and-so now Marcus? So she asked about her name as well. Without having any second to think about names I said........."why, would you want to be Ashley, or Denise, or Samara?" And she right away said she was Samara. She will call herself Samara now and write it that way. She even told someone that the other day. So we officially decided we are changing her name to Samara. It's an Americanized version of her name................most people aren't thinking French and having a silent R.........so I really think it will be good. It's just one of those things we didn't really think through since we expected a longer wait, and it just wasn't on our mind for the first 2 months.

Our paperwork is such a mess..........what's one more thing to confuse it, right???

Now the funny thing is Alyssa is asking what name she can have....LOL...........

Happy Easter

2010-04-05T05:11:00.001-07:00

Because He Lives......

We are So Blessed!!

We had a fantastic Easter Sunday. We had great church time and then we just had some time to play before we had dinner with family. We stopped by a park and had fun playing around and taking pictures. It was just a fun time :) And we were able to spend the evening with some friends and just celebrating with their family. What a blessing!!

Some of the very first things Samar would say to us would be............'do you love Jesus?' and 'Jesus loves everyone!'

We literally get asked that daily. Seriously. When we sit at supper she goes around and asked everyone....'do you love Jesus?' She will talk about Jesus and loving Him. And it was important to her that we loved Jesus too. She has brought up people in her life and would say.......'so and so loves Jesus'. And now as her english is progressing and being Easter weekend, we had so many visual opportunities that we could tell her all about Jesus. We could talk about what good friday means, and at church there was a visual of a tomb, and then just being able to celebrate that Jesus wasn't in that tomb, but alive! We are so blessed by this girl and by seeing her love Jesus, there isn't any language barrier for loving Jesus!

They are HOME!!!

2010-03-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

It sounds like such a weird statement to say that the kids are home.................but just in the last week i've had these reality checks that ..........YES!! THEY ARE HOME!

I didn't put it all together until I read an email from another adoptive mom about all the various emotions we've experienced and realized we haven't even been excited to finally have them home. We never got the time to be excited. We somehow skipped that part.

We went from a long wait to these acute feelings of despair and anxiety with the earthquake, and that rapidly set into overwhelming situations. In the overwhelming parts came some ugly feelings............there just isn't words to describe what our first 2 months have been like...... But I've realized that we never experienced excitement and gladness. We were never able to celebrate just how amazing the circumstances affected our family. I mean...........THEY ARE HOME!!!!! WHOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! All our waiting time.....................is done!! I was thinking that when we picked up Aidan it was going to be incomprehensible how we would have visited and left Samar there for maybe 2 years as we waited for her paperwork. But guess what...............WE DON"T HAVE TO WAIT!!!!!! Samar is home too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is AMAZING that she is home with us. I'm so thrilled we are adjusting to life and going through these times when she is 6.........not 8. It has finally happened.........................WE ARE A FAMILY!!!!!!!

I no longer have to look at other families and love the idea of a larger, diverse family..................WE ARE ONE!!!!!

As another mom said.........'we are finally doing what God called us to do 3 years ago'..................

I can see the kids as blessings and children of God..............and we are part of God's plan for their life. We are blessed!!! Life has been crazy, but it's also full of fun times. The more we "play" together, the more I realize life can be fun with change. We have been SO amazingly blessed at how well Alyssa and Austin are accepting the changes. It just has added a whole other level to their acceptance as kids and I am so thankful for this.

Oh.............and did I mention that it's so exciting that they are home???? We don't have to try and play out the timing of our lives. Like...........should we do this? or that? Should we spend money on this? or that? You see, our kids are HOME!! There is no more guessing about when we should plan on kids being home..................It's DONE!!!!!!!!!!

And do you know what...........................since we were SO close in Dec. to being done..........and as I tried to "choose" times in January or Feb. that I thought would have been perfect timing and worked good into "our" schedule..............everything did work out in perfect timing. God's timing. Jan. 22 wasn't a time I would have picked, but everything worked out perfectly. As always with God.

i do think this really deserves a big celebration......... more to add to our 'to do' list:) :) :)

2010-03-18T05:40:00.000-07:00

Do we trust God with our lives regardless of what we see? One second of doubt can change the way we view God’s presence in our lives. If God is leading you to do something, don’t resist Him. You will never regret obeying Him. He is the only one with all the facts, knows all the truth there is to know, and has a wonderful plan in mind for your life.” Charles STanley

I had saved this saying a while back. Before I thought it was so true, without a doubt. In the recent weeks I had to cling to it and trust God. I had to keep telling myself that God has all the facts. And I don't want to doubt and change my view of God. I needed to trust that His wonderful plan is still in progress.

I had a hard time updating anything on the blog because this has been a huge, huge, huge adjustment. There have been many phases to it all.........the exciting phase..........the honeymoon phase...........the establishing boundaries phase................and then the REALITY phase. I was stuck in the reality phase. I spent a week in this phase of being angry and mad. But I've come to realize that the kids are adjusting fantastically. It was myself that was having a hard time. My whole world had crashed down and there is nothing left of it like I knew it. My time was not the same. I have double the people needing my attention with negative time to myself. I was coming from having 3 full days of kids at school.............and now I am down to NOTHING!!!! Not only do I not have enough time.............but Aidan has been taken care of by other people while I'm helping Samar in school. This week I had a 1/2 day of just me and Aidan and it was THE FIRST time I spent a MINUTE with just him. i needed that. For bonding. I had to go back to my journal and see how we were led to this journey and remember that we are here to be used by God. But I guess in some way I thought it would be a good journey that would be easy, and happy. But this reality phase has been just that...reality. It's not always easy. When we started this journey, I wasn't really out of the little kids stage.........but after 2 years of waiting I am realizing how much freedom I had, and how easy life was...............and I didn't realize how hard it would be having a little toddler around again. I didn't realize that I'd have to be excited and smile after seeing the same thing and hearing "mom" for the 40,000 time of the day. I was naive and unaware of exactly how orphanage life affects kids. At first I had my expectations and was irritated when reality was so under it. Now instead of being irritated.........I can say I'm glad I get to be "teacher" in their lives and start from the beginning of learning. They always say to meet the kids were they are at, instead of the real age they are at. that has been hard for me........just dealing with that reality. I think for the past 2 years two things have happened. One, in some way I built a wall around my emotions to our child. I wanted to love him with all my heart, but was reserved because it was such a LONG wait and was guarded about having such feelings. But also in the 2 years I built up expectations in the wait. Maybe it was a way of 'fantasizing' about life would be like when it all finally happened. I think both things have been very hard in this whole process of adjusting.

And sure it's great to have nice weather............but there is ZERO trust in the kids and ability to be on there own. It's back to having all eyes on the kids while outside. I can't even comprehend what this summer will be like..............chaos!!!! And I never know if we should go out and run errands or if we're going to have some melt down and crying/screaming attack. And when we do go out...........I feel like I"m threatening Alyssa and Austin because I couldn't handle every kid being out of control. i"m not feeling like a nice mom lately.

And the idea of having a clean house?..........that went out the window....lol......... I do look back to how we moved last summer and am so thankful that we felt we should move. I can not imagine moving these kids in the near future. God knew what He was doing when we moved before they came!!!!! And if I think about putting in a video so that I have 1/2 hour to think...........I feel like it needs to be an educational video---which Alyssa and Austin balk at........and in reality---Aidan and Samar have no interest in TV so they are by me anyways.........so a video doesn't even work.

Okay----so enough about my pity party. I did have to chuckle that I use to think freedom was dropping off 2 kids at school and being on my own................now I consider freedom dropping 2 kids off at school, even if I still have 2 at home.......lol....!!!!! Seriously, another layer of fog has lifted. There is a little more of a routine to home. We've managed to get through dinner time without total chaos. Bedtime goes well and we actually had 2 full nights of sleep this week!!! (The first week the kids slept through the night probably out of pure exhaustion, but then we've had sleep issues.) It's amazing what sleep does :) School is going well for Samar. I'm doing some 1/2 days yet with her. Sometimes I feel like she has so much to learn, but then I remember how much she's learned in 7 weeks. It's just a lot of discipline on our part to do some learning and homework every night......with all the kids. So that has been our life. Just trying to maintain and keep alive :) I feel like the "water level" has been around my nose for the last 7 weeks, and this week I feel like the "water level" is around my chin level. i need to keep remembering that God has it all under control..........I may not........and don't..............but God does.

Many great firsts...

2010-03-01T17:27:00.000-08:00

Each day is full of many first, there is rarely a dull moment around here...... I thought I'd just share some BIG highlights of recent.

This is just a great picture of all the kids!! We went and climbed all the steps at a local beach and walked along by the ice and coast line. The funniest part was seeing Austin jump off an ice burg into ankle/knee deep water and lay on his belly and act like he was swimming, snow pants and all. Who says there is no fun in the winter!!

Aidan and Samar had their first snowmobile ride!! Some friends called up and wanted to tool around with the kids. It brought back fun memories............Paul and I had gone on a snowmobiling trip with them-----this was pre-kids......so about 9 years ago!!! Anyways, what a blessing that they could share fun stuff around there house with us and just love on the kids. I think their daughter was on a snowmobile for well over an hour giving rides to them!

We had a gorgeous sunny day and snow is melting that the bikes came out!! They've been pointing to them in the garage all the time, so today they came down. Both the kids loved it!

And today was a BIG day for Samar. She started school :) She wanted to go so bad and she really loved it. On the way home her words were......"school is good. very. very. good."

She's really a very social person. I think she thrives in the school setting and she really loved her first day. I'm so thankful for that. I went with her just to help ease the transition and to communicate things that she needed help with. She is doing some kindergarten and some pre-school time. I'll be in with her during the kindergarten times since they are a little independent and it's a bigger class, but for preschool times she can go on her own. We'll just evaluate how it's all going after the first week or 2.

Another first.........a trip to the ER. This wasn't a good first. We woke up to someone falling down the steps. I think I jumped out of bed and made it down the steps the same time Aidan made it down the steps. He had walked to our bedroom in the middle of the night in previous nights, so I"m not sure if he thought it was our bedroom or if he was wondering around, but he ended up with a good goose egg on the front of his head. I could tell he was going to be okay, but wasn't sure if he was able to communicate if he was really hurting so we went into to ER anyways. And it all turned out fine.

I think we have a couple rocky weeks just figuring out the school thing. Paul is home with Aidan while I"m at school, so we don't have a lot of normal yet. But I really see the light that soon we may find a groove again. i don't think life will calm down soon because everyone is still needing full on attention, but at least we can function and Paul can have normal again soon. Is there such thing as normal for a mom????

Kids need you......

2010-02-25T05:45:00.000-08:00

In case I scared anyone away by saying adoption was hard...................................I came across this video and think it can speak for itself.........

They deserve to be loved............and to know God.........

We won't look back.....

2010-02-22T01:19:00.000-08:00

Families don't just happen. I couldn't quite find words lately...........and yet couldn't just start posting fun times. There would have been a whole gap there that you were missing and it's important to see God in this gap.

I don't think we realized how much of a "crisis" we were in. In our own ways.........at different times........we've started coming down from that crisis mode. I would have told you we were functioning normal about 2 weeks ago..........but now I realize I have NO idea how we were functioning. The first 2 weeks are a COMPLETE blur.....and the last 2 weeks are still a blur.

As I think over the last 2 years, I did one of 2 things. I either built a wall up, trying to keep my feelings away, or I built up expectations of what life and the kids would be like. I naively thought that here we followed God's will and that our "test" and hard time was the ongoing, long, difficult adoption process...........and then everything would be great when the kids were home. Okay--I knew it wasn't going to be great...........but I didn't know how hard it would be. I didn't think some of these feelings could happen to me. The hardest part has been just HOW full of emotions everyone is and that really impacts how we act. The little boy that we had grown to love............to us he was full of smiles and easy going. He seemed to be growing like a big boy and I was expecting this boy who was about 4 yrs old to be running around and being on the independent side. Truthfully we get this little kid................who is terrified, screams all the time, untrusting, has some reverting with potty issues, and is literally this little peanut who looks and acts like a 2 year old. All I could say is...........wait, hold the phone.......this wasn't part of the deal. And we had no expectations for an older child adoption...........but we also had not spent anytime preparing. There wasn't anyone to tell us how we were suppose to react when we have 1 or 2 hour crying spells and having to sit and hold her for that time even as she kicks at you...... Like we have nothing else to do with 4 kids around. And even the first week..........these kids had your typical cold, snotty nose......along with intestinal issues........that STUNK........and just some initial eeeeuuwwww stuff...........stuff only a mom could love and deal with................and we were suppose to deal with us. I was the mom...........but wasn't dealing well. Some things just weren't coming natural at first. It was hard to immediately love and care for these 'strangers' in our house. I could go on and on about situations..................but eventually I came to a crossing point. I had my breaking point that all I could do was cry to Paul. I couldn't even find the words to say...........but deep down we both knew the words were something to the tune of ......'what was wrong with our old life'...........and 'I want to go back'............. Now....Paul is amazing. He just read scripture to comfort us. There is a plan and a reason. Remember...........we started this journey because of a calling---not because of gushy feelings. "You did not choose me, but I choose you. I will equip you"............and in some ways I was like the Israelites. Remember when the earthquake happened and I said it was like we were against the Red Sea, and the only way through would be for God to make a path?..............well He made a path...........we got the kids home.............and now I was grumbling and wanted to turn back??....???..?? So that night we had a mental decision to make. We could march forward trusting God for endless blessings or we could secretly question WHY, WHY, and WHY. We have both chosen to march on ahead...........and there has been peace. God has it under control.............we just have to trust Him.........Life is beginning to feel good again.........................(and English is being understood more)

Each day we all change. That scared and terrified little boy...........is now running around and hollering most of the time. He doesn't scream out of panic when you even move or turn your back..........he's trusting us more and more. You can't help but love on him. One of the hardest parts was to give love and meet their needs when we were in complete disarray ourselves. Yet when I look at everything they had been through...........can you blame them for acting scared? Someone pointed out 2 Corinthians 1 to me. I've clung to it........"Praise be to the God and Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received form God. " As we are adjusting, God is comforting us............and we are able to provide that comfort for the kids.........God is good!!!!!!!

We had a GREAT weekend........I think I have a video to post later........that will come soon.........but for today we have family pictures!!! I think it will be so fun........it IS hard to believe that we're all here together............ALL of us.............being a family..........I can't wait to get these pictures of everyone!!!!! It's going to be fun! Oh..........here is a picture of us from last week.........our family in snowmen

Accomplishment for the week

2010-02-07T18:04:00.000-08:00

Life is starting to settle down a little bit. There are good days and times and challenging times. I haven't really collected my thoughts, but thought I'd post a couple pictures :)

First of all, Aidan and Bella are friends!!! This was a huge accomplishment and life has been going a little smoother---yea!!

Each day we see more of the kids' personalities. Aidan is starting to be more adventurous and run around the house without us RIGHT there. Samar is understanding most stuff, and each day speaking lots of english. Unfortunately her first 'sentence' is something like..........'mom, Austin took it away and is mean'..............what can I say...........

Another good picture was of Aidan and Alyssa. Not good............

Just a couple pictures of fun pj's they got.......

I catch myself just speechless for the path we have started on. I'm not talking speechless in a good OR bad way. Just speechless in the fact that having both kids home was NEVER on our "GPS" for this year. The fact that for the past 2 1/2 years we've been in this holding pattern and was expecting to be on it for another 1-2 years for Samar to be home. Instead here we are. We are a family! At last! I don't have to pinch myself...............because this IS real. Everything we've prayed and hoped for recently is happening. We don't have this thing "out there" that we're waiting for. We don't have to wonder about it.............we're living it. We don't have to guess what life will be like...........we know! Okay---it's CRAZY. It's HARD. There are bad times in this adjustment. There are challenges that I never knew I was capable of handling. But the good news is.............we are going to survive and THRIVE! God has a plan..............and we just need to keep seeking Him. There are lots of great stride each day that we can look back and see. Not only do the kids change, but we continue to change too.............to be the parents they need.

God of Protection

2010-01-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

It's amazing to think it's been 1 week since our reunion with the kids!!

If you had asked me on Monday or Tuesday I would have said our lives were turned upside down and every which way. They were doing good..........but I was completely exhausted from everything. I can't even describe how mentally, emotionally, and physically over loaded I was. If I tried to write anything..........I couldn't come up with adequate words. If I tried to even talk........I would just cry. I was in bed and sleeping by 8:30 many times.................and wondered what had happened to our world. But, here after only a week, I'm feeling more like 'myself', and can honestly say.........Life is Good.........God is Good!

So I have some random thoughts from the week and some God moments I thought I'd share.....

My favorite thought is..........'Our God is not a God of destruction, rather a God of protection'. God didn't cause this terrible earthquake, but in it all He had an awesome plan of protecting His children. They have been protected and I'm thrilled to be part of God's plan for their life. It doesn't just end in a 'happy ever after reunion'.........there are some challenges in our adjustment.............and there are some pleasant surprises.........but in all we can ....TRUST GOD.

God moments:

On Tues...the day of the Haiti Earthquake....I was out shopping in the morning. This was before anything had even happened. I found this fuzzy, cuddly teddy bear and I bought it for Samar. I knew that was completely absurd to buy something for Samar since it would be like 2 years since she would be home..............but I am a teddy bear lover at heart............and I couldn't resist it when I saw it. Little did I know that she would be using it 10 days later and as I put her to bed tonight..........she is snuggling with it!

Airplane ride......can I just say it was such a blessing to ride on a private plane. Whoever donated it was such a blessing. It was just one less emotional thing to deal with once we were united with our children. It was truly a blessing...........it seems minor and we could have dealt with commercial airlines..........but it was just incredible to not have travel be a whole ordeal.

A couple days after being home, Samar was having her hair braided. As soon as it began she was real sad and began sobbing and even started fighting against it. When we didn't know what else to do to communicate.............Molly and Joyce from GLA called on my cellphone to check up on us and see how the kids were doing. You should have seen the kid's grins. They were so thrilled to hear from Molly and Joyce. It was only God's timing because we were able to communicate in the moment and Samar was brave and finished getting her hair done. But it was amazing to hear from them and what a blessing to know they are a phone call or email away.

Bedtime. I didn't know whether we'd be up all night with screaming kids or what.........but we are ALL sleeping. We do bedtime......books, songs, prayers.......and kids are out sleeping between 7 or 8. This is a huge blessing. I needed my sleep this week...... and it's awesome to see the kids all snuggled up and sleeping at the end of the day.

Family and friends. I'm so thankful for everyone. I'm not very good at accepting help, so I'm so thankful for everyone, as I was probably more overwhelmed with everything. My sisters went to IKEA and got a bed, along with pillows and a few things we needed. That was a huge blessing. Friends that came and met the kids. Meals brought over. A Friend that prayed over one of the kids. Friend that sang with Samar. Clothes for the kids. A clean house--(thanks mom). A cousin that kept us up to date with info. We have just been so blessed. We have been blessed to form friendships with other adoptive families and I'm looking forward to continueing them so the kids can see other families 'like ours'.

Let me tell you a bit about the kids. Samar is delightful. She talks all day long. I wish I knew what she was saying...LOL..She sings all the time. She's full of energy and joins right in with Alyssa and Austin. She has a beautiful smile. We had gone back and forth on how to pronounce her name.............but she has let us know..............'me is Sa Mah. Not Sa Mar. So there it is........the R is silent and it's pronounces SaMah. Aidan.........yes we are calling him Aidan... eventually. It's been a slow process with the name change because having both of them at the same time makes it tricker when Samar says.... 'no, it's Manuel'. But eventually he will be Aidan. He is a little more shy. Most of the time he is being carried by Alyssa.........our mother hen. And he loves it!! He runs around and joins in the hollaring............but also spends a portion of the time just sitting by mom and dad. He is not a fan of Bella yet, but we're working on that. Bella seems to understand and keeps her distance but hopefully it won't stay an issue. Did you pick up that I said he joins in the hollaring................our house noise level has increased. I jokingly say I have 2 kids that don't understand me, and 2 kids that don't listen.....LOL.......

Today we ventured to the aquatic center. I think dad was getting a little stir crazy at home. Can I just say Paul has been the best husband this week. He was home the majority of the time and let me sleep and took care of the kids, and took the kids to school..........he has been the best! He gave us the option of going outside----in 11 degrees, or go to the aquatic center. Well, since our membership expires tomorrow---we opted for swimming. And let me just say.......it was awesome!!! The kids loved it. Both of them loved the water. It was just a great time to get out and do something...........I think just a mental break for us parents!!

Well......i think that's enough for now. As this week has finished.............I feel very blessed.

And now if you can just imagine Samar saying this..........in her thick Haitian accent and deep voice........THANK-YOU JESUS.... All I can say is.....................AMEN!!!!

The New Normal

2010-01-24T13:23:00.000-08:00

whirl wind of a day

2010-01-22T17:58:00.000-08:00

But the good news is...........WE'RE HOME!!!!!

So after our long night in the airport, we still were just hanging out until around 8:00. So let me just point out that I had about a 20 minute siesta within the last 24 hours.

I think somewhere around 9:00 we we brought into a room, and then the kids were going to come in the room next to us and we could be matched up.

Once the kids were in the same area of the airport, Dixie actually spoke to us for a while. It was awesome to hear from her. It was amazing that Dixie, and Molly, and Joyce, and Stephanie, and the nurse, and a couple others were ALL able to escort the children to the US. It was just SO good to hear that they had been preparing the kids for this, and they made their last 24 hours an adventure. The kids sang songs, and were just 'on an adventure' and just hearing this made me cry. It was so good to know the kids were SO WELL cared for. They had prepared the kids for this, and the kids were READY.

Typically when kids leave the orphanage, the kids have a ritual and sing a song and say good bye to who ever was leaving. While at the airport, all the kids sang 'the song'. It was so touching to hear them sing........that brought on more tears.

But then the moment we'd been waiting for. This was probably around 11:00. We were united with Samar and Aidan. It was ....absolutely precious. We gave the kids a hug and Samar just was thrilled to see us. That was sooooo good. We didn't know what to expect from her. She was completely miss personality.

From there we lived in the moment with the other adoptive parents. But then we quickly returned to our hotel to clean up and was hitting the airplane by 1:00. So it was all very fast.

We were so blessed to be on a private chartered plane. It was fabulous riding with our kids and not dealing with commercial airlines in this instance. I think we all crashed on plane...........it had been a long 24 hours for all of us.

So we did arrive to the hanger with tons of media, excitement and love.

So, these are just a few of 'the facts'. The important thing is we are home....................and we are thrilled. That is an understatement. God is GOOD!!!!! He completely used this terrible tragedy to bless our children by coming home. We are SO thankful.

We are exhausted............the house is currently quiet and all are sleeping................but life will be busy with the change. We can't wait!!!!!

Nightly news

2010-01-21T23:59:00.000-08:00

9:00....adoptive parents madly rush to concord G so we can be waiting

9:15......all sorts of media crews are trying to get 'the latest'

10:00.......still exchanging stories and meeting everyone

10:45ish...........learn that plane leaves PAP

76...............number of people that gives us funny looks cuz there is this big group just hanging out

11:00.........media camera's have left and gone to bed

11:30.........airlines brought dunkin donauts and coffee

11:45.........counter staff all gone

12:00 midnight..........found the asian rug gallery

12:00............running out of things to talk about

12:30am............cleaning staff are all gone

12:52............KIDS LANDED ON THE GROUND

1:30........took our 24th picture of us sitting around........doing nothing

1:47................start walking around outside

2:12..........realize gift shop is closed

3:00................realize subway is open

3:10................was told about 10 of 80 kids are 'processed' with fingerprints

3:09..................subway was awesome..............might need a second trip

3:12..............Crystal has the hiccups

3:15.............regretting trips to subway

3:16....................we're going to watch some hulu on the computer.

3:17.................just got an email............who is sending emails at this hour???

Okay..........we're having lots of fun............it's all part of the story...................can't wait to meet the kids :)

Taking advantage of our time :)

2010-01-21T12:53:00.000-08:00

We arrived in Miami!! It's amazing to think that we are that much closer to seeing the kids. So the latest news is that the kids are suppose to land around the 9:30ish time.

SO.....in the meantime we thought we'd enjoy the sunshine, swim in the pool, and relax for a while :) :) Did I mention it's 81 outside... We'll try to find a good restaurant and enjoy the time!

The whole process is a little unknown. I think it will still be a long night reprocessing all the paperwork...........but if all goes well we could be on our way home late morning or mid afternoon on friday. We're kind of open ended as to when we will be heading home yet.

We'll keep you posted...............

Surreal

2010-01-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

All the bags are packed...........I think. What a change it will be to pack and be responsible for FOUR now. I think that's a little bit of an understatement :)

Well we're sitting here for a moment----enjoying a 1:30 snack---and going over everything. It's nothing how I envisioned. We've waited so long and every now and then I would think of these glorious home comings, and now we're throwing stuff together in a suitcase and rushing out the door. I know I'm forgetting something...........or forgetting a way to make it special for our little ones. But our hearts are ready. We're ready to be our family. We're ready to experience life with Samar and Manuel. We can't wait to see you, precious ones. Soon............

Miami...here we come!

2010-01-20T20:07:00.001-08:00

It's happening!!!!!

Thursday the kids land in Miami, so in the next 24 hours............we will be with them!!!!!!!!

Praise God and pray for traveling safety. We'll keep you posted

stand by....

2010-01-20T12:51:00.000-08:00

Good news that paperwork is being processed and travel arrangements are being made. We're kind of just on stand by waiting for our directions.................the when's and where's.

Thanks for you all your prayers!!!

Wednesday morning news

2010-01-20T04:42:00.000-08:00

ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE!!!

Read link for details..........http://godslittlestangelsinhaiti.org/

heavy heart

2010-01-19T17:14:00.000-08:00

I have to say I was on a 'high' most of the day. Even though there is absolutely nothing being decided and accomplished in getting the kids home...........I feel like it's coming.........and there is motivation to be cheery and get things done. In the last hour I've just felt very heavy for Haiti. I can't stop thinking that here.......within 1 week...........my feelings of despair and unability to do anything about a terrible situation ...........are clearing up and I am feeling HOPE. Yet, as I write, situations are continuing to get much worse. Haitians are feeling more despair. There are no feelings of hope for a lot of them. Reality is setting in......... loved ones are lost, everything is ruined..........health and safety are at risk.........and grief and anger and sadness are all they can feel. I just can't bear the thought of how hopeless they must feel. Unless you are personally tied, or know someone who is tied.........life is settling down and the 'earthquake of Haiti' is being old news and yesterdays talk. And the reality of it is.........things are not being 'done' to the situation. In fact life is Haiti has gotten worse and dangerous. I don't understand. As I'm sitting here just trying to wrestle with all the WHY's of this............I just recieved this email reguarding the state of adoption.......(a main obstacle is obtaining the US to set up a "safety compound" for kids as they wait by the US embassy)

"It is once again my job to be the barrier of bad news. Another day come and gone and no change. Despite extensive Congressional support and all of your calls to your Members of Congress we have hit roadblock after roadblock. At this point we respectfully ask that you stop contacting your Members of Congress requesting their assistance with obtaining security, transportation, and water for the location. The Department of State has not and apparently will not provide the small assistance that we have requested.

Given the current circumstances, at this point we are recommending that someone from each orphanage escort the children who qualify for humanitarian parole or adoption visas to the U.S. Embassy in Port-A-Prince. We recommend that the orphanage staff arrive with the children and any adoption paperwork that has not been destroyed as early as possible in the morning in order to attempt to obtain visas or parole for the children. Please understand that this option may not be considered safe and that the U.S. Embassy did not allow some orphanages onto the premises today. Additionally, please note that it has been reported that there is no food, water or facilities for the children to use while at the Embassy. As noted during our conference call earlier today, these are our recommendations only and should not be used to replace your or your orphanage director's good judgement.

It is our understanding that any children processed by USCIS in Port-A-Prince are leaving on U.S. cargo jets to locations that are not often know until a hour or so before the flight leaves. At times children have left Haiti without the knowledge of their adoptive parents.

This is currently the worst case scenario for the children's well-being and safety but at the moment there are no other options.

As we receive more information we will continue to share it with you. While the situation at the moment is terrible I can only hope that our collective efforts produce some positive news. Despite the roadblocks Joint Council has not given up on the save haven and we continue to advocate for its creation and a more transparent and safe process in uniting these children with their adoptive families. "

So please continue to pray. Pray for the unrest in the Haitians. Pray for protection for God's people. Pray that the unrest will find PEACE in HIM. AND PLEASE PRAY FOR THE SAFETY OF MY CHILDREN!!!! As the events unfold, this is going to be a difficult and traumatic event in their lives and just pray for them to be protected in their spirit and in the health.

Agenda for Today

2010-01-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

Besides worrying about IF and WHEN the kids are ACTUALLY coming...........I found a great laugh from 'things to do today'...

To Do:

1. Clean whole house, thoroughly.

2. Read up on Haitian cooking.

3. Buy a bed and assemble a child's room. Where did you put the other sheets when you moved?

4. Go to the grocery store, and maybe also the ethnic grocery store- to stock up on supplies.

5. Don't forget to do anything for Alyssa and Austin- Pack lunches, show up for duty, send in reading slips, etc.

6. Continue to sit by, receive information from, and process information from the phone.

7. Catch up on laundry, and pull some clothes that will fit Aidan and Samar.

8. Decide on official names for the paperwork.

9. Interact with Austin to make sure he doesn't feel pushed to the side.

10. Keep your marriage completely stress free by communicating all the details in a calm, orderly manner.

11. Pack your bags, of course you don't know where you are flying, so all- season wear.

12. Check fingernail polish for polk-a-dots, grey hair (you may need to part on the other side).

13. Try to keep a low profile from well-wishers- Your phone must be ringing off the hook!

14. Brush up on your Creole.

15. Make sure to stay on top of your rest- you would hate to be overtired!

Have a GREAT DAY!!!!

So.....no new news. Things continue to look good, but just no official words coming together about the when's and where's. i just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who is praying for us. For all the support, the tears, the laughs we've gotten in this. We are strong because of you and GOD!!

GREAT NEWS!!!!

2010-01-18T17:18:00.000-08:00

Just the fact right now...............ready??....

Secretary Napolitano has announced humanitarian parole for orphaned Haitian children!!!

So the kids are coming home!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We don't know details, we don't know the how's and why's........but it's official that if you have an acceptance letter with a child, they are coming home.

i'm not even guessing on date.....could be Wednesday, could be Friday........just don't know.

first cry for the day...

2010-01-18T03:57:00.000-08:00

I woke up and checked the GLA sight. Molly is an incredible "mama" too all these kids.....here are some of her words....

Another evening has fallen, we've made it through another day, start to finish everything ran smoothly, and NOISILY! Incredible how much energy the kids still have while the rest of us are dragging:) We had a news crew stop by the Toddler House for ten minutes and for the first time in the history of Chalinda she was silent, when they wanted to talk to her! lol:) There will always be surprises!

Just like the fact that tomorrow morning we will say "Good Bye" to TWELVE of our Toddler House family. These kids are going to be evacuated to the Netherlands with members of the Dutch government and the adoption agency that our families' use over there. They will be met with open arms by their adoptive parents at the other end. Thankfully many of these children have already met their parents, due to being required to come sign court papers in Haiti. Something that looked like a burden to families has now turned into a blessing as their children do no anxiously nervously wait to know what their parents will look, talk, smell, and be like, at the other end of the long plane ride, BECAUSE they have already met them in Haiti. God knows everything!

Tonight Joyce and I held a meeting with all the kids explaining to them and hoping to prepare them a bit for the possibility that they may get to go home sooner than expected but that "Mama" and "Papa" won't be able to come to Haiti to get them. They were excited and brave with the news! And have started thinking now about what it will be like, and preparing their hearts for the possibility of embarking on their new long awaited adventure without a familiar face to hold their hand.

We continue to rejoice in God's great plan, and how He makes all things work together for good, and for His glory! I was talking to Magalie this evening as she was hand washing out some of her kids' clothes and telling her how it may be possible to get lots of kids home to their adoptive families now. Tearing up she said to me "Molly, it would be so good. Then we will have so much room for new kids that have lost their fathers, mothers, family, everything they know. And if they can come now, then they will not have the bitterness of life in their minds, and if they can come now, they will not have a hardness in their hearts. But if they must wait on the streets for long, then it will be hard to erase the damage done." How is God going to use each one of us in the coming days, weeks, months, we do not know.... but we count it all a privilege and a joy to be used as His vessels.

Love from all of us, and many thanks for your conintued prayers!

I pray for the protection of all the staff and volunteers and for each child and how this is affecting THEIR lives. Everyone's life has been rocked and we just pray for God to work not only in our lives, but in EVERYONE'S life that has changed.

Keep Moving....

2010-01-17T18:24:00.000-08:00

I seem to be spending a lot of time looking at my computer for answers lately J Waiting for answers, or checking the status on decisions made……..or checking the news. I wish I could tell you more news…..but there isn’t much to say. So instead of getting any news…..check out what was in a devotion I read on Friday…..

Move On! byOs Hillman

..."Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the Israelites to move on." - Exodus 14:15

They finally arrived at the Red Sea, and the people were wondering where they would go from there. News hit the camp: Pharaoh had changed his mind. He was coming after them with his army. Panic set in. The defenseless Israelites cried out, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?...It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!" (Ex. 14:11b-12)

God sometimes brings each of us to a "Red Sea" in our life. It may be a work problem that can't be solved. It may be a marriage that seems to be failing. It may be a debilitating disease. Whatever your Red Sea, God tells us one thing: "Keep moving." The Red Sea was before them, yet God was angered at Moses and told him to "Keep moving."

"But Lord, the Red Sea is before me." "Keep moving." When we live by sight, we act on what we see. God sets this stage in dramatic fashion. God is into the dramatic. There is no way out without God here. That is just the way He wants it. No one will get glory except God.

WOW!! Can I just say……this is us right now. We have this devastation and seems like this impossible task of getting the kids home. Who knows where our adoption paperwork is………gov’t is collapse in Haiti………supplies are running out………I have to say that God is going to have to make all the plans at this point. For decisions to be made. And stuff to be processes ASAP if that is decided, and things to happen NOW…..it is only because God is STILL in control. And He will work out ALL the details and have ALL the necessary connections.

quick update

2010-01-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

God continues to be good and care for our kids! I just wanted to give you a quick update and will fill in more details later. We were able to have an interview with CNN news here on Sat. night at 6:00!! Talk about prime time...........It was GREAT coverage for GLA!!

I haven't found a link to it, so we'll post that once we find it..............but we were able to be in on a 3 way call and skype and talk with CNN, Dixie and the kids! But it was just such great coverage for GLA because Dixie was able to let the news know just how dire the situations are. She talked about rationalizing out food and water and having enough until Monday. Did you hear that......2 more days. And then not only was she able to talk about the need, but the CNN news guy had the Ambassador of Haiti with him and the Ambassador was able to comment on adoption statuses. It sounds like passports can be issue through the US.........whatever all that means...........but it has to be good news that they are wanting more kids to be able to go home!!!!

So as I'm ending the day and checking out GLA's web sight..............Dixie posted that some people who heard the CNN broadcast in Haiti that had water----were willing to share with GLA!!!! Isn't that awesome. So we know they have water for a short period again. i"m just so thankful the God is continuing to provide for them.

There isn't any definite direction with how to proceed with adoptions, but it seems to be getting very close to decisions and possibly any actions. When the orphanage director starts to talk about 'fearing for the kids'.........i hope someone is listening.

It makes me sad to hear all these words as a parent...........but yet so glad that the facts can be out there and get the message out that things need to be expedited.

KEEP PRAYING!!!!!!!!!

Never Let Go.....

2010-01-15T02:59:00.000-08:00

I just absolutely couldn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned all night long. My mind would go between all the highs and lows. I thought about the bed that's been empty for so long in the boys' bedroom.........wondering if it will stay empty. I thought about the hope of what getting a visa means (last post)......the excitement of being united. I still envision us as a family.........and yet wondering when that will ever happen. I didn't really know when it was said that international adoption can be unpredictable..........I didn't really take into account that we'd have to endure major hurricanes and earthquakes...........I missed that warning. Good thing.....I probably would have been scared off. I think about how we'd be feeling had our paperwork been about 2 weeks faster and Aidan was home.............but then again I don't know if I could have dealt with such joy and transition and yet such despair for Samar. It IS all in God's timing......

Even though there are the immediate US thoughts................I just am broken for the country of Haiti. I don't even know where to start with that thought. I've seen things that I didn't think could get worse...........and they are. I've been touched by Haitians............and so badly want to help them now. If we just make it all go away....

somehow in every thought process I found myself singing......"oh Lord you never let go, every high and every low. Oh Lord you never let go...you never let go of me."

I'm just so thankful we serve a God who will carry us through EVERYTHING!! He won't let my thoughts wonder too far from him........He's ALWAYS there. My thoughts are stopped so that I can praise Him. Did you see the part of the video that there is this tiny earth in God's hands.......how powerful!!

funny saying of the day

2010-01-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

The kids are in bed, things are done...........now it's time for me to catch up and see what's going on!! I was out and about all day, then once we were home after school I was trying to catch up on what was going on in the news. In the meantime Alyssa was playing vet or doctor and then she asked me to play with her. So this is how it went....her pretend play in her pretend dr. voice....

Alyssa: So how are you doing today?

Me: Fine

Alyssa: Just here for a little check up?

Me: yup, no problems

Alyssa: Are you having a problem with "computer hogging"? I know of other mommies who are having that problem today.

Me: I burst out laughing..........what kind of problem is that?

Alyssa: oh, you know........hogging the computer so kids can't play games. I just know of one mom who lives around here that has that problem

Me: I'm rolling of laughter as she is seriously pretending yet......so it ends in a tickling session!!!!

Gotta love it.......

So....here is some latest:

We were able to be on the news!! Yea...........or not so yea...... :)

I'm all about bringing awareness to things. Awareness to God.........kids..........adoption.........Haiti.........poverty...........God's littlest Angels..........Bethany Christian Services....our love for our kids...........our hope for them........

I think way more was edited and cut, but hey---what can you say. It was kind of a last minute thing. They had called earlier in the day, but I wasn't quite sure what angle they were looking for. I wasn't sure if it was a video of desperation and despair and having your heart ripped open because the adoption process and paperwork may be lost in rubble............and I really wasn't going to go there. He kept asking---"what is next for adoption?" so i just really directed him back to Bethany so he could maybe get that answered. Then at about 5:50 we get a call if they can come out. At that point I actually told them no--we were going to wednesday night church stuff and we were having a prayer meeting at church so we wanted to go. They ask if they can show up at church. So of course I wanted to get "approval" first. So, we were dealing with that, trying to eat supper, and leave the house at 6:10..............kind of crazy............but long in short, we had our prayer service for our brothers and sisters in Haiti and then as we waited for kids to finish with their activities we sat down with WZZM.

Other news that is on the GLA web sight is :

14 January 2010

Our lawyer was able to get through to us today. She says all of the government buildings downtown were damaged or destroyed! She reported that Judge Rock CADET was killed in a building collapse.

I have asked our lawyer to petition IBESR and the government of Hait to allow all children in the adoption process to be allowed to join their adoptive families. We are all going to need beds for orphans who have lost their family in this disaster! I need all of my families to contact their adoption agencies and government officials to allow these children to leave Haiti without a Haitian passport on Humanitarian or Refuge visas! I KNOW the USA government can issue emergency passports for situtations like this because they did it for me during a crisis in Haiti from a poison in a children's fever medicine and children were dying. We sent 11 children out of Haiti during that time and most did not have a Haitian issued passport. Please find out if your government has such a system in place!

Some of your dossiers are thankfully with us in our office. Others are wtih other government sections and we do not know if they are intact or not. I do know that the National Palace, Ministry of Justice, Ministry of Finance, DJI building which is part of the legalization department, National Cathedral is gone. I do not know about Immigration or IBESR!

I do not know if this is possible but let us explore the possibility of getting the children out so that we can take in more orphans.

I guess I end today feeling hopeful that there might be a chance. A chance to proceed with our adoption, a chance to not be filled with despair, a chance that they will join us and we will get to be a family. Please pray for that chance..

"He who dwells in the secret lace of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty (wholse power no foe can withstand). I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I (confidently) trust! Psalm 91:1-2

Photos of GLA after the earthquake

2010-01-13T13:34:00.000-08:00

Somehow a purse landed on a lamp :)

Glass that feel from cabinet

Kids hanging out outside while there were still after shocks.

God help us......

2010-01-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

i thought i'd sit down with my cup of tea once the kids were dropped off and see if I could find out what was going on in haiti. i did a couple quick replies to emails saying that kids were okay...... read about GLA ....click here for details.......still telling myself things are okay. I'm telling myself that there might be more delays because of this.......but God's got it under control.

But then it hits me.......not my mind......but my heart. We have kids there.......a son...a daughter.......a brother and sister......a brother who is suppose to be home soon and Austin is patiently waiting for him. This ISN'T okay. This CANNOT be happening. This is DEVASTATING.........to outsiders it's 'just an adoption'. To us.....it's our children. We've bonded with them. We've met Aidan. We see his personality in every picture that is sent to us. He has this smile that appears like he's being silly....but we've seen that same smile while spending time with him and it wasn't a silly smile, it was a frustrated, angry, crinkled up face with a grin. we imagine every part of him with us at times. We imagine what's going on behind the pictures. And Samar......she's old enough to have fears.....she needs a mom to comfort her....... GLA may be standing.......but what does this mean for adoption processes? All I need to hear is Gov't buildings collapsed and I can't bear the thought of how adoptions will be affected....Please PRAY that God will show His power and this can benefit the children rather than hurt them................this is a desperate situation for Haiti...........for us--I feel desperate at times not knowing how to process this all..........God help us...

Help the country of Haiti. I pray that government can turn to God, so that God can help in building the country. I pray that God will protect his people from evil and darkness in this time. I pray for unity. i pray for safety. I pray that generosity will flow in to help. I pray for those who are working and being God's light that they may not loose the hope. I pray for awareness for the desperations. I pray for the many unknowns with adoption......for birth families and parents.........and those who will be orphaned because of this.....pray...pray.....

Haiti and GLA need HELP NOW!!!!

While God’s Littlest Angels has been spared the worst of the physical devastation, many other people in Haiti are not so fortunate. GLA is still in need of water, fuel, food and materials to make repairs, and the staff is also very concerned about the logistics and continued ability to support their operating requirements. They also anticipate a great need to reach out to the community and help those around them by giving them food, supplies, building materials - and even being ready to take in babies who are in need of medical attention.

GLA is in the unique position to help. Right now. Given they have registered nurses, medical supplies, a generator and links to the outside world, they can have an immediate impact in Haiti and aid those in need. However, there is great responsibility with these actions and also the need for funds to support them.

GLA is launching what they are calling the 1000 x 1000 campaign (1000 people who get 10 friends to donate $100… we can all make a big difference together.) This is a way I can make a difference. Would you help?

If you are willing to give $100, it will go a long way in helping GLA meet its goal.

Your money:

· Will allow them to care for the children (my children)

· Will help treat those in need in the community

· Will help GLA take in children who need urgent care.

· Is also TAX DEDUCTIBLE

Please DONATE TODAY: Earthquake PayPal Fund

This is not a time to be shy or remain anonymous. Share with others and help get the word out!

Also...Dixie from GLA was on the today show...click.here to see.

GLA update

2010-01-12T19:55:00.001-08:00

NOTICE: WE ARE FINE AFTER THE 7.3 EARTHQUAKE. THE HOUSE SWAYED AND SHOOK. KNOCKED DOWN PEOPLE, KIDS, THE FOOD OFF THE STOVE FOR SUPPER, ALL OF MY GLASS WARE OUT OF THE CABINET, BUT WE ARE ALL OK! SHOOK UP A LITTLE, BUT OK! WILL POST MORE LATER! STILL HAVING AFTERSHOCKS AN HOUR AFTER THE MAIN EARTHQUAKE! PLEASE PRAY FOR US AND FOR HAITI!

Earthquake

2010-01-12T16:31:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note that as I've checked around, it sounds like GLA is okay. I read it on 2 different sights from adoptive parents, so I'm considering that good news. I haven't heard anything 'official' or from GLA themselves, but please remember to pray, pray, pray for Haiti. Of course my first thought was the kids and then my 2nd thought was for our paperwork not to fall into unknowns......but even on a bigger scale...........just to pray for the country of Haiti. This is devastating to them. It will bring desperation to so many and just pray for Haiti.

Bye Bye Passports.....Hello Visa!!!

2010-01-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

Yea!!! We got a quick email from our SW that GLA had Manuel's passport......whhhooo-hoooo!!!! So--here we are--on to the final step!! Okay.....I don't think there is such thing as a final step.......when we purchase tickets and get on the plane..........that will be the final step!!!!!!

Anyways, I don't know the exact of this step.......obviously he gets his visa. It can take 1-4 weeks. Some of the steps are for him to pass his medical exam, have an interview and get I-600 approval to get the visa. We're getting there!!!!

why international?

2010-01-06T11:10:00.000-08:00

anyone who really knows me knows we are in this adoption process. But it's people that you small talk with...........chit chat..........while getting my hair done.........they will ask how many kids I have and I've always just said two......It always depends on who's asking and do I feel like saying anything. Well after our excitement in Nov thinking we were near the end and thinking this was really happening......I guess I've been talking more openly about it and just mentioning the word adoption in conversation or talking about traveling to get our child.............Some people are confused or others are interested. I seem to get questioned about why international.........so thought i"d write down some thoughts about adoption.......

First let me just tell you that I don't know every process. These are the area's that we have investigated :) Our journey started out filling out a dossier for Lithuania, then decided there were lots of new hurdles in the program so we did a dossier for Russia. Decided we actually wanted an infant so we switched to domestic adoption. There we were blessed with 2 kids. From there our focus did shift a bit., we wanted to add to our family.........but it was a different feeling. Because we had very positive experiences and domestic is what we knew...we started the process for a 3rd time and decided it wasn't for us. We heavily investigated adoption through the foster care system. in fact we "interviewed" 3 different organizations and had all our paperwork filled out to start that. We did some training and only to change direction after not feeling total peace and pursued internationally. We knew in our heads that Haiti was an option but once we spoke with our social worker.........we seemed to be just led to Haiti.

I think sometimes people get the idea or stereo type that one program vs. another....that one is better and one is worse. Truth is............ A child needing a family is a child needing a family...........whether they are in your home town or across the world.

So some basics about them:

domestic........able to get an infant. The stereo typical.......""healthy", white, infant"........We were able to meet birth parents. We saw and spent the night in the hospital with one of our births. We have letters and pictures and trinkets for our kids for when they get older. We are able to pick out personality traits from their birth parents. The down side to domestic is the whole "waiting to be picked". The timing is SO unknown. It could be weeks or years. I really whole heartedly believe that we had such positive experiences so that we would be open to other adoptions.

US foster to adopt. Honestly.......right now I'm wondering why we didn't choose this route...LOL... You need to be open to older children, possible sibling groups, having open relationships with birth parents, be open minded about a child's past and it is less expensive.

Internationally. Well.......how about we leave it at that. I don't know if I have a lot to say about it in my current state... :)..... I am stuck in a rut.........I'm sick of our wait........it's a long process.........our child(ren) are getting older..........it's more expensive........there is TONS more paperwork..........not only have kids had to endure hardship........trauma from being left or past neglect or abuse...........It's a long process................they are wasting precious years............still not getting proper nutrition............did I mention it's a long process........... oh, wait----but in the end we will have 2 beautiful brown children....and each time I ponder the descriptive words from our last update i am so thrilled that they seem to be part of us already......

okay--I could go on and on about the similarities and differences between all the adoptions..............but honestly what matters most is that you follow where God leads you personally.Period. He will call some of us to Haiti and some of us to China. He will call some of us to the US foster system, some of us to older children and some of us to special needs. He will call some of us to boys and some of us to sibling groups. They are all His children- and they all matter to him- a lot.....If he called us all to Haiti then who would take the kids from Russia? If he called us all to adopt older children- then who would take the babies? Sometimes we just have to learn to hear and trust His plans.

Every persons journey will be different. Some will go smoothly.........some will rock you.........some will last on forever. We've felt led down one path, only to have doors close and we were left standing there with our hearts on the floor. We've had cases presented to us that after we pondered them and would consider it..........the birth mother changed her mind about adoption. We've said no to certain scenarios. We've been stretched........spent many, MANY nights in tears. We are enduring long waits (2 years +).....sometimes wondering why.......

Trust me, there has been pain involved- we have faced tragedy and triumph.....but we've also grown through it all. Is it worth it?......Absolutely.....worth every single heart ache, every single tear and every single minute. there are no guarantees in life. Life is full of risks...........we may fail or fall.......or the fear of that pain keeps us stranded- afraid to move. Yet without taking that risk- are we really living?

Did you know that if 10% of all Christians opened their families to adoption............there would be no more orphans. Did you hear that.........10%...........be the 10%.............take a chance...ask God to lead YOU! Each precious child----from Haiti, Africa, China or the United States are our future!...They are our greatest gifts.....treasures..........they are worth the risk.

God as a GPS

2010-01-04T06:51:00.001-08:00

The kids are back in school........I'm catching up on tasks..............Bella is sooo sad that the kids are back in school after 2 GREAT weeks...............I'm secretly loving to be back into a routine............and as I'm doing stuff I'm thinking about the New Years. Wondering what this year will have in store for us. I LOVE the analogy our pastor at church talked about--God is our GPS. Our pastor talked about the cloud leading the Israelites...............but my mind wondered about other aspects of the analogy. ..........Our final destination is Living for Jesus and only God knows the path that He will have us venture on. Just every part of the analogy is fascinating to think about. You know how you can make a different turn and it reconfigures your destination..................I guess it's kind of like life. God might prompt you in some way, but you choose not to listen.............but God continues to be in life and He will find a next route to lead you to Him. He wants YOU. He will find a way to get you back to Him. Sometimes we think we know what is best and follow that path.............but God is always there to help us get back on track. I just love that visual.

I think about our past year. Last January I had no idea what was in store for us. My guess was that Aidan would be home mid-year and our life would revolve around that adjustment. Boy---i had that one wrong. BUT.....God did lead us on an amazing venture. i think we had major life altering circumstances this past year, both of which weren't on our radar............but they were on God's radar. We moved...........and we added another child to our family. I could just tell you that it was thrilling and exciting.................but that wasn't always the case. It was scary. We felt alone.....we were desperate to know what God was doing things in our life. We hurt at times. There was hardship and stress with relationships. We needed Him to get us through it. We had to trust that he had a plan and now as we stand looking back at the end of the year...................it's easy to see that each turn was taken because there was a final destination...............and it WAS good. and it is perfect........but it wasn't always easy.

Now as we look forward to 2010............i bet you can guess what I'm thinking our year will be like! I'm thinking THIS is going to be the year that Aidan joins us. !! (If not......I have no idea what to expect!!) And I'm thinking that we will have lots of adjustments to go through................and we'll need to trust God on which path to go down. And I know God has a perfect path............I just hope we can listen to Him when He's giving us direction.

Well....Happy New Year..........and may God be your GPS!!!!

Merry Christmas!!

2009-12-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

Jwaye Nwèl.........MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!........jwaye Nowel

I just want to wish EACH and every one of you a very Merry Christmas. We send our love to all of you. Had we sent out cards this year maybe it would have had all the kids on the picture...........maybe one child holding up a sign that said JOY........maybe one child holding up a sign that said PEACE.........and another holding up BLESSINGS.....

We've experienced all of these through out the last year. It's been a year marked with PATIENCE.........and yet God being FAITHFUL!

See, we never got around to doing our Christmas cards. Once we were SOOOOO close to the end in Nov., we kept hoping that maybe........just maybe......we'd be able to send out a picture of our FAMILY!!!! But, I guess you'll have to wait to get New Years card or something at a different time. But we do send our blessings to you on this special day celebrating our LORD!

December Updates

2009-12-24T19:27:00.000-08:00

Our update:

"This month, instead of the usual story on your child, I have done something a little different. I have asked several of our long-term staff (Molly, Joyce, Susan, Stephanie) for the words they would use to describe your children. That list will be included with this update. I hope you enjoy reading the descriptions as much as we enjoyed describing your children!"

Manuel is...

Gentle
Jolly
Good natured
Comfortable
Snuggly
Loving
Samar is...
Content
Joyous
Affectionate
Sporty
Loyal
Inquisitive

It's official....

2009-12-23T18:56:00.000-08:00

The paperwork trail has finally catch up and we have some official paperwork taken care of for our 4th adoption!! Let me introduce you to Samar......

She is 6 years old....... and has a beautiful smile :) I know i've talked about her a little bit already........but it's so exciting to be officially connected with our paperwork now!! We'll get monthly updates on her and I'm so looking forward to hearing more about her. I can't even describe how cool it will be to meet her once we pick up Aidan. Anyways........just had to share the good news!!!

No news on Aidan Manuel..........I think the "passport printing" stage ran out of ink.......lol..

In all seriousness.......the following was posted on the GLA websight: So realistically that expected 2 weeks to have the passport printed, which has been 6 weeks...........could very well end up being 8 or 9 weeks...or later........ til after all the holidays.........

***most recent update***The storm passed this afternoon about 3 PM. We mopped floors and cleaned up leaves all day long. We have not seen this type of wind and rain since the Hurricanes of August 2008! The Toddler House lost their avocado tree and the blow up Santa someone donated for their roof! Their front gate was also blown off the hinges. We also lost a baby during the night. He was a baby born to a very young mother and was born with a bilateral cleft palate and lip with other birth defects. He was only here 2 days and was 15 days old on admission and had not been fed since birth. I am very happy that the storm has passed and things have quieted down tonight!

***posted Wed. during the day****We woke up this morning to gale force winds and lots of rain! At 5 AM, my fan went flying out of the window by my bed and woke us all up when it crashed to the floor! The weather map shows a large tropical storm moving over Haiti from the south going toward the north east. It looks like it came from South America overnight.

The wind is so strong right now that it has blown all of the paintings in the stairwell off the wall! There were toys on the balcony where the children play that were blown off and we have no idea where they have blown to! Some children in the neighborhood will truly believe that Père Noël (Santa Claus) has come to visit when they find toys have fallen from the sky into their yard!!!

We had no warning from the TV nor radio that this storm was coming. The staff tells me that everything is closed and I am just praying that things settle down and the government opens today! We need some paperwork from different offices and if we do not get the papers today, we may not get them until after Christmas!

I know this is affecting the people in the mountains and the low areas probably much worse than us at GLA. Please say a little pray for Haiti and the Haitian people for safety today as this storm passes over us.

by the way.....

2009-12-14T18:21:00.000-08:00

Since you can't really read my mind.........I thought I better update you on our status :)

We've been able to process events----actually lack of events-----so we have changed....... and re-changed our expectations..........daily. But I know there are some of you who are anxiously waiting and praying for us to have our Dec. child yet, so let me just fill you in that.......... it's not going to happen this year.

Our first hurdle of a series of a few small hurdles was suppose to take about 2 weeks. Well, today came and went and it's been 4 weeks, and still no passport. So another hurdle that follows is suppose to be about 4ish weeks-------I guess I have it in my mind that it's going to take about 10 weeks....

Maybe by the time Aidan comes home, it will be just enough time for him to get to know us before he has to put us in the nursing home.....lol!!

Okay--so seriously back in Sept. I had a dream one night that Aidan was coming home in March. I could vividly recall everything. I brushed it off to absurd--and just a dream---but....I'm facing the possibility that it may be reality and not absurd...........so my new goal is that Aidan is home in March!! Okay---I really, really, really want to spend his 4th birthday with him in Feb., but I don't want to get any hopes up. I'm going with the dream............. I guess all we can do is keep on living and keep praying.................and clinging to God's promises that He will protect Aidan.........He will be his father while he has none.........and his life is in God's hand......

Ps. 68

⁵ A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.

and

Deut. 10

¹⁸ He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.

seriously.....

2009-12-13T17:17:00.000-08:00

My eyes are a little more open to how socially unjust our culture is. I have a little gift bag to bring down to Aidan and Samar..........or have someone bring down for us assuming we don't hear anything soon....

but anyways.....I made a photo album for Samar and put a few treats in it, and thought I'd do one little toy like a polly pockets. Nothing too big since we'll be seeing her soon hopefully........but most importantly ----pictures for her to know we are her family and sending some love to her.

Ok............so........would you believe I couldn't find a single black polly pocket or barbie doll? Seriously..........

I looked at Target 3 different occasions, and at Meijers during one trip. Oh....they make them. At least barbies.............but they weren't hanging up........Seriously--- what does 30% of the population that is not Caucasian do? Wouldn't you want to buy a doll that looks like the child you are buying it for? Naturally I was looking for a doll that would look like Samar......and couldn't even find one.............what an injustice....disappointing.................and unfair...............makes me sad for the inequalities.......instead we went with a Littest Pet Shop-----something small.....just from us.......to her....

Age old debate

2009-12-11T19:20:00.000-08:00

You don't have to be in the adoption world too long before you hear comments like......'what a lucky kid.....just think of the life they would have had'. It's the age old debate about.......are you saving a child or is the child saving you?......

The answer has always been very clear to me ...........

I look at Alyssa and am amazed at God's path for our life. He saved us from pursuing years of infertility treatments........He saved us from struggles..........everything about it benefited us.........as with any first child---it changed our lives forever........for the GOOD.........

Austin....again--we were completely blessed to have 2 children. God saved us from struggling and blessed us with an AMAZING story of God's TIMING and working out EVERY detail when Austin arrived...........we were blessed....

Manuel.....we struggled for a long time figuring out what God wanted of us............we tried living as a family of 4 and convincing ourselves we were complete---but God never gave us the peace...........it was a long struggle.............when we found the path of adopting from Haiti I felt peace.......God saved us from struggling for a lifetime................we were saved..........we could leave our feelings of uncertainty at the feet of God and we could go on with a purpose.............Life was whole again.............we were complete.........

Samar--her journey is still beginning with our family. She gave us purpose and reason to why we moved at this point in our life....our eyes have been opened to letting God go deeper in us........she will complete us......I look forward to her journey.........

I'm very passionate that God picked each of our kids to save US. They each were hand picked by God..... at a certain time in our life.......... to fill a purpose in our life. And God has much more planned for their lives.....I pray that they can follow HIM!

IGBOK

2009-12-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

Over the past 2 months it's been good meeting all our neighbors. On one side is a retired couple and as I was chatting with her I found out she headed up the English as a Second Language program at school for the past 20 years. I was thinking..."Yea!!....she might understand things that might be helpful to me...What a great neighbor to have for us God"....

Then I met another neighbor right next door. I found out she's a lower elementary teacher......teaching learning disabilities and special ed. My first thought was........."Ok Lord, I don't really want to get to know this lady....why did you move me next to her?......We may be feeling like you want us to have more kids...............but, really?........I do not want to have her be needed in my life......"

Well...........the kids got to know her after about 2 weeks. It didn't take long to find out she handed out popsicles......Yummmm.......but I still wasn't going to get to know her.....

She invited me to a holiday coffee time at her church last week. She was inviting other neighbor ladies, so I thought it would be a great time to meet others.

I'm SO glad I went. I'm so glad I've had a chance to get to know her. She's very friendly, very inviting, full of hugs, screams grandma all over---as all her kids live out of state......... and I would love to have my kids know her. What a blessing to live next to her...........God did know what he was doing as we moved here...........

Not only did I have a wonderful time meeting other neighbors, but we heard a GREAT talk........about holiday gifts...........one of God's gifts to us................

Jesus says, "I am leaving you with a GIFT---peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27 (NLT)

I could certainly apply that to my life. God has giving us amazing peace as we go through these LONG adoption processes............but even when I start to fret.............I know it's there......for me. I even looked around the table and thought about others circumstances........I thought about family members..or small group members........each and every person I know has stuff they go through......and the cool thing is.........God gives us ALL this GIFT!!!

The speaker summed it up by saying IGBOK--"It's going to be OK"

Great posts!

2009-12-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

I just checked out GLA's sight and saw Molly had updated the Toddlers house blog. In fact there were about 9 posts I hadn't seen--all since Thanksgiving. They are wonderful and so great to see all the kids and what they are doing! A couple hightlights:

-There are pictures of Thanksgiving--what a celebration!

-There are pictures of the older kids going to church. I'm sure Samar is in that bunch and it's good to hear what they all do!

-The O got an aquarium. Very cute to see the kids line up......in the paragraph talking about it, it even mentions Manuel's name---as him being a little cautious to go up to the tank :)

-Movie night for the older kids......Samar is mentioned as being a 'sweet girl and easy to please and grateful for everything'. We haven't heard to much about her personality yet---so it's fun to find out about life for her.

If you get a chance, check out the activities

http://www.glahaiti.org/toddler_house_blog

Looking all snuggly

2009-12-04T06:19:00.001-08:00

What a great picture!! No news on if our passport has been printed, but here was part of our Nov. update...

Manuel is doing well, and he is just such a precious little boy! He loves to smile and laugh, and he is a lot of fun to be around. Manuel is a sweet little boy and easy-going. He gets along well with the other children and is not one to cause problems or disruptions. Manuel knows what he wants, but he does not force his way on others. He still tends to suck his thumb quite often, but there is usually a grin behind his hand. Manuel is not a particularly loud child, but his eyes sparkle when he is enjoying himself, which is often. Manuel is just a great kid, and I am so excited that he will soon be joining your family!

Weight: 26 lbs

Height: 35 inches(89 cm)

Adoption Status: Passport Printing

coffee time

2009-12-01T17:55:00.000-08:00

The unknowns are such a killer. My mind was racing around and I could feel myself getting very anxious. I was trying to plan out what I thought would be best and how "the end" might play out. I was thinking it would be cool to have Aidan home at the beginning of Christmas break so that during break the kids would get a chance to play with him...............then I was thinking maybe right before the New Years. And how should we handle Christmas parties...........and should I hope for "normal" holidays for Alyssa and Austin...........but I don't think life can be "normal" until after Aidan gets home. He's there.............on our mind................we're waiting............unable to plan............life is not normal while we wait. We're ready to get on with this. I could just feel my stomach being a bundle of anxious nerves.

so I stopped..........made some coffee............and had a date............

It was just me, my coffee, God and his word.

I didn't ask God to bring Aidan home in Dec., all I asked for was the ability to lay it all down. To feel His presence and be able to hand it all over to Him. God has a perfect plan..........a perfect timing. I don't have to worry about what is best for us, for the kids, or for Aidan. God knows what's best and it will all work out according to that plan. I just asked God for his peace and patience.

So I feel refreshed in Him. Yes---I still check the voice mail and email as soon as I walk in the house..........but deep down I know I have no say in when this all happens so why waste my time thinking about it. Deep down I think I know that my 6ish weeks can't be taken literally. It can be 3-12 weeks......so why try to plan.

i think we are going to enjoy the holidays with where we are at. I think I'd rather be pleasantly surprised and excited than to be disappointed and frustrated.

And as I was having my coffee time..........this is what I read......

⁶ so that from the rising of the sun

to the place of its setting
men may know there is none besides me.

I am the LORD, and there is no other..

.There is no one else----Only the LORD----YHWH---the keeper.

It's not by what man does.............only the Lord...........He is in control!!!

I am not anxious, my stomach is unknotted...........I love coffee time...........

Brown eyed Princess

2009-11-25T06:02:00.000-08:00

Little did I know how much a book would affect the rest of my life.

A book was left in our mailbox at church about Haitian restevex. i kind of shrugged my shoulders and thought I'd read part of it.....why not. Paul asked how the book was and i guess I could only summ it up by saying.............'it's not very exciting, not really a good read, it talks about horrible terrible stuff this child had to live through, it was gross, disgusting. unimaginable.........but I guess the bottle line I take away from the book is............kids just want a home. Everyone just wants to be part of a family. Even when they get to be adults the bottom line is they just want to be loved and wanted.'

At some point around this time I do remember seeing a lovely little girls picture come across with kids in Haiti. Her smile caught me........but my mind thought...... 'how lovely, what a lucky family to adopt this girl...........but it's not for us right now'........

Life zooms by and we get busy with moving. Maybe all the events that factored into us moving all brought us to the point God wanted us............I don't know. But since we moved to a house with a 4th bedroom, we jokingly said we'd have to fill it and use it for God. But frankly, maybe I've said this too, having more kids by adoption costs more money.........I guess if we were going to have another child it would be because God wanted us to...........

The same day we were closing and moving in our house...........a list appears of kids waiting in Haiti. Well---wouldn't you know it..........the same lovely girl was still waiting and this time there was a grant offered with her. I seriously felt like she was waiting for us, my heart did a little leap. We looked into her information and prayed about it. It was actually Paul who opened up and asked someone to pray for us about it first, and yet somehow in the mists of praying for her and seeing her...............it made me fall in love with her and I just knew she would complete our family. Once Paul and I had decided we were open to it.............I left her picture on the counter to see what reaction I'd get form the kids. Alyssa asked about it and her response was..........'mom can we adopt her. Please, please. Please say YES before someone else does.' It was just even more of a confirmation that even the kids were open to more.

So maybe you're wondering what a book has to do with anything...........well I think it helped shaped my thinking...........life isn't going to be perfect...........adopting a 5, now 6 year old is going to be messy...............she hasn't had a perfectly loving home...........life has been hard....................but I do know that we would love her to be in our family....................somehow God opened our eyes to a very beautiful brown eyed princess............

Is this real??

2009-11-22T17:30:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this is actually happening..............we've been living so long with the idea of him.........but now this is actually going to be real. It's seems too weird yet to me. There is so much to think on it all...........I'm thrilled and excited.............ready for the change..............scared about how my days will change.

I just finished going through some clothes we had of Austin. It was about 2 years ago that i started saving clothes so hopefully they are all about the right size since they are about 2 years apart. It seems so weird to look at the clothes and imagine Austin in them. I can remember what his favorites were and then I remember what he was into and playing with at the time. It's hard to think that Aidan is that big too. We saw Aidan when he was 2, just about 3 and now he's right around the corner to being 4. I sometimes picture more of a 2 year old, but when I get these clothes ready-----I'm wondering .....what is Aidan like? Will he be fiercely independent like Austin was at that age? Will he instinctively know all about what's cool for boys? There is so much of life and teaching that he has missed and yet will he just tag right along and play with the other kids like he's been doing it all his life?..........I am just so excited I can hardly stand it...............i'm not sure how the whole process goes picking him up, but I imagine we need to take clothes for him. So I picked out a couple short sleeves for when we are down there yet. I can't help and wonder if he's going to think it's cool...............will he feel like it's his?.....

This is a paragraph of a family who just picked up their boy, it was sent by a Bethany prayer warrior and it's pretty emotional..........

we are back from haiti......safe and well......thank you for all your prayers and kindness and donations.......i just want to tell you a sweet story about
our eli .......at the orphanage the younger children do not wear
shoes......barefoot with dirty toes the children run and play........only on
special occasions when a child gets to go for a walk with a volunteer or meets
their parents for the first time do these children get to wear
shoes.........you would not think the children associate shoes with
love....attention.....status......but they do.....the first time i dressed eli
and pulled out socks and a pair of black converse sneakers ......his eyes
widened with joy....he loved the feel of the socks and stomped around the room
proudly in his very own shoes!!! but when we tried to take them off for the
night.....he cried with loss.....he did not want "his shoes" to be taken from
him.......eli had to learn and trust us that these little sneakers were his and
we would put them back on him in the morning.......shoes in a sense became a
security ......the next day we visited the house where the older children
stay......as i held eli they came up to us and stroked his new
sneakers.......they instinctively knew eli had attained a freedom......a
change..........2 days later as we trekked through miami security.....the shoes
had to come off......howling with fury eli would not stop until we placed his
shoes back in his hands........the picture below is from the balcony off our
room where we basically cocooned with each other so we could promote bonding
and attachment.....eli is looking out from behind the bars...out into a
world......a big big world full of potential and promise........we hope we can
teach him trust and love.....and that he belongs to our Father....

I've been thinking about this through out the week. As excited as I am.........there is still fear in me. There will be so many changes going on for all of us....Can you imagine how Aidan is going to feel? I can't imagine ...........Can you just imagine what it will be like to come home to a SNOW storm??...........To do so many things for the first time...........and yet missing what is 'normal' to him.........and then Alyssa and Austin---the changes for them. I had a comical conversation with Alyssa but there were serious feelings being said. She asked why we had to be such a "coookie" (weird) family?..........I know there is alot of apprehension about the racial differences for her................Austin is thrilled at the idea of a playmate............I hope he's not disappointed, but that they instantly bond............and then there is Paul and I. I can only imagine Paul............he is such a great dad and loves being with the family, but he is stretched to the limits lately. Work can be stressful.............his wife is unstable (!!)..........his kids want his attention at night...........and then he's in school til May..........there is no official honey do lists---but he's well aware that it's a matter of time and the new house needs his help............and me......there is no time for moms' to have feelings...............but I sure am full of them...........I think it would be AWESOME to have Aidan home in Dec. December is such a special month anyways, and then add on the fact that both Alyssa and Austin were born and in our house in the month of Dec.-----how COOL it would be for Aidan to join in and have a special "gotcha day" in Dec. too. I would just be thrilled!!!! So I'm excited............yet reserved.............I know it is possible and should be no problem..............but I know that it could be Jan. before he's home. And can I add that we need to proceed like he might not be home in Dec. because our fingerprints expire Dec. 26 for him and so we need to do that process all over----and spend the money on it.............all because we don't know.............all the unknowns yet. So there is frustration with all the excitement. And how exciting to take Aidan home..............and how INDESCRIBABLY awesome to meet our daughter............yet how hard it will be to take one and leave one............and they are both old enough to have opinions............will they like ME? Will I be a tall, ugly giant to them?...........Will they have wished a fairy tale princess to come and sweep them away............and instead they get me?..........

All I can think is........."oh Lord. Please grant us all the wisdom and insight we need as parents to meet each childs' needs. May we see them in each circumstance and understand the feelings they are experiencing that we can show them our love and security. We love them...each of them, and they are all special individuals that you have created. You have a plan for each of them, an amazing plan........and may we as parents be used to grow our kids in YOU alone!"

Out of MOI

2009-11-16T10:55:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you just have to make 2 posts in one day.......

We are OUT of MOI!!! This news sure picked me up this morning after still having a hard time of getting going after my weekend. I was debating about vegging it on the couch again for the day or doing some cleaning (disinfecting), but that just put a spring in my step :) So I have a clean house and great news :)

We have printing and visa to do, so maybe thinking 6ish weeks.

Crazy about you....

2009-11-16T06:46:00.000-08:00

I see this poem every morning and it gives me a smile to know God loves me. Just wanted to share it with you and hope it brightens your day too ;)

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.

He sends you flowers every spring

He sends you a sunrise every morning.

Face it, Friend..................HE IS CRAZY ABOUT YOU!!!

--unknown

Dissappointed

2009-11-14T10:55:00.000-08:00

I was so looking forward to a great weekend......................a great night at the Selah and Avalon concert, Haitian gathering, talking with fellow adoptive parents, and we also had a church event of Feed My Starving Children---packaging food to send to Haiti, family gatherings, pizza, lasagna dinner..............and as we were walking out the door friday night................... I got the stomach flu. YUCK!!

I am just so disappointed. This was suppose to be a fun weekend--I can't tell you how disappointed I am............I guess to all the families I was so excited to meet and connect with, I hope to meet another time and I wish all of you the best with your adoptions. Maybe another time..........

Well, this weekend really shouldn't have surprised me. We haven't really been healthy during our Nov. 1-13 family challenge. We wanted to make it a learning experience of sharing with others and sharing what we had, but the logistics never quit worked out as well as we wanted. The idea of doing rice and beans was put on the back burner when Austin was sick. He had a fever for 6 days and was down on the couch for 9 days. We had a couple days of health and then I get the stomach flu and Austin followed right behind me in the middle of friday night with the stomach flu. So, it's hard enough to do something like rice and beans when life is normal and you're healthy, but it's much harder when Austin was sick and wasn't really eating those days anyway. But I guess on another subject of poverty--it give you a better perspective of how it might feel to be sick and not have all your needs met, but that another subject.

So we came up with a plan B, the idea of a "fast" from something we enjoy so that we can pray for the event. So we started that idea and took all candy away and no TV. (2 weak points for the kids) Mind you-- candy the day after Halloween was kind of tough. But to some extent the idea of candy gone while being sick and the idea of not having tv while being sick------somehow nothing seemed to work. (We'll have to look for other concrete ways to teach the kids............somehow I think the devil didn't want us to do all this, and we were the lucky people to get sick with it all going around) Anyways..........................we did pray for the event during those 13 days. And I hope it helped open peoples eyes to the children that are waiting for families and for the needs of GLA as the tirelessly give of all their time and energies to our kids.

As far as my wednesday morning prayer, that is something that can be done---sick or healthy :) It's actually been a great time to specifically pray for different aspects of adoption. Whether it be for our processes, or for the adjustments that will be part of the process. It's easy to foster general prayers, but to specifically have a talk time with Jesus---it's a new feeling. I guess I can say it's been a blessing in disguise. It's something that can only grow and be part of my life. Sometimes I get scared about what we are getting into with older kids adoption, and i think somedays prayer might be the only way we make it, so this has been a good thing.

National Adoption Month

2009-11-05T18:41:00.000-08:00

When I look at you I don't see...

More mouths to feed,

more bills to pay,

more worries,

more pains,

more hassles,

more cost,

more burdens

or more work.

What I see is...

A chance,

a hope,

a promise,

a choice,

a person,

a dream,

a life,

a blessing,

a gift.